Me and my husband seperated in June of 2005 after I had an affair with my boss. For a year he begged and begged for us to get back together but I didn't want to because I was living the "single" life. He filed for divorce during this time also and so I thought he really didn't want me. Well in May of 2006 I decided that I wanted to be with him again so we got back together. We still lived seperatly because we both had jobs in different towns. I again went back to my ex boss and had an affair once again. My husband was heart broken again. He told me he was done with me this time. This was Dec 2006. I have recently told him how sorry I am and how much I really do love him and want him back. He just keeps saying that I don't understand and that he still loves me but he can't be with a liar and cheater. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with him. We have been together since i was 15. I just want him back soo bad. Anyone know what I can say to get him back??
2007-01-13 10:33:32 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actions always speak louder than words. He trusted you would remain faithful after your affair with you boss, but you disrespected his trust and did it again. If you were him, would you believe anything you said? I dont know what you can do, you pretty much shoed him that you cant be trusted. The only thing I can suggest is counselling. Tell him you were young and silly and that you have really learnt your lesson and you are prepared to do anything to get back with him. Maybe even telling him that you will quit your job and find one elsewhere. Tell him you want him to go to counselling with you to try to sort out a solution...that is the best advice I can give. You have to see this from his perspective, but if he loves you enough maybe he will want to go to counselling too. There must be so many unresolved issues within your relationship and maybe counselling is your only chance of getting him back. At least it would show him you really did want to work on the problems. May I say though, if you cannot be faithful, then dont put him through any more hurt, let him go to find a woman who will remain faithful to him. If you love him, you will let him go. If you are serious and he is the only man for you, then counselling, in my opinion will be your only hope of success....lets hope he hasnt been hurt too much to be open to the possiblity.
Good luck....I hope it isnt too late for the both of you, but I tend to think it could be. But hey, nothing is set in concrete and anything is possible. Give it a go, it cant hurt. But if he refuses to go to counselling and has made it clear he could never trust you again, no matter what, then you have to accept it and allow him to move on.
2007-01-13 10:46:37 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U really messed up bad. U not only did it once but twice. Can u really blame him for not wanting u back? After all the lies u can't expect him to believe that u would do anything to get him back. He has suffered all this time while u were out having the time of your life. In my opinion if u really loved him u would have not cheated on him in the first place. Maybe it is just the thought that he might end up with someone else that bothers u. I don't think there is anything u can do or say to change his mind. If it were the first time then maybe but not now. Most men would not have given u a second chance. Sounds like u missed out on a good man and u have no one to blame but yourself. Learn from your mistake and don't do this to the next man that loves u.
2007-01-13 11:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Shery W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cheated on him and then got back together and cheated on him again? He's right...you don't understand! He will never, ever be able to trust you again. If you were really willing to do anything to get back together you would have given up the single life when you did but you kept that going didn't you? You apparantly want the best of both worlds, marriage and security and freedom to enjoy the pleasures you desire. You are not willing to do anything to get back together or you would have already done it, or in this case, not done it. Your boss probably will never marry you either, he has no reason to trust you either, does he?
2007-01-13 10:44:35 · answer #3 · answered by Robert P 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He gave you a second chance already and you messed it. Now you must live with the regret of what you caused. As much as he may love you still; the trust has been broken and that is very hard to get back. If he does find it in his heart to give you a third chance; you better do whatever it takes for him to be able to trust you. My advice would be to seek counseling, go to church on a regular basis and have open honest communication.
2007-01-14 08:59:15 · answer #4 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There comes a time to think of others first instead of your self. If you really love him you will think of him. So this is what you do. Call him up, tell him you are sorry about being a cheating worthless *****. Then tell him you are not going to bother him any more. You need to remind him that you are just a cheating worthless *****. Then go to a medical test site and donate yourself to whatever bazaar tests they can run. This will actually finally give your life meaning. Unfortunately at the end of the tests you will still be a (lets all say it together now) a cheating worthless *****.
2007-01-13 10:48:57 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry honey but I think it is too late for you. I am personally against cheaters and if you really did love him in the first place you would not have done this to him. twice. You need to find someone else because if I were him I would not take you back either. You need to learn from your mistakes and realize the severity of what you have done. If just takes you back again then what are you really learning! It hurts but it is the truth. In your next relationship you should try to be more faithful!
2007-01-13 10:42:07 · answer #6 · answered by Amber S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't want to have his heart broken again,i doudt if there is much u can do to convince him your sincere. u seem to talk about these affairs u had, as if they were just something u did, and they were no big deal, but they were a big deal to him, that's why he won't take u back, u failed to show remorse, failed to acknowledge that what u did to him hurt him, now u just want to know what to say to get him back, well if u don't have a clue than u really aren't that sincere. if u really loved him in the first place u wouldn't have cheated on him, karma does come back to us, now it appears it is your turn to love someone and really want them back, and get rejected. how does it feel? now u know how he felt. the time to restore the marriage has come and gone, the bridges that connected u , u made sure u burned, your doing. too late....
2007-01-13 11:00:43 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i think that the problem was that you've been together during the "best" years and probably you would've rather try something else during those years (from 18 to 21)... but that's not the point, the point is that you should demostrate him that: 1) you will NEVER cheat on him again... proove him that you're (if you really are) serious this time and 2) let him know that you love him too and tell him that those were mistakes from the past, that you weren't thinking clearly and you just didin't know what to do in those situations... hope it works....
2007-01-13 10:47:17 · answer #8 · answered by Roberto Martínez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but in all honesty I don't think your husband could ever look at you the same way again.
How on earth do you think you can convince him that you love him and continue to break his heart over and over. He has feelings too.
My heart goes out to him and I pray he finds a decent woman some day deserving of him.
As for you, I am so glad you are not married to one of my 3 sons. I would be heartbroken for anyone of them.
Your husband tried to be above fair, he gave you a second chance and you blew it.
YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS ????
2007-01-13 10:51:06 · answer #9 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have manogomy issues that you should work out with a counselor or a therapist before you go back with him. The last thing he needs is for you to break his heart again.
You have to realize how much pain you put him through. If someone did that to you would you take them right back? First you have to show him how much you care about him and above all else give him time. Something like what you did to him doesn't just go away when you want it to.
2007-01-13 10:39:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋