I think my marriage is over...?

Question

I have been married for 5 and a half years and my husband has told me twice now that he isnt in love with me anymore once last year and then a couple days before my birthday, I have been fooling myself into thinking that I could fix it but I have to start thinking about myself, I ended up in the ER with sharp stomach pain and it has been going on now for 2 weeks because I am so stressed. I love my husband with all my heart but I want someone who loves me back, any idea's on how to cope with the realization that my marriage is over... I could use all the help that I could get.

he also suffers from depression and wont take anything for it and refuses to talk to a counsilor, he say he cares for me but cant make himself feel like he used to that he dosent know that happened, but told me that he knows he treats me horriable and that he is scared he is about to self destruct and is scared he would hurt me and he would never want that to happen. he says he knows that this may be his only chance to be happy and that it would be his fault because of his issues.

Answer 1

For this situation, i would definitely have a sit down talk with him...if he doesn't listen then get some counseling help like marriage counseling..and just say everything that is going on and just what you want to work out...if you really love him, show him and i bet you do but keep showing him until he realizes that he has a best wife and he shouldn't leave her. Go on a vacation just both of you and just have a fun time together. Going on vacation and away from others is a big time stress reliever. Maybe hes stressed and just wants to have some time with you. Spend alot of time as much with him. Keep your body healthy too. Being stressed is something we all don't want to go through espessially going to a ER.It will be ok. Just hang in there and listen to what your heart wants and always remember to never give up on your marriage no matter what obstacles are coming and going.

Answer 2

First of all, get better. Make sure to take care of your health. Second, if you have no children, and even if you did, you do not want to stay in a marriage that is not working, life is too short for that, and frankly, you cannot make anyone love you or have enough love for the both of you. Make sure you get a good divorce lawyer, and finish this before it finishes you.
Sooner than you think you will be on your way, to happiness, with someone who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
Most importantly, invest in your health, eat well, exercise, a healthy mind is in a healthy body. Don't let this ruin you.

Answer 3

I can't help you with the emotional component because I don't know what works best for you. The fact that you are admitting that you deserve better is a very good thing, though, and a first step. Of course the first thing to do is marriage counseling, if you think your husband would go along with it, and if you think it's worth it.

I have to mention the practical side of separation/divorce. You really need to contact a Family Law lawyer to get things worked out. She/he can tell you the steps to take, as far as filing for separation, time lines, what you must do to make sure you are taken care of. This will help you understand that there is more involved than the emotional aspect, as devastating as that is. You need to get your records in order....pay bills, get your own charge card, etc.. If you work and make your own money, arrange to have your paychecks automatically deposited in your own checking account. At least have a consultation with a lawyer, just to get an idea of what will take place. I know it is mentally overwhelming at this time, but you need someone to help you be practical and level-headed at a time like this.

I'm sorry you think your marriage is over. I agree that you deserve to be with someone who loves you and wants to be with you. You deserve true love. Things are going to be tough in the immediate future, but while you're coping, distract yourself with being practical and taking care of yourself too!

Answer 4

Oh wow...I'm so sorry to hear that. It sounds as if your husband wants out. If that's what he wants, I say give it to him. As painful as this must be for you, trying to save the marriage won't make it any better. Freedom is important - whether you're married or not. If you start divorce proceedings, maybe your husband would realize that he really doesn't want to let go - but maybe it is what he really wants. I wish you the best. You deserve much better. Appreciate the good times you had with him and hope that despite it all, you two can remain friends...that's what love is all about.

Answer 5

First, try counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. Another question you should answer, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you. Doe's he mean it when he says it?
How is you marriage in between him saying he doesn't love you?
How do you respond when he says it. You need to get your self esteem back..Do you have children? Is he a good father? Or will he
be a good father if you decide to have children? Maybe it's the normal change of love from"being in love with" to loving in a more
mature and committed way. Maybe he's telling you, to spice it up. Love has it's ups and downs. That's what makes it interesting. Working at marriage is hard, Good luck.

Answer 6

First off have you tried to find out what has happened over the last 5 years to make him feel this way,if not it's time to start communicating, also discuss the possibility of going to a marriage council. Finally I suggest you call DR PHIL. A good marriage is worth A
lot of effort to save.

Answer 7

I'm not to good at this but I'm going to give it my best shot. If you love him and he's being an a... about your marriage then it's time to pack up and move on it's not going to be easy because you love him. Being stressed out over this is not healthy. To deal with something big like this girl get with some of your friends and go have a great time. Once he realize that your not worried about it anymore then he will change his little i don't love you b.s. When you act like you are dating or going to date someone else he will be on his knees begging you to not leave him.

Answer 8

Rejection hurts, but I don't believe that you love him. Think about what would happen if he did love you, and all the things you want him to change. I would bet that there are many things you want him to do differently. You married a guy that you thought you could mold into the husband you wanted.
So give that up.
And when you find the next guy, lighten up. Don't try to MAKE him love you.
Think about all the reasons he is not the right guy and most of your pain we go away.

Answer 9

If you have to THINK that your marriage is over, there's a chance (maybe only a slight one) it isn't.

All relationships work through trust and talking to each other is the basis for trust.

Sit him down and tell him what it's doing to you and what you're having to go through. If he's even a little interested in staying together he'll talk and work with you but you should make other arrangements just in case but don't act on them until necessary.

Answer 10

Just think of it this way at least he told you now and not 20 yrs down the line w/ like 3 kids and stuff. The only thing you can do now is work on yourself and if you have kids just worry about them too, don't let this eat you up or get you down,there's someone out there who will love you for you.