but my ex's has only been working 6 months after being out of work for 3 years trying to get on disability. he can't keep food in the house, different people buy him food.he has no car, lost his car plus his mother's car, no phone, no cable tv. he never cleans the house it smells awful, clothes my son takes with him never get back with him muchless washed. my son has no rules while at his fathers, where he does have rules and chores in our home. my son won't listen when I tell him that his father needs more time to get on his feet and stable. shold I get him in counciling?
2007-01-13 12:10:41 · 9 answers · asked by tnjunglejane 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have 2 other kids, a 27 year old that had 4 years in the Marine corp. he has a great job,buying a home and has a new pick up truck, works every day. Then theres my 24 year old, he's married and has a son, my grandson, buying his home on 3 acres of land, owns two vechiles, has a good job, works every day. my rules and standards in raising them was okay, so the same rules and standards appy to my other kids, rising 4 boys is a full time job and I don't think my mothering skills are so bad.
2007-01-14 01:24:27 · update #1
Yikes. Over my dead body would I allow my child to reside in such a place.
Be frank with your son. Tell him exactly what you posted in your question, and that he needs to understand your concern over his physical and emotional welfare. Telling him that his Dad "needs more time to get on his feet" makes it sound as though there's an option, which I don't think there should be.
Counseling sure wouldn't hurt, and just might help him understand that his life will turn out so much better when he has a good role model (you) and responsibilities.
2007-01-13 12:18:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is preventing our children from doing their own learning.
There is a lot of powerful elements at work here and it is to be remembered that this is a boy we are talking about who is going through adolescence.
It seems by the product of your other sons that good rolemodelling is not a problem with regards to working and establishing a future and perhaps your ex husband is the lesson your 14yr old needs to learn.
It is time for your son to learn the bigger meaning of differences. Give him your blessings and feel confident he will learn.
Dont, and he will rebel.
Try to change his mind and you will only further empower his resolve.
Let him go while the passion is in him and be there for him when he finds out his fantasy of an easy life with dad is an illusion.
Please understand...logic and reason have very little to do with a 14yr olds concepts of life.
PS.. These years cannot trully be an indication of a persons future outlook on life.
Is perhaps the underlying issue your own fear of losing the baby of the family and being alone??
2007-01-16 14:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No; If the father can't provide for himself he can't provide for his son either. It sounds like the father is a long way from getting his life together and if there is any chance of doing so he need to put his all of his energy to get to this point. As far as the 14 year old child I don't feel like he should be kept from seeing his father but at the age of 14 he needs all the rules and guidance from a mature Parant figure he can get. There will be hard feelings on his part because it's only natural that he would want to live were life would be easist on him. It's the parent job to make the hard decisions for him.
2007-01-13 12:40:39 · answer #3 · answered by tim c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask his father to back you up on this. He does need time to get back on his feet. Your son probably would put up with a mess like that simply to be free of rules.
Counseling may be needed. But you can't force a person to change through counseling they have to want to change. Forcing your son into counseling might result in him hating you for the rest of your life.
2007-01-13 12:20:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHat is counseling going to do?
The couselor will tell him the same thing that you have....every kid goes thru this (romanticizing the absent parent)
If is father is in agreement,
LEt him go
when the honeymoon is over
he will be begging you to come back home!
The first time he goes to school with smelling clothing on, he will be begging you to send him something new...the first night he goes to bed hungry, he will be begging you for food
the first night he wants to watch a tv game on cable, same thing
P.s. His father wont want him to stay when they are having to compete for food with each other!
Send your son with a pay as you go cellphone (walmart $35.00) and instruct him to use it for emergencies....
It will probably be used within the month to call you!
2007-01-13 12:19:16 · answer #5 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The biggest influence in a boys life is his father. His dad may not be ideal, but he has something to teach his son. As long as he is not being abused, and he is enjoying being with his dad , let him go. He is 14 and wants a little independence. He loves his dad unconditionally. He will resent you for taking the opportunity to spend time with him away. He can go to counsling and spend time with his dad too. Just bite your tongue, let him go, it will all work out okay
2007-01-13 12:34:14 · answer #6 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stick to your guns, making yourself the bad guy if needed. I'd tell your son what you've said here and tell him he's going to have to deal with visits until his dad can prove he's ready to take the responsibilty of a teen.
2007-01-13 12:19:42 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have performed the role of mother rather poorly. Counseling is not the solution. Let him go, and then die in a fire.
2007-01-13 12:32:31 · answer #8 · answered by jedil64931 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
no just let him no what's best
2007-01-13 12:57:19 · answer #9 · answered by shawney 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋