What If You Are The One That Always Starts The Action With Your Wife and Not Her?

Question

It seems im the one that always gets really horny and starts the sex between us but she gets really worked up..after or even at the start..She likes sex and we have it alot but wonder and even have ask her why she never starts its..And she says I don't ever know when you are feeling well etc..I told her didn't matter she could suprize me sometimes it would be fun..Its this just normal or is there something wrong..

Answer 1

I think it's pretty normal. I mean she's probably just used to it being your idea and since you do it often she doesn't have to worry about initiating. So maybe you could cool it a bit and see if/when she decides to make a move.

Answer 2

It is quite normal for people to have different libidos (i.e., desire for sex). It's also normal for libidos to fluctuate over time. Your wife may not feel like having sex as often as you do so you always get around to asking for it first. That doesn't mean you should stop asking, just that maybe you should be a little more aware of when she may really not be in the mood, even if she agrees to have sex and seems to enjoy it anyway. From her answer to you about why she doesn't initiate sex, I'm tempted to think she wouldn't mind a little more consideration from you in that regard.

Culture, upbringing as well as past experience can have a lot to do with whether a woman initiates sex or is comfortable saying no to her partner. Not only should you reassure her that it's okay for her to initiate sex, but that it's okay for her to say no if she's not in the mood.

Also, remember, every act of intimacy and/or affection does not have to lead to or end in sex. Cuddling while watching a movie or talking; a casual massage; taking a shower together; "spooning" in bed; a quick squeeze (I need a hug!).

Answer 3

1st things 1st- you guys are married so I expect you guys should talk about problems with eachother (not post an internet question). Good you've started the conversation. Now did you listen to her? "I don't ever know when you are feeling well" take a look at her 'excuse/reason'- do you push her away when she makes advances? Are you often complaining that you don't feel well? If so, STOP. Now... if you don't give her any reason not to initiate the sexual interaction, and even after the last attempt to talk about it nothing's changed, talk about it again.
I want to acknowledge your question about the normalicy of your predicament- it is VERY NORMAL. When you are with someone for so long, people take on roles, in terms of sex, you've taken on the role as initiator and she is the receptor of the advances. Also, people get lazy... you take eachother for granted, where in the beginning, you both are so thrilled to be getting any at all, you go after it as much as you can, and oblige even when you're not feeling well.... Now this pattern/behavior/roles can be changed easily. Just talk to her again. Talk to her about it in a nice requesting way, do not at all belittle what she does or does not do, do not set her on the defensive or offensive. Simply have a conversation- tell her, "I would really like it if you would initiate sex more." Tell her how you feel, that possibly you're worried you're not attractive to her anymore.... something.... that shows you're vulnerable, lets her know that you want this not because she's lacking, but because YOU'RE lacking. That makes her WANT to because she'll want to take care of you and be good to you.
Just talk to her... communication is so important in a relaitonship. I mean, you guys are married... you should be able to talk to eachother about things, even little things, that would improve the marriage. =)
Good luck. Don't make it more complicated then it really is- a conversation between two people who love eachother and want to please eachother. What could be easier?!

Answer 4

Well, I've never been married, but I've had several girlfriends who were the exact same way. My guess is that it's an issue of a woman wanting her man to be the man in the bedroom and take the first initiative. But most importantly, if it ain't broke don't fix it. If you two have really good sex often enough that you're both happy with your sex life, just keep on doing it how you're doing it. There's no sense in trying to change the way sex comes about if the sex itself is fine.

Answer 5

I would say there isn't anything wrong. Sometimes we are uncomfortable making the first move. It could be a fear of rejection. Insecurity. That doesnt mean anything is wrong, it is just the way we are. A little tip: If she ever does make that move, don't reject her, no matter how you feel, she may never do it again. P.S. how old / expereinced is she? that could have alot to do with it.

Answer 6

sounds like she is a little worried about getting turned down and trust me women DO NOT like to get turned down when they are offering up sex. Its good that you talked to her about it though. Just wait and see, and also maybe give her a few ideas. If she is on the shy/prudent side she maybe bashful about it and not really in touch with her sexual side so when/if she does initiate it be supportive and don't turn her down. But if you absolutely have too tell her how appreciative you are that she did do it and make the effort.

Answer 7

well im no marriage counseler, but if she is responding why are u worrying? Maybe she likes that you initiate. Us women still have hang ups about sex you know? Even after this whole sexual revolution. She might not want to look like a sex fiend, she might want to look still sweet and innoccent to you. I know I liked when my lover initiated. It made me feel like wow, hes so into me. I must be great etc...imagine if she intitiated and u said no. shed be crushed. I know i was. he gavin in eventually but still. She might be afraid of rejection.

Answer 8

I hardly ever start it with my husband because I never know if he is in the mood or not, And if he is not then he will feel bad if I am and he can't perform. Although sometimes when I do start it with him it's great.

Answer 9

She's just inhibited. Lead by example, I guess? Also, if she makes an effort, MAKE SURE you don't brush her off the first time. I did this pretty much by accident (i was half-asleep when she crawled on top of me) and she basically shrunk back in her little turtle shell.

Answer 10

Come on down! You are the next contestant on MARRIED LIFE! I have been with my wife for going on 15 years, and it has always been that way.