I love my son and I think I love my wife I mean I hate her more mose times. I just want my life back and If I support and love my son isn't that enuf?? I just want to be happy too! Should I play into the whole family crap for 18 years? I just feel like I'll be so fake after that long that I'll stay and be everything I hate? any advice?
2007-01-13 06:30:35 · 46 answers · asked by november 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems you don't have any reason to stay. Remember, though, our challenges either build character or reveal it. I hope you build it. Best of luck.
2007-01-13 06:33:45 · answer #1 · answered by Dorothy and Toto 5 · 3⤊ 3⤋
What did you expect when you married and made the decision to have a baby? You can never go back. That's like saying you loved playing softball when you were ten and want to go back, spend your life at age ten playing ball. Life is an evolution and having a family is a great big part of that evolution. Your family life will be what you make it and put into it. You want a crappy family life you'll have one, but if you put effort into it will be the best possible life you can desire. Life doesn't have to be a drag because you are a family man.....step up and be the man your child and wife will respect. No it's not enough for you to be the supplier of income.....How did you grown up???? Do you want your baby to have the same or better? You are the captain on the boat of life, you can sail along in calm waters enjoy each new turn or you can struggle thru a sea of crap created by your own selfishness.
2007-01-13 06:41:38 · answer #2 · answered by crkristy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
let me guess, you got a girl pregnant and then tried to do the right thing my marrying her and attempting "the whole family crap." I can't tell you about her, except that if you really don't want to be doing this, going through the motions simply isn't enough, you really have to be committed to making a good relationship in order for it to work, not to mention so does she. Better to leave now while the baby is still young enough to not really understand a divorce. ALSO, keep up the good work of loving your son. Be committed both in time and finances to be there for him. Act politely towards your ex, and respectuflly always, don't bad mouth her. Just remember, money isn't enough, he will need a good and strong male role model. The truth is you'll never get your old life back, because now you are a father, and like it or not, it does change somethings. At the very least, take pride in being a father, don't let it be a trap.
2007-01-13 06:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want your life back? Are you kidding? You HAVE your life. And your life has a wife and a child in it. A wife that YOU chose and a child that YOU made. Unfortunately, it sounds like you never finished growing up. You seem to think there are still do-overs. There aren't. You can't go backwards, just because you abandon your wife and son. You'll never be young and single again, you'll just be that man who left his family and who didn't take care of his responsibilities.
The people telling you to leave if you aren't happy are just plain WRONG. Nothing in this life says that you are supposed to be happy all the time. It's not happy all the time when you're a child, much less when you're an adult. Life is hard, and it's not always fun. But it's what we do. And there are moments of happiness that make it worth while. Moments you'll miss if you leave your family.
I urge you to get into counseling to figure out why you want to destroy this family by leaving. Try and find out what kind of man you really are before you break your family's heart by leaving them. Your child will never recover from the fact that Daddy didn't want to be bothered being his father anymore. I know I didn't when my good for nothing father ran out on me. Please go talk to someone before you make a mistake you can never take back.
2007-01-17 06:29:09 · answer #4 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry you feel that way. I'v been there before and I understand. In fact just reading your question made my heart beat faster with those memories of how I used to feel. You don't HAVE to stay in a situation that you are not happy with. You may not have been meant to be a family man, or you might truly not really love your wife enough to do this. You CAN leave, you do have that option. Most people will give you heck for it but who cares, youre the one who needs to be happy. As long as you support your child financially and offer to babysit often so that your wife can go out and get a life again and meet someone else too. Think long and hard before doing this though because in your situation many people would feel trapped and sometimes it just goes away or they realize that the alternative of divorce and being a part time dad isn't what they really want. So give it a bit more time, and maybe go see a counselor about it to talk things over with. If youre still feeling this badly about it and trapped in 6-8 months than I would start to plan leaving the situation.
2007-01-13 06:40:52 · answer #5 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Explain to her your thoughts and emotions at this point. Convey to her how seriously you feel. Think positive and keep in mind that the best outcome would be you together as a family. There is no support and love in the world that takes the place of actually having your father actually there for you during your childhood and teenage years. I'm not saying stay in the relationship with your wife. But I am saying don't abandon that child and become like some distant family member that he or she sees every now and then. If it takes you becoming her neighbor just so that you can see your childs face and be available, do it.
2007-01-13 06:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by ak8032704 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not "play family", but I think you should have some marriage counseling before you do anything rash. You said you think you love your wife. That is a warning sign, but there might be some hope. YOu probably feel "trapped" because you are young. Life doesn't end at marriage and kids. You can have many exciting adventures together and it is also okay to be apart sometimes.
In answer to your other question, no, supporting your son financially is not enough. There is never a replacement for having a loving father in the home to love, guide, discipline and raise the child as a complement to the mother. You should think long and hard about this and discuss how you feel with your wife and also a counselor or pastor. Good luck
2007-01-13 06:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, it is sure a shame that you didn't not know this before you got married and had a child. So now it's time to grow up and accept your responsibilities. You can be happy within a marriage. You are just feeling overwhelm with the responsibility of it all. Take a deep breath and get a hold of yourself. It's not that you hate the situation you are just getting scared. So talk to your wife about your feelings and maybe you need to go to marital counseling and try to work things out. It's just something call life now you have to live in it.
2007-01-13 07:04:24 · answer #8 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not happy you should do something about it. Your number one priority though is your son. Never forget that. My parents got a divorce when I was 9 and I haven't seen my father since I was 14, I'm 29 now. Stay close to your son. Sometimes it's better to get a divorce than stay in a marriage that is dis-functional . All the fighting, your and your wife's' behavior affects your son. Just make sure that this is what you really want and it's not just a personal crisis that you are going through. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-13 06:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by Katerina Z 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You chose this woman to have a child with and you cant walk away now. Having a baby is the most serious commitment you can undertaken and you can NEVER walk away from it.
You need to speak to your wife and get the problems out in the open. You are going through a difficult patch - just because its like this now doesnt mean you are going to have 18 years of it.
9 months is very young. You still have the sleepless nights and dirty nappies. But think about another few years when you will be able to spend evenings with your wife without being woken up every few hours and being able to take your son places with you.
You have to expect that when a baby comes into a house they become the number one priority. Thats how it works.
Remember.....love honour and obey till death do us part.
2007-01-13 06:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by rodandalisonthompson 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most important part of a marriage is communication. Talk to your wife, tell her how you feel. Maybe she feels the same way. A child's well being should take precedence over anything. Your son will not know what is going on, if something should happen to your marriage. Most things in a marriage can be handled and fixed as long as you are willing to do so. If you have doubts about something, then don't do it. Best wishes
2007-01-13 06:39:28 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋