Is it possible to forget the past when you boyfriend had an affair?

Question

My boyfriend and I are trying to give "us" another chance start over and not bring up the past. We use to "party" and made the choice to start over.We are 100% clean have new jobs new bank accounts no friends from the past but I worry that not dealing with this very bad hurtful affair no matter how much I want to forget about it will come back to haunt us because it was never honestly delt with.Not to mention this "woman" lives down the street. Is it possible for me to push this away never have had answer to my questions

Answer 1

This is very hard to do. Very hard. There are 2 very important things / factors you have to weigh here. #1 It will continually come up in your mind like it or not, but if you trust him now it can work, if you have no trust you have no relationship. #2 If you are so worried about the past this is something that truly hurt you and you have to figure out if you can get through it, but if you dwell in the past you will never have a future.
Good Luck I've Been THere

Answer 2

I really do feel for you. Because to be betrayed is the most
awful feeling. It does not help that the 'other woman' lives
down the street. You say you have new jobs and no friends
from the past etc., but what you really should do is sit down
and talk, talk and talk and make him give answers to your
questions. Until he does you will never be able to move on. Perhaps you should take it a step further and
move away from the district so that you don,t have to worry
about 'bumping' into her. Be true to each other.

Answer 3

I have been through this, so I feel that I am well qualified to answer. Yes it is possible to put the past behind you. It sounds impossible but, it can be done. Forgiveness is a word that everyone says that they can do, but until you are faced with the act of putting it into practice it is hard. WHen I forgave my husband of his infidelity it hurt like hell. Forgiving means letting go. If you truly forgive then you release yourself from the hurt. I know that the hardest part is not having your questions answered, but you may never get them. You are bigger than the situation. Pray for stregnth and you will be able to get through this.

Answer 4

Its a bit of a cop out I reckon on your boyfriends part, and while you say it was decided to not talk about it and start over, was it really a choice you both decided or was it him, not wanting to explain why he did it? I think he is the one who doesnt want to discuss it, and than in itself would cause problems for me. I would like to know what made him have the affair in the first place, but if he is unwilling to talk about it, then I would be wondering why. If it is trully over with this woman, then why wont he talk about it. You need to know a lot more than you do.....and he needs to give you the answers because at the moment your head is like a jigsaw puzzel with the pieces not fitting into place. You need those pieces to fit so as you can honestly move on. You have to get it all right in your head if you want your relationship to work. I dont think you can push it away until you get some answers. It will always bother you until you do. If he is not prepared to talk about it, then I would be thinking there is something still going on considering she still lives down the street. I would not like to be in your situation and just take him on face value....I would need the answers to my questions and I wouldnt give up until he gave them to me. It will always be a ghost in your closet if it is not dealt with. Once it is dealt with and you know the reasons why he did it and know the affair has stopped, then maybe you can put it to rest, but until he gives you those answers, you will always be wondering.

Answer 5

hun u will neva truly 4 get the past. all we can tri n do in situations like this is tri to move on. given that tis woman only lives downthe st is a large part of the issue.. so u need to adress it. for starters "honestly deal with the situation" sort out any probs feelings and concerns u hav with ur partner and communicate..he needs to b 100% sure where u stand on this issue. at the end of the day all u can do is trust ...it is the most crucial part to any relationship...

so ask yourself...' can u trust him?

=)

Answer 6

i would say that if you still have questions that are eating away at you they should be addressed. The anger or hurt feelings you may have will never go away if you don't address them. They could just come back as insecurities and distrust. if the two of you really want this to work please talk about what happened and even maybe try seeing a counselor. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

you seriously must move on, some people are just no monogomous and that rarely changes. I believe you already know what the right thing to do is but you are doing the opposite. I believe you are just letting this fella set you up for another heart break.

Answer 8

Forgetting the past is a good recipe for repeating it. No, you can't forget it. You may, over time, learn to forgive the guy but he's the one who violated the deal and he's the one who has to earn your trust. How? By being trustworthy and transparent. If he can't to that, you'd be foolish to trust him and "put it behind you".

Answer 9

well you just told me you were 100% so keep it that way .you and him have a new start in life