what would you do when you would find out that YOUR FATHER is cheating on your mother?!?

Question

I have read some messages from his cell-phone, and I've seen some messages from someone... It is " I love you ", "come in 1 hour I've just put him to sleep ( probablly her kid) " ..... It is on the nights when he says that he is playing footbal with his friends. I can't belive it. We are so close and now I find out that he is cheating on my mom ! I don't want to tell mom this, because i don't want them to get divorce. My mother has no idea what is there in his phone. What should I do? I know that it is bad to read his messages, but... And I think I know who is that woman, she works with him.... WHAT SHOULD I DO???? PLEASE, ANSWER

Answer 1

oh my! I have the same thing! I snooped on my father's phone and found some messages too. They are stupid enough not to delete them. I even know who the woman is because she is friends with my mother too! I have said nothing. I am still trying to decide what to do. I think that maybe I will eventually either follow him and catch him in the act or send an anonymous message on her phone to let them know that its not as secret as they think..let them squirm a bit.
I know how you are feeling, and no I have no intentions of telling my mother but I also do not intend to confront my father either. Just in an anonymous way. If you can get a hold of her cell number maybe you can get a message to her? Not threatening, just tell her shes seeing a married man. She might not even know.

Answer 2

Honey, if this is an affair, your mother probably already knows, or at least, suspects.

This is between your mom and dad. Do your best to stay out of it.

If you find you just can't handle it (being quiet), then talk to your dad. Tell him you accidentally saw some messages on his cell phone, and you're concerned. He may have a reasonable explanation.

Don't threaten to go to your mom with the info. IF he is having an affair, your dad needs to be a man and talk to her himself. Maybe they need to get marriage counseling; maybe they need to admit they've gone different directions in life and their marriage isn't what they had hoped for - they may decide to divorce, or they may decide to live with the status quo (I've seen it happen, where people stay married but live separate lives and have significant others outside of the marriage, including children).

Don't contact the other woman, either. That is opening a HUGE can of worms and you really don't want your life that stressed out and totally dramatic.

Hugs, sweetie. I know this is hard and very emotional for you. Try to understand that parents are complex people, not perfect people.

Answer 3

Talk to your dad, tell him what you did and that you know what he is doing. Find out why?? Not that there is ever a good reason for him cheating, but ask him why? He has the answers, tell him that if he does not love your mom its better for him to go. What kind of person is your mom?? I don't mean that bad, but is she going to go psycho if she knows he loves someone else. May be a reason why he has not left yet. Ask him, he has the answers......

Answer 4

You can either tell your mom, or let the phone tell her. Leave the phone, with the message visible, somewhere where she can get to it. Or ask her about the "scandalous" messages she's leaving your father. When she knows she's not the one leaving them, she'll confront your father herself. It's not right for her to go on thinking he's being faithful when he's not. Confronting your father yourself probably won't help too much; he'll either deny it or tell you to mind your own business. I doubt the knowledge of you knowing would make him stop.

Answer 5

Text the phone back and say look woman!!! back off he'z married!!.. myte scare the home wrecker. lol Thing i dont understand is why your father dont hide the phone maybe he wants it out. It's a very difficult situation your in just the thought of a parent is going to be sooo upset is awful.. I went thru a simular situation were my mother left my father for a man over the internet. 25 yrs of marriage destroyed. So i feel ya!.. When we found out i confronted my mother and told her straight out how i felt. It ruined our relationship.. its never been the same. What goes around comes around thou and karma will come back on your father for his adultry. As for you knowing and saying something its something you should think about 1st. However even thou its your mother, your father is her man and he needs to man up and come come clean insted of leaving his dirty news on someone else to let out.

Answer 6

You need to have a talk with your father about this. You're probably going to get in trouble for looking at his messages, but right now, I probably wouldn't care. Anyway, you need to let him know that YOU know about it, and it is too terrible and big a secret for him to ask you to keep. He needs to step up and confess to your mother himself, now. He would have been found out eventually, anyway. The cat's out of the bag, and he needs to face up to his responsibility. Don't let him put any responsibility for this on YOUR shoulders. It's not fair to ask you to hide it for him, so tell him you're not going to do that. If he wants to save his marriage, then he needs to 'fess up, and end the affair and go to counseling with your mother.

P.S. He owes YOU an apology, for putting you in this position. You should never have to be in this position.

Answer 7

Talk to ur father. Let him know you have read the messages. Let him explain to you whats going on and if ur still not satisfied by his answer then let him know you need to speak to ur mom. What a horrible way to find out about one of your parents cheating on their partner if that's what he is doing. Certainly looks that way though. If he is let him know you need space to wrap ur head around whats happening and he should tell ur mom just out of respect.

Answer 8

I think you need to sit down with your father and tell him that you know everything, but just do not tell him how you found out. He needs to make a decision is he in or is he out, but you cannot go on living with this betrayal and deception. Cry if you have to, show your pain and suffering, and what he is doing to you, and if your mother fines out the grief that it will cause her. If he truly cares for his family, he will drop this women like a bad habit.

Answer 9

I would tell her...she deserves to know. I would also tell him that I know whats going on.I wouldnt let my mother live a lie. And you never know once its out in the open, they may be able to work thru it.But before you do anything pray on it and ask God what you should do, and to give you the strength to do it. All things done in the dark,MUST come to light.

Answer 10

The first thing you should do is to confront him . Let him know that you are aware of what is going on. Tell him if this does not stop you will tell your mother.He is wrong.He no doubt thinks he is getting away with it. I am so sorry . I hope this works out the way you want it to .