I cant figure out what to do?

Question

Im a volunteer firefighter have been for 12 years ive been in plenty of fires and seen plenty of disturbing things i am also a tow truck driver i am on the highways in the state of new jersey where cars and big rigs travel at 70 to 80 mph the wife feels that both of these jobs are dangerous and wants me to give up being a firefighter I dont know if i can i love it its who i am and what i do how can she ask me to give it up what can i do to make her happy

Answer 1

Bolster her faith. It is hard (and harder as we get older) to think that our darling man is going to get killed helping other people in dangerous situations - and any time he is away for a long time, that fear builds and mounts in some women. What can she do, except to ask you to stop putting yourself in danger and pray (or invoke her faith, as it were).

It's difficult because I find that what we dwell upon in our heart and in our mind is what we get in our lives - so if she dwells upon worry over you getting hurt, that is likely what she will get in her life, so you do need to address it. Here are somethings that I would suggest:

Introduce her to as many healthy retired and older firemen as you can. Let her see that many men survive this profession - and have an example she can imagine you following.

Don't do foolhardy things around her, even as a joke. You want her to always see you as responsible and careful so that is what she dwells upon.

Stress and worry eat up valuable nutrients - such as magnesium, essential fatty acids, etc. - that you can help to replenish. Blueberries and spinach are high in magnesium, Olive oil high in essnetial fatty acids. You could find a new blueberry juice that you both like a lot, eat more spinach (in salads or on burgers instead of lettuce) and cook more with olive oil. If you are going to talk to her about this, you can tell her that Olive oil works very well if rubbed on the skin over the adrenal glands (uner the ribs on the back) to calm worries and fears, and it's a great moisturizer too. I use it after every shower.

Encourage her to spend time with her friends, particularly when you are working so that she has something to do to keep her mind off the worry.

Visualizations also work well. You can imagine her secure and peaceful in life and she can visualize you as healthy and safe. Spend 3-5 minutes picturing the person in your mind, as clear and detailed as you can. Hold the image, feel it's truth - and don't forget to end each session by imagining yourself happy, fulfilled and contented in your own life.

Peace!

Answer 2

Well the only way to make her happy is to give it up, but i think that would only make u miserable.. ive been in her place, my x was a volunteer firefighter and also a Emt.. and i hated it.. i hated the pager going off and him having to leave during holidays, during dates ect..I respected him for being who he was and i tried to understand and not be selfish, but as the hours would go by with out word u start to panic, but my biggest problem was that he was up at the firehouse all the time.. our lives revolved around the firehouse, and when he could of been home with me he was up there hanging with the guys.. so between training, and calls and him hanging out there it was more then a call of duty it was an obsession for him.
She married u knowing who u were and what u did, so she should find away of handling what she agreed to marry into.. especially when its something u love.. all i can say is find out the root of the problem and try to compromise, if its just because she's scared, then maybe u can find away to handle it better, that u'll call her asap to let her know ur ok.. or something.. but to deny u what u love, will only make u resent her in the long run.. and only make u depressed .. which will ultimately cause problems as well.. so see if u can compromise and find away that both of u can cope with the situation..

Answer 3

Did you have this job when you got married? If so, then she probably should have realized the danger prior to the commitment. If you got the job after the marriage, then I hope you both discussed the pros and cons before taking it. Now that you are in the job, you should probably sit down and go over the pros and cons again to determine whether you will end up leaving the job, if you can afford to leave the job, and what other alternatives there are (maybe a job that's still with the fire department, but not at dangerous).

Answer 4

These are things you should have talked about before getting married, if you've done this for 12 years, she should have known better to try to change you. Woman make the mistake of thinking they can change a man, instead of walking into things with both eyes wide open. Likewise, if she then chose you to be the father of her children, she should have known that she was chosing a father who's job was riskier than most and figured out a way to live with this choice. I think it's unfair of her to ask you to change. You should instead take out a large insurance policy on yourself in case something does happen to you. You tell her that if she insists that you give up your passion of being a real hero and saving lives, then you will become bitter, resentful and unfulfilled. Does she really want to be married to that man. Tell her that you understand her fears, and just to make sure she is financially taken care of, you've arranged a good insurance policy. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Tell her what you just wrote. Being a firefighter is who you are, s he's just worried about you and doesn't want anything to happen to you. All you can do is reassure her that you will be very careful and that you are not being a thrill seeker by doing this. Let her know how much your community needs you to volunteer to protect them. If nothing else works buy her something nice.

Answer 6

When you say making her happy , you know its becasue she is worried that something bad can happen and you may not return home. You need to talk too her about her fears and reasons of why she doesnt want your to be a firefighter. Remember its a give and take relationship! Be honest with your feelings about why you wnat to remain a firefighter and see if yall can find a happy median

Answer 7

So Ryan, did she know you were a firefighter when you two married? Well if she did then she is the one that needs to making a decision, you already know what your doing. You have to have a job you can make a living at and love. But, she loves you and doesn't want to loose you, of course you could be a banker and get shot by a robber. That's life, explain it to her Ryan. Good Luck.

Answer 8

I think you have given your wife reason to ask you to give up these dangerous jobs or at least one of them ( fire fighting). Because of the intensity of this job. She doesn't want to loose you. She loves and cares about you very much and I know that you feel the same way about her or you wouldn't be asking this question. For me, I would need you to hear what I'm asking, (from your heart) and validate my feelings. And of course assure me that you would be extra careful and not take life threatening risk at work.

This is who you are and no one can take that away from you.

Relationships are all about compromise. Pray for the truth and Gods wisdom. Then go love your wife like you haven't for awhile.

God Bless You

Answer 9

The two of you need to read the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. Maybe then she'll understand why you love to do what you do and you'll understand why she feels the need for safety.

Is there are reason this is an issue now? How long have you been married? Were you doing these things before?

Answer 10

The only thing you could do to make her happy. Is give it up you've been on the job for 12 years. Your wife doesn't want you to die on the job. I'm sure she never liked the idea much but let you live your dream.