My 10 y.o. is overweight. Your thoughts please.?

Question

She is in the 90%ile, so it's not my own view of "average", please let me say to begin with. I don't keep unhealthy snacks in the house, and since having lost nearly 50lbs. of my own in the last couple years I only cook low fat/cal healthy meals for my family. I also exercise at least 4x per week and make it a point to let her know what I am doing to try to set an example of pursuing a healthy lifestyle. Her biggest problems that I recognize are 1) genetics; her dad is overweight himself, as is both sides of our families, 2) lack of physical activity on her part and 3) lack of support of her dad's part (we are divorced). I've charted her height/weight percentages & BMI and shown this to him to put it in black & white that she has a problem & we need to work together on this. But he continues to bring her to fast food places, buy her whatever junk food in the store she wants, and doesn't encourage her to go out to play when she is with him. How do I get him on board with my efforts?

Knerba - I've tried having her do 10-12 minutes on the treadmill in the afternoons after school before she can turn the tv or xBox on. But it hasn't umm... Kept up with the gains on the scale. I've moved the 'mill to a less accessible area for her to do this though. I must try to be more consistent with this requirement. Thanks for your suggestion.

Prolific - I understand your comments completely, but we live 2 hours apart and, unfortunately, I know he would not make the time to join us at a dr. appt in our area. I don't want to restrict his visits b/c he is otherwise a good Dad to her. He thinks I have an eating disorder anyway (I don't! I'm just healthy & he isn't) and am only projecting my "warped" views on her. Thanks for your input too.

Thanks for all your input. I've tried getting her involved in active extracurricular activities, but so far nothing has interested her. She was in dance for 6 years straight but didn't want to do it any longer. I've tried to get her interested in soccer, basketball, t-ball, karate - you name it, but she isn't into any of it. She's like I was as a kid - bookish and inactive. There is a kids' weight loss group, sponsored by the local hospital, that I'm considering enrolling her in, but I worry it'll be a lost cause every other weekend when she's at his house. It requires parental/family involvement, which I am all for, but as I said - lost cause. I know what it's like to be called a "porker" as a kid and only want to save her from the same treatment.

Answer 1

Video games can help that.

Get your kid this game: Dance Dance Revolution. You must get the bundle (includes game and 1 Konami offical softpad) for this to be effective.

Now, if you have a PS2, get DDR EXtreme 2 or DDR SuperNOVA, the most recent (there is no difference, except in song selection and that in EX2, there is only Event Mode for Free Play). For XBox, get UltraMix 3 or 4.

Have her do FreePlay (arcade mode/game mode), just to get started. For extra help, go into beginner mode (aka, Tutorial Mode).

Now, to track her progess, you need a memory card for the PS2 mixes.

Weight loss will be dependent upon difficulty, speed, and succession rate. Just have her steer clear from the MAX songs and Paranoia Survivor/Survivor MAX.

That's how I dropped from 150 to 132 lbs. in six weeks!

Answer 2

Well, I might say try enroling her in a gymnastics class. I have been doing gymnastics since i was 3 and i am 14 now. I am a competitive gymnast(level 8 traing 9 also . . . then theres 10/elite . . . so im pretty high up there). anyways the thing about gymnastics is that it gives you really good excercise and is CHALLENGING. it also makes you feel really good when you get a new skill after working on it and perfecting all sorts of handy drill to help you learn the skill. I know she would have to start out low, but if she likes it then hey, it giing her excercise! It will help her lose weight since gymnastics takes so much physical strangth. Especially if you are overweight, at least it seems like it would be a lot harder. I am 5'4" and only weigh around 94-95 pounds, have genetics on my side, am active and the downside to all this is that people have recently been saying I am anorexic and that i would look real good with the other person(who is a guy by the way) that they call anorexic cause we are both so thin and "don't have any problems with anything at all". biy are they wrong! I am actually pretty miserably with my life, but hey, it will get better. And being called anorexic feels alot like being called fat. the part i dont mind is that the guy they are talking about is the hottest guy in the world and is a level 10 gymnast and REALLY good ad he goes to my gym and i really like him. Too bad hes 16 . . . but hes like a 14/15 year old. Anyways i got way off track there sorry! but you should try enroling her in a gymnastics class, she can meet people there who could turn out to be her best friend for a long time. My best friend does gym with me and I know she wil always be there for me and and i will be there for her also. I can tell her practically everything. So gymnastics had LOTS of benefits1

Answer 3

Just a though here but ahve you ever had her thyroid checked? It can cause overweight. My sister struggled with weightloss her whole life intill she discovered that her thyroid was underactive. I cant be positive but if you are cooking healthy all the time she must be eating really bad with her father to be putting on that much weight. And as for getting her to excerise, dont take away her privliges if she doesnt. Try making it like a mom daughter bonding thing. Have the two of you go for walks in the evening. Or work out together, not only will it give you more time to talk but you will be getting her up doing things. Also do you moniter what she is getting in school? I would say defintly pack a lunch. My school was filled with bags of chips, brownies,cookies,pizza, cheeseburgers, taco salad. Good luck

Answer 4

She's a kid! My mom used to (I felt like pick on me) about my weight when I was young and it made me feel even worse and infact I started to notice howmuch bigger my legs were compared to my thin friends and I always felt like the fat girl.

First of all every child, especially with two overweight familys, is not going to fit into the quote on quote, average range. Also, she's 10, you have to remind her to brush her teeth and make sure sh gets behid her ears so how can u expect her to remember everyday when ever her mind is screaming for a cookie to say, no! Some adults don't have that will power. What ur doing is more damage to ur relationship than a gain for her.

Have u put her in an afterschool activity like soccer, or bikeriding with her every other day?

My mom even put me on diet sodas when I was like 11 and I didn't lose one pound. I lost weight when I was about 14 and I lost my baby fat, ur daughter hasn't even lost that yet, she's not old enough, that will happen when she hits adolescence. Also keep her active, u said when she is with u u eat healthy so why can't she eat something self satisfying one a week or so, but when she comes home talk her for a bike ride to burn off the calories. U can't just talk u have to be active with her.

Personally when I turned 19 I began to mature myself and read books and educated myself about health and when from 160 pounds at 5ft 2in to 125lbs, all on my own and with no pressure.

Give her time she's a kid she has enough to worry about besides how much fat is in what she eats, or having her mom tell her she has to change to make YOU happy!

Answer 5

Good job on your efforts so far. But maybe, you could find an activity that she likes. How many people really enjoy using a treadmill. It's boring. Maybe if the only time she could watch the tv was when she was on the treadmill, but that's a bit unrealistic. There are a lot of things to get her moving. Soccer, basketball, rock climbing, cycling, mountain biking, etc. If you can find something fun for her, it won't be a chore, and she would be more likely to do it more. Also, try to convey to your ex, the health benefits of weight loss if he'll listen. Good luck.

Answer 6

Umm are you wanting an anorexic kid or something? What is 'average' for you may not be average for her. If she is the one wanting to lose weight then it's a different story. All you're going to do is stress her out and that could make her comfort eat and really gain weight.
Stay off her back about it and her dad's. You're divorced so you really can't do anything about it. I'm sure by now you've taught her about making healthy choices when it comes to her food and that's all you need to do.
It's like a former smoker. no one complains about smoker's more then a reformed smoker. Stop nagging and let her enjoy her teenage years.
You can always do things together that would make her be more physical like ride bikes together, if she wants to. Congrats on your weight loss.. just don't let it go to your head.

Answer 7

I think maybe you need to back off in certain ways, and allow her to own the problem. Ditch the charts, percentiles and BMI's. Genes are genes, they cannot be completely overcome. You really don't want her to think you'd be happier if she got thinner. Or even that she would be happier. If you back off, eventually (but not at age 10), she will want to do something about it, and she'll be able to approach the problem without guilt, and without needing to be reactive, defensive or submissive. If you keep serving healthful meals, and continue to exercise, you don't need to say anything about it, she will notice! You can play the role of sympathizer, as in poor us, bad genes, it's so hard, etc., etc., and she will be able to confide in you with her concerns. Besides, all that sympathy will be offset by what she sees you are doing, and she may well become inspired by your example "on her own".

It sounds as though your husband is going to be less than no help, but your daughter can see for herself who is getting thinner and happier, and who is not. Meanwhile, look upon her visits with dad as a time and place where she can "cheat" for "comfort" and neither of you has to acknowledge or confront the lapse. Simply continue the healthful routine at home, and give her hugs! lol

Answer 8

you need tough parenting. Whenever she is at your house, make her exercise for at least 60 minutes each day, which all children her age should do. Maby you should buy her Dance Dance Revolution and a dance pad for her xbox, it is actually a very good and fun way to exercise. My parents on me used a very succesful method of my losing weight, bribery, also known as incentive. When i was 11 and 130 pounds, my parents told me i could get a new cell phone if i lost 15 pounds, and in a month, i lost 15 pounds.

Answer 9

Talk to her pediatrician and work out a healthy diet and exercise program that would be right for her. Talk to the school that she goes to and make sure they are not giving out unhealthy snacks or unhealthy foods at school. Then talk to your ex, and try and make him understand that if he cares about his daughter at all he will do what is right and help her to live a happy and healthy life. He may not see the problem, so if you two are on good terms or at least can tolerate each other for a few hours you may want him to be there at the pediatricians with you and your daughter while her weight issue is being discussed. If he continues to disregard your daughters health after that then I would suggest taking some sort of legal action, and reducing his visits with your daughter. After all, it is her health and well being that he is hurting. He needs to realize what he is doing to her isn't good, and if it takes something drastic to open his eyes to reality then so be it.

Answer 10

Try changing the size of your dinner plates so you can feed her smaller portions without her noticing. Do not buy any form of lollies, biscuits, cakes etc. If she wants dessert, try things like grilled bananas with a bit of orange juice and honey sprinkled over them. Or chop up some nice fruit like watermelon, rock melon, strawberries etc.

Reward her with incentives like cash or a trip to the movies for losing weight and exercising. Put weight loss charts up on the kitchen wall for both of you listing all the incentives she'll get if she sticks to the weight loss plan. They don't have to be big rewards, just something she cares about and cash is king! What about $2 for every pound she loses?