Husband won’t help me with house chores, won’t stop spending on his toys and hobbies?

Question

Then last October 2006, he cheated on me and had sex with another woman, continued communication with her although end of November when he said he stopped. Talked things over with father-in-law and a pastor, I forgave him and said we would try to work things out.

Mid of December, I found out that he lied again and that they have not stopped communicating. He even talked about divorce and them marrying. That was the last straw and last night, I talked to him, more like sobbed to him that it’s over. I am divorcing him. He kept asking me to give us another try and work things out. I told him it’s too late. There’s no trust anymore and I cannot keep on living like this.

We will be married for 4 years by May 2007. I know it probably sounds absurd but maybe I want some input or maybe some words that I am in the right track: Get a divorce. However, I am afraid. Afraid of being alone, yet afraid of being miserably married. Afraid of loving and trusting again.

Answer 1

You're doing the RIGHT thing by divorcing him. Once you get through the divorce, and have had time to heal, you will NOT be alone, I promise you. The fear of loving and trusting again, leaves VERY slowly, if ever. In my case, never, but hopefully as young as you are, and with the right man, it will happen for you. Not all men are scoundrels, but unfortunately a few are. Be careful, get to know them real well, don't sleep with them too soon, and give your heart slowly....you'll do just fine!

Answer 2

Get some divorce counseling or therapy. You need someone to talk to. At the very least, read some books on overcoming divorce or life changes.
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum

Your Divorce Advisor : A Lawyer and a Psychologist GuideYou Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce by Diana Mercer

Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On: A Twelve Step Guide to Divorce Recovery by Micki McWade

Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford

You're doing the right thing.

Answer 3

Well, my husband left me for another woman after 30 years of marriage. I married him when I was 18 and had gone from my parents home to his, so I had never lived alone. I was scared spitless...but, I have learned to get by. I have a really tiny apartment, and I get no support from my ex, so I have to live on what I make. The divorce wasn't my choice (I don't believe in divorce) but it happened and I have to live with it. I would have taken him back (much to my children's disgust) but he made his decision and God allowed it.

Pray about it if you are so inclined....just understand that it might not come out quite the way you think it will. God really does know best.

One more thing to keep in mind: Remember that when he slept with her, he slept with everyone that she slept with (in regards to STDs). Your health is important....get tested!!!

Answer 4

I believe you are a christian. As a christian we should be able to forgive and as christ told his discibles 70 x 7 times. And again in the bible, malachi chapter 2 verse 16 the Lord made us understand that He HATES divorce. I n the whole of matthew chapter 19 we are told you could divorce on the ground of marital unfaithfullyness but you cant re-marry. I would advise you do it according to God's way. Forgive him again but start special prayer for him. Encourage him to come to church with you and pray that he gives his life to Jesus. Please do not nag at him.Also join a prayer group. Then you will see what God can do. God bless and I will pray along with you.

Answer 5

I support you all the way. Although I don't believe in divorce. I might try to separate and then play hard to get--Oh and then mention marriage counseling after all marriage is based on trust and love. And you will never be alone someone is always watching over you.

Answer 6

You are doing the right thing. You have already wasted almost 4 years. Being alone is not that bad, and before you know it, the right person will come along. But first you have to believe in yourself enough to know that you will get through this, it's not the end of the world.

Answer 7

You have done the right thing. Don't let him talk you out of it, or sucker you in with more lies. Yes, the future may seem daunting at the moment, but believe me, once you are divorced and free from all these worries and suspicions, you will feel so much better. Hang in there, girl, things will get better.

Answer 8

I am so sorry that you have to experience this. No one can say my husband has never cheated on me as it could be that they have been caught...

You are doing the right thing for your sanity. Things will not be easy at first, but you deserve a chance to be happy and be with someone you trust and respects you.

I wish you strength and courage for the challenging times to come.X

Answer 9

I didn't read it all due to it being a long story but it is simple I would go on strike and nothing would i do. I would place signs in the front yard in the windows above the bed wife on strike mom on strike what ever and i would hold my ground to this trust me it works I've done it more then once

Answer 10

You have to be strong. I know it's not easy. You know you are miserable, as you put it. You will see how strong you really are. You don't need a man. You certainly don't need one that is lying, cheating and puts no effort into the marriage. He's extra baggage and is causing you stress and heartache, when he's not even worth it. Believe in yourself and have faith. God will help you through this. May God give you strength, courage and guidance.