Im 25 and he is 28, we have 2 years. We're from different countries, have different social economical and religion backgrounds, and live separately but we love eachother and visit everytime we can. We want to be together forever and we are tired of traveling. We love and miss eachother a lot and also believe that we're ready to marry. We're both professionals and have our jobs in our home countries.He proposed 6 months ago but after a while he doesn't like to mention the "W" word or gets nervous when our friends ask us: when are you getting maried?
I asked to him if he had changed his mind and he says he is fully convinced that he loves me and wants to marry me but he is a little scared and not sure about how to marry me, when, where, and other stuff. Sometimes I think that I put pressure on him when I ask him. I really want to know if he wants to marry me, I love him with all my heart but not because he put a ring on my finger means that he is fully convinced. what's wrong with him?
2007-01-13 11:41:55 · 9 answers · asked by Lisa Wang 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
i'm sure he loves you just as much as you love him, which is why he says he still wants to marry you.
he is probably just worried, since he wants his wedding with you to be absolutely perfect.
and if you are still unsure,
why don't you sit down with him, and just tell him exactly what you just described to use about your feelings, concerns, and fears.
If you will be spending the rest of your life with him, then you should be comfortable enough and not be afraid to sit down and talk to him, and let him know how you are feeling, in regards to how he's acting.
2007-01-13 11:48:34 · answer #1 · answered by ♥madluv4tai♥ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why do we always want to change things? Commit ourselves? We just do, for some reason. But that doesn't mean we don't have second thoughts.
Think about it this way: you and your fiance fell in love with circumstances being one way. You've kept a relationship going with many of those things being unchanged. And, the fact is, your whole, real relationship exists in that set of circumstances. By deciding to get married, you're basically saying that the way things have been hasn't suited you. Many of the basic circumstances that have made your relationship work the way it has will necessarily change if you get married. That doesn't mean it won't be a wonderful marriage, but you're going to chuck something that's worked in favor of something else that you can only hope will succeed and imagine will turn out to be better than the life the two of you have had together (unmarried) so far.
A lot of times people look back on their early days together and wish that they'd been aware of the tremendous stress that comes from getting married - the entanglements, the compromises, the expectations of families and society. Hamlet says something about "bear[ing] those ills we have/Than fly to others that we know not of."
Besides wanting to stop travelling, I wonder why you really want to get married. Truly. And ask yourself, why aren't you as ambivalent about it as your fiance seems to be? How do you believe life will be better for the two of you when you're married? Are those beliefs based on the your knowledge of the experiences of married people you know? (E.g., no one who gets married plans to get divorced, even though a huge percentage of couples break up; ARE you and your fiance different from the ones whose marriages don't last, or do you just BELIEVE that you are different?) Your fiance may love you so much that he's afraid of falling out of love with you when all the practical realities of living together start to consume your time, energy, and attention.
Please understand, I'm not being cynical. I think very few of us take the time to ask - and answer - these questions for ourselves when we take such huge decisions. Think, for example, of how many people can honestly and reasonably explain why they have children.
If it's worth doing, it should be worth considering rationally, as well as emotionally.
All the best of luck to you.
2007-01-13 12:02:26 · answer #2 · answered by Ron C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations and wow, not too many young people marry any more. Good for you. However.
The "m" word. Well, marriage is one thing the wedding is another. Life is the stuff after the celebrations...truth is maybe he needs some time to breathe, to think about the situation in proper terms. IT isn't about love it is about a decision and honestly it is one that should be thought about. Carefully. If in doubt...if you love this person, let him sort it out. Be patient with him. Be sure of your own feelings too. You can't make someone do something they do what they do out of free will. Trust in your own heart and let him trust in your faith in him to choose the right path I think it would be best for you both. Good luck with your lives.
2007-01-13 11:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by flufrzz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to spend some time together. When do you see each other? Do you plan on living together after you're married? Good communication is the key to every good relationship. It seems to me that you barely know each other and are actually not in love with each other but in love with the idea of being in love. If you have these feelings now, there is no way you will make down the altar. I'm sorry.
2007-01-13 11:48:10 · answer #4 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You did not mention family - his or yours. Perhaps he has issues to resolve with his family. Items that he may be flexible on but his family is not. Same as to your family - are they flexible about him? Remember you marry the family as well as the spouse. Even if you do not like them or agree with their beliefs.
Also some traditions are hard to forgo even for a spouse. What type of wedding does he expect - is it the same as you expect? Lifestyle - where you will live? One of you may have to reloacate.
2007-01-13 11:55:15 · answer #5 · answered by Carl P 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well everyone is like that thier first time, you will be scared too, he just wants everything to be perfect
2007-01-13 11:45:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you've gained some weight since he proposed?
2007-01-13 11:44:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
he is giving up his freedom
2007-01-13 11:53:49 · answer #8 · answered by RENE H 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ask him
2007-01-13 11:44:48 · answer #9 · answered by sofia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋