How do I get my husband to help me around the house...to be more responsible?

Question

I'm getting very frustrated with my husband. I'm a nurse, I work 36 hours a week. He's a security guard, works 40 hours a week. He does simple things around the house. Like cooking supper-leaves me the mess to clean up. Starts the dishwasher, washes clothes when he needs something washed. Everything else is left up to me. Along with the house work. I have the responsibility of taking care of our "girls." Dogs. I make sure the bills are paid.
I feel like I have all the responsibility...Then I have to worry that if I don't feel like cleaning up all of the house, getting all the clothes washed. That he's gonna get pissed off. I'm not only stressed out at work. I'm STRESSED out here too. HELP!

Answer 1

Either quit your job and be a full time mother and wife. Or just kick him in the balls and tell him thats his reward for not helping.

Answer 2

Sit him down and have a good long talk with him.
My first husband, was such a slob. He would come home from work, sit down and take his shoes off. Those shoes would stay right there until he began looking for them the next morning. Another bad habit was not getting his dirty clothes in to the clothes hamper. I told him "I only wash clothes placed into the clothes hamper. If they're not in there - they don't get washed!" I took him a while to finally get a clue. He would ask me "why haven't my work clothes been washed"? I would say "they weren't IN the clothes hamper". He replied "they were sitting on the floor next to it". I told him "they MUST be IN the hamper. I refuse to do what a normal man, your age, would have no problem doing. How can I teach the kids this when they see you acting like a slob? IN the hamper or they don't get washed!"
He also never; cooked a meal, helped with any cleaning nor changed a diaper. He has been living by himself for over 20 years now and I do NOT wish to even think about how his place looks.
Tell your husband you need for him to do more. A marriage is 50/50.

Answer 3

You need to talk to him. Men are usually fairly clueless, even the good ones, my husband is and he's a good one. You have to tell him what you want, he will not necessarily see what needs to be done on his own. Don't yell or whine, just make sure he knows how you feel and clearly tell him what you want help with. For example, when he cooks and leaves a mess, let him know. Remind him that when the dishwasher is done, it needs to be emptied. If the dogs belong to both of you, then he should help feed, walk and clean up after them. Try splitting the work--if he cooks, you clean up, if you cook, he cleans up. As far as the wash goes, if he already does his own, that's actually a good thing. Maybe you could just each do your own from now on. Ask him what he thinks, you need to communicate and work on this together. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think everyone in a mariage does understand their role and how each one's supposed to contribuate. in my house for example, i dont do much cuz if i do then my wife uses all of her free time to go out and spend it with everybody else (friend and family) so i decided to do the minimum possible so she wont have to go out all the time. I'm sure thats not the case for you but you can establish something really important here, once a week, take to an EMPOWERMENT WALK around a lake or park, just the two of you and talk about the positive stuff only and tell him how you appreciate him and what he does. what that would do is establishing a positive communication and partnerships and if you guys are into emailing, you can send him email of things you need help with if he can. dont let him feel so confortable and start thinking like he has no use in the house work. thanks for asking this, I need to listnen to my own advice. good luck!

Answer 5

I wished my husband cooked! I wish he'd start the dishwasher too!

I find I have to do all of those things myself...but, I don't have a job. So I don't complain because that's my job now to maintain the home.

The fact that he's doing something sounds great. I read someone said about giving him a little extra in the bedroom. I think that advice is great. I've read Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and she says (and I can testify it's true because I've done it and Catherine L on this page commented that she has done it) that you can make them do ANYTHING you want. All that is needed is food, sex and a bed to sleep in.

That's it!!!

Even my father-in-law confessed that this works! In his own words..."If you give a man food, sex and a place to sleep, you can manipulate and make him do ANYTHING you want."

Good luck!

Even if you feel stressed out. Honestly, women have never said no to an orgasm...so go on and have some extra fun time with your husband and expect results!

Answer 6

I work shiftwork and my husband works mon - fri long hours though. i found that if I constanley complained about what he was not doing we would fight heaps. I now suggest he be creative and cook me a different dish or ask him if there is any chance could he lend me a hand in cleaning up. Every now and then I go out and mow the lawn for him and he will say I don't need to do that but I always stroke his ego and tell him how wonderful he is by helping me and I just wanted to help him. It's working for me maybe it will for you. remeber you catch more flies with honey then vingar. Strok his ego a little and watch how he will help you out and life may be a little less stressful for you

Answer 7

If you can stand it, let all the work go and only do what is absolutely necessary to keep yourself going.( like he does) It might get a bit dirty/cluttered around the House and if he gets pissed, well, that's just to bad, if he gets physical call the cops. If husb. thinks you keep putting up with it, he'll keep on doing it and nothing gets solved.
A Marriage will not survive unless both contribute and since you're doing all the work, why do you want to keep him?
You could do all the things above but for your self and have a lot more fun if no one is breathing down your neck.

Answer 8

I found that I started to do more for him in areas and he started helping me around the house. They think we love them when we give them things in the bedroom. Or atleast mine does. He will clean the entire house if I give him a BJ. Now I am not condoning this and it makes me sick to even think about it but I show him a little bit of loving and He helps out around the house with out me asking.

It took me awhile to get to this place, with the submissive thing, and he should just do it and all that. When we got married, as a wife I am suppose to take care of him in ways and when I learned what those where, we are getting along awesome now!!

Sometimes a wine spritzer goes a long way.lol

Answer 9

Won’t help me with house chores.
Won’t stop spending on his toys and hobbies.
Won’t even take out the garbage.
Would leave his dirty shirts, jeans, socks and underwear wherever he takes them off.
Would leave house without taking the house keys with him, twice he came back ringing the doorbell and I was in the shower. I had to go out dripping just to let him in.
Would put the toilet seat up, never put it back down and have pee drops all over the toilet bowl rim.
Would spend money on satellite dishes, security cameras, etc but he won’t install them so they are effectively useless and waste of money.
Would throw cigarette butts into the toilet bowl and kitchen sink, I tolerated that.
Doesn’t want to go places with me and he won’t drive.
Took pictures of me while taking a shower and getting dressed. I told him no but he still did it. I felt violated.
Would sit down and wait for me to serve him his meal. He would ask for pop, salt and pepper, he would never get them himself.
Would force me to have sex even when I am tired because I have been working fulltime and running the house.

That's my husband I am going to divorce so actually you are luckier.

Answer 10

That's EASY.

Buy some sexy negligee and show it to him. Tell him that in order for you to put it on for him and to allow him to have the treat inside the negligee, then this is what you need to do.
Just as soon as your portion is done, then you can pick out the outfit, i will put it on and model it for you and tease you a little bit, then, if you are good,, you may have a sample.

I would clean the toilet daily with my toothbrush to have a package deal like that.

NUMMY!!!

Answer 11

Have you talked with him? I mean really talked with him? If so, and things haven't changed, does he really care about your happiness? Marriage is a 50/50 deal. If he cares 100% about your relationship, he would make the changes he needs to to make things easier for the both of you. Talk with him, and if he still doesn not help out, you might want to consider counseling.