Plz help i can't stop crying i just wanna die rite now???

Question

i was sooo much happoier still a little miserable (but tht i think was from just having no friends which i was always miserable for) but now i feel so much much happier!!! when my mom moved out away from my dad. even then though he still was and is trying to control us but didn't really get the chance to since he wasn't living w/ us. and yes my mom would let him she's so weak. but still i was happoer being away from tht asshole(even though we saw hi, evberyday at my grandma's) but she's feeling so lonely and depressed liek her usual self she says we're going back! (i can't help crying as i write this). i was so happy and now it's all just crushed down. even if he wud change it's not the same (even if he wasn't mean he'd still control like now and i still feel more free in this house no home) if u want info on my dad look at all my old quests. and i'm not an adult so i can't move out. i wish my mom foudn sum1else wut do i do? oh and how do i make tht 2nd additonal detil box *** up to wr

Additional Details

54 minutes ago
in our old house everytime i used to hear the garage i would feel sad and scared becuz he was cumin, everytime he comes in i feel like that and i even fee; abnormal for the way i feel (especialy how i feel when i cry like now) i feel like i'me happy but not it's being crushed and like i said even if he did change i still wudn't wanna go bak. especially since my mom wud nevet leave then. i know tht sounds stupid but u don't understand. and i'm all alone! cuz he's mr. nice guy ro my ext. fam so they'll be happy and they know he is or was! u know be4 my mom married him she never dated him or knew him personally! she just saw him at places w/ fam. and liked him 4 his looks! (she doesn't know i know tht my grandma told me) (and he cheated on her b4!) i wana kill myself and i wud if i wasn't afraid of death or burning in hell) yea he had a bad childhood incase ur wonderin. wut shud i do?

20 minutes ago
if my mom were to do this i could never forgive her why do ppl have to be married? why do women feel so alone w/o someone? she says she's afraid of being alone and sick especially when she's old and i will take care of her i said i would but no she has to go back to him how could my mom do this to me? just thinking about our old house (bot even him) makes me feel 'ughh' even when i lived htere and he wasn't there it seemed bad. especially on the weekends it just felt like such a sick feeling i felt like that when i woke up. but i don't feel like tht here. i know this all probably soudns abnormal but my dad was an *** to me my whole life. even my aunt who visited us says i'm much more confident this time(which isn't true) and happier(thts true 4sure). if she goes back it's like idk there'll be no life 4 me. sad at home and no friends to make me feel better or understand. at least i'm a lot happuer at homw now. i don't get picked on this yr but still ui'm a loser w/ only one friend and

12 minutes ago
i don't even know if she likes me sometimes. well skools totoally out of the situation. sry this is really long. i wish my mom was never stupid enough to marry my dad in the 1st place. why would you marry sum2 u know nothing about! and y wud let it happen if u know how my dad is (my uncle on my dad's side proposed it). i cud go to my grandma's house and she said i cud live with her. she sympathisez w/ me eeven though she relly likes my dad blindly like every1 else knwoing how he's treated me especially when i was a little kid. u know wut when i heard sotries like when all ym older cuz's (even the one on my mom's side!) were little they would be afraid of him and would become quiet and scared and **** when anything concerning him wud happen. my cuz used to (idk if she still does) hates him and she's not tht little she's a teen! she's the onyl one who saw him 4 wut he really was. see wut i mean even if he did change i'd be miserable.

25 seconds ago
my mom sayts if he becumes mean again she'll leave him. i can believe tht cuz she did this time but she said 4ever and i don't belive tht. cuzz at the beginnign when we moved out she said she had NO intentions of going back and she felt lonely then too i bet u. (i know her). sumtimes i wish i cud go bak in time and make sure my mom wudn't do this. even if she didn't get married and me & my bro wudn't exist. (God i feel so abnormall for the way i feel inside mayb cuz i've been told tht so much 4om my mom for ahting my dad and other famiyl ppl) if she were to go back i swear i'd never e happy agian as long as i'm there and i'd probably never ever talk again either to any1 or hardly to show my mom wut she's done to me (well i'd be sad naturllay anyways no need to fake it) and i'd never fprgive her for it. i'd rather forgive my dad. i won't hate her but i'll be mad at her 4ever. i just wish i could die right now and go to heaven..i don't ever wanna live w/ him again wut should i do?

if you don't wanna read everything at least read the first part

Answer 1

Dear child, you put this questions on and on. A lot of people gave you lots of good answers. They care about you even they don't know you. You see, in this world you can receive a lot of love, although you and other children like you have missed it.

You don't have to feel guilty for what you are thinking. Focus on solutions.

It's not like you would NEED counselling, but that will help you face the stress and heal the wounds of the past. It will also make you think better solutions.

Stay out of your parents problems. Take care of yourself.

If possible, take self-defence courses and assertiveness training or training against verbal abuse.

Hugs

Answer 2

I know how you must be feeling,because I came from an abusive home myself. I won't go into detail but when you are young and cannot let your feelings be known would make anyone especially you, feel like the whole world had ended. Do the best you can when your Dad is living with you all again, and keep out of his way if possible, do not let this hatred ruin your life think positive that all would work out okay for you all. Killing yourself is not going to help matters any, you need to focus on to how you can find someone you can trust to help you overcome this bad feelings you have, If as you say you will not forgive your Mother for taking your Dad back, will only make things worse, you should feel sorry for your Mother because maybe she thinks that all will be fine again when you are all together again, grownups make mistakes too, and I am betting that your Mother is thinking it too. Above all else your Mother and as hateful as your Father is they are the ones that gave you life with the help, of God so, what do you think God will tell you when you are in his presence if you as you say you will kill yourself would he accept you or be disappointed in you for taking your own life remember, he is the one that decides if we live or die. Please reconsider and have a long talk with your mother about what is bothering you and I hope that you both will find a solution to the problem. I care and hope that everything will work out fine with you all.

Answer 3

I feel so bad for you--
Maybe an aunt or grandparent--take up your gandma's offer to let you move in for a while, until your home life calms down a bit. Or talk to a school counselor, and see if s/he could get you some help. You are SOOO young, I'd hate to see your beautiful life end before it comes to full flower. Just remember that it isn't for forever, even if it seems that way. When you are older, you'll be able to move away for good. Until then, just go day by day. Focus on getting thru the present, and try not to think too much about the past or future. Focus on your school work, and learn to get joy from knowledge.

Answer 4

oh you poor thing. I feel so bad for you. What did he do to you? Was he abusive? That's awful to be so trapped and be in a situation where you have no control no matter how much you hate what is happening to you. You are so down on yourself, you say you feel awful and abnormal, but to me all your feelings seem completely normal considering what you are going through. No wonder it's making you feel so hopeless. Do you have anyone you can talk to? Maybe a school counselor or something? What you really need is a therapist who can help you figure out how to cope with what is happening to you. Maybe start by talking to someone at school, most schools have counselors.

I'm worried about what you said about wanting to die, though. How much do you think about suicide? Is it a passing thought or is it something you spend a lot of time thinking about? Have you thought about ways to kill yourself? You really need to talk to someone about how you have been feeling. A good way to start would be by calling a hotline, such as 1-800-SUICIDE. That way you can talk to someone anonymously and they can tell you what choices are out there for you, and everything you say will be kept private and confidential.

Answer 5

i feel ur pain i grew up in something close to what u r going through rite now..go to a relatives house and stay, even if they think ur dad is great..just try to expain it to them even if you think they're not listening..get help from school, teachers, anyone. they're there to help you with all they can..be patient with ur mom, sometimes parents think they're doing rite by their kids by trying to keep "the family" together. even though this isn't always so..just don't give up..been there where you r now, fight for what you want, what will make you happy, tell them to just listen for a minute that u need to be heard..and that you need for something to change cause you ain't happy..they will listen, may take a time or 2 but, don't give up..adults can be deaf to some things but persistence should help...good luck, people do care..

Answer 6

You need to calm down and talk to someone whom you love and trust. Nothing bad lasts forever, even though it does feel that way, at times. Have faith in yourself, and learn to ask for help and to accept help whenever you get it. If there is nobody else you can trust, or talk to, then talk to the counselor in your school. There are also toll-free phone numbers that you can call, to get help. If you need information or help of any type, e-mail me or message me. My ID on Yahoo is anpadh.

Answer 7

Ok First of all you should talk to someone, and whatever u do don't kill yourself. I am sure your intire family would feel terrible and plus you have your whole life ahead of you don't wast it.

Answer 8

contact somebody that u can confide in, but don't kill yourself, life is a terrible thing to waste.

Answer 9

u know sorry cannot understand ya i understand it but i have to go now sorry