What do you do if your husband just seems as if he doesnt love you anymore?

Question

me and my husband used to be tight, best firends...the whole nine yards. lately hear he's distant. hes always saying im the problem in the marriage. any time we argue or stupid stuff like that, he cant find something of his its my fault! ive caught him recently on chat lines, and chat rooms, talking sex. i honestly dont no what to do. the trust isnt there but i love him dearly. PLEASE HELP ME!

Answer 1

well ask your self this have you been true to him in your hole relationship? NO!!!!!! did you cheat on him when you was in san diago? YESS!!!!!!!! is it hard for him to deal with? YESS!!!!!!! mainly when you were telling him how bad he was and how bad he was to you!!!!

Answer 2

Okay... here's the problem as I see it. Your husband has now fallen in love with an ideal of what he thinks he can have. You know...the grass is always greener on the other side. You can't compete with whatever fantasies he's got going on in his mind.

The blame game is very unhealthy. Don't think in terms of blame and maybe his blaming you won't bother you as much. With any problem, couples participate in the problem and it doesn't even matter whose fault it is anyway. Who cares? Let' just fix the problem. Right?

The chat room thing isn't good. Again, he's living in a fantasy world. If he hasn't already, he will act on the fantasies he's concocting in his head. He's a fool if he thinks he can take up with somebody else and it will be great. He is part of the problem as well.

You two need marriage counseling. He needs to stop the sexual talk in the chat rooms. He's probably talking with some hairy 400 lb woman or some guy who is posing as a woman while he's envisioning an attractive 120 lb babe. He's kidding himself.

Divorce sucks. You don't want one if you can avoid it. If there is anything worth saving, give it your best shot. Find a good marriage counselor who will help you focus not on your problems but on your affection for each other.

Be kind to yourself during this time. Take good care of yourself. Go out with a friend at least once a week and do something fun. Go to a movie now and then. Just try to make yourself happy. If your husband won't go to counseling with you, then go by yourself. Make yourself a better person. Making yourself happy will help your marriage. Try to be kind to him even though you might not feel like it.

Take time to remember how it was when the two of you met. Talk to him about those times. Talk about what attracted you to each other. Talk about the good times and figure out how to get back there. Figure out what's missing.

If you have children, it is 10 times more important to try to work it out. Divorce is so terrible for kids. Best to honor your committment if at all possible.

Be good to yourself and get some help. Life will be better.

Good luck.

Answer 3

oh wow, I symphatize with you. I went through the same thing too and yeah it will get worse before it gets better. I dont why guys do that-they have that line they use "my wife doesnt understand me crap' i hate that. For me I found out who it was that he was emailing and told her off, that made me feel better and I confronted him about his behavior, of course he denied everything and even blamed me and went as far as to say I cheated on him but I know myself and would never do that.
If you feel that you guys can make it then fight but dont make him do anything that he doesnt want to do, some guys when they make up thier mind there is no changing them. It was a tough choice for me to make but i sought counceling and even got myself an DV advocate who was my backup and although it was hard I got some legal advice for divorce and had him kicked out the apt for a while and during the time he was away I guess he couldnt find any solice and saw everywhere the love that families share and happy kids with both parents and that made him cry and beg to come home. It was all real tough but at least he realized the treasures he had at home already, he is much better now but in the back of my mind i wonder but i also know that during the time he was gone i found strenght- that i have what it takes to be alone. that I am strong enough and dont need a man.
What made me have him move out was because my husband was getting verbally and physically abusive, we now both attend counceling seperately. he says it was tough on him to sleep in his truck, missed my cooking, the love and attention he got from me and our son, that he had it all and he almost threw it all away for something that wasnt real. if theres no trust then there is almost no chance.

Answer 4

Friend
As far as your husband blaming you for everything's that wrong (or supposedly wrong) with your marriage...well, I think that's a guy thing. You're not alone on this one!
It sounds to me like the internet has become his new toy. I've seen a lot of people get sucked into it. It may or may not lose its novelty but I think it's in your best interest to act NOW, before he "falls in love" (notice the quotes) with someone he's met online.
Sweetie you need to demand that he stop these innappropriate actions IMMEDIATELY. Get rid of the computer if that's what it takes. He may be dreaming about these women he meets online even though they are nothing but faceless beings behind a computer, and maybe even thinking of ending your marriage because of it. It happens all the time; it's one of the unintended side effects of the information superhighway. He needs to know that YOU are his reality.
You sound like perfect candidates for marriage counseling. Please stand firm, and don't allow this to continue, even if it means a trial separation. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

First of all, go with what your gut tells you. It sounds like the interest he should be showing you, he's showing someone else, whether it be in person or on the computer. Both are unacceptable. I had this problem as well (as far as my husband not being responsive or loving). He was someone who never talked about his feelings. As a result, we are currently going through a separation.
You need to make sure that you speak with him and tell him exactly how you feel and find out how he's feeling. You can try counselling but my husband was never interested in trying that.

Good luck and remember, if he isn't giving you what you need and he isn't willing to try to fix it, then perhaps he's not the one for you. Time will tell. And sometimes with men, as soon as you start to show strength and a willing to move on, then they start begging for you to stay.

Answer 6

You guys need to have a heart to heart talk and see if maybe he has fallen out of love with you. Maybe he wants you to leave him so he doesn't have to feel bad about him leaving you. Chat rooms are not for married happily married people.(that's what I think).That's not the answer to your problems.Let him know how much you love him and that you want to work whatever is going on out.Breaking up is just the easy way out.Marriage is a life long thing and if you love him it's worth trying to save. Maybe you guys just need to spice things up a bit.Sometimes after being with someone so long things get boring and you go to change things up a bit.Good Luck!

Answer 7

Sounds like he might be having an affair or ready to have an affair. The internet is always enticing with sex, and chat rooms, etc. He might find you boring now. So, it is up to you to come up with some "new" things. Spice up your sex life. Communicate with him. He might feel like you are a weight and he can't go out and do what he really wants to do. I would put this in "check" real fast or you maybe getting divorce papers before long.

Answer 8

Try to get him to talk to you honestly and openly.
Ask him what is it that you are doing wrong? He is obviously
looking for attention on chat lines. Give him more of your time and attention. Get interested in what is he doing. Go on the computer and see what chat rooms he is going to. if you have another computer sign yourself up and give yourself a nickname he won't recognize you and talk to him. See what he really talking about and to whom.

Maybe he is looking for attention and he is looking in the wrong places. Trying dating him as once you just done before.
Get him away from the computer as much as possible,

Answer 9

I am having the same problem with my husband and he says it;s all me. I would advise you to go to counseling together if you hope to save your marriage. My husband refuses to go and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and we have our third child on the way. You need to sit him down and confront him with the problems and tell him that if he's not willing to work things out and get counseling that you two will not be together much longer if things keep going this way. I truly understand what you are going through and if you need anyone to talk to you can email me anytime.

Answer 10

i feel 4 u we'll apparently your husband is cheating if not maybe just needs space look some piece of advice 2 u when he leaves home follow its the only thing u can figure out if there a triagle or not and still hope 4 the best make him is fav dinner remember
love + pain = marriage

Answer 11

thats a tough call talk to your husband let him know that u feel the distant and ask him to be honest about his feeling because u love him but if hes not happy with the marriage let u know .and hopefully the both of u can fix the problem