Are we suppose to make ourshelfves happy first before we can make others happy or is it that someone we marry can make us happy ? He was happy with her before marriage, but thought his wife should make him that much happier, that why u marry right?
2007-01-13 05:59:57 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one is responsible for the happiness of someone else. If a person is not happy within themselves then no one else is going to be able to "make" them happy. One has to figure out what it is about life itself that causes them to be happy and then live that life and then add to that life those who also find happiness that way. If your friend is waiting for his wife to "make" him happy he is going to have an unhappy marriage.
2007-01-13 06:08:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happiness comes from within, hon, by pride in one's accomplishments, joy in learning, and realizing what a great thing it is to be alive. Happiness is choosing good options, and looking at one's future and deciding to avoid obvious pitfalls.
For example, getting married at age 17, having a baby (not necessarily in that order) just about guarantees a miserable life... one has hardly had a chance to become educated, and now suddenly there is a third person in a relationship probably not yet strong enough to endure the trauma of childrearing. Divorce happens, the mom is now a single mom, the dad is paying child support, and both will now spend $250,000 to rear a kid they neither one planned for..... a sure recipe for misery.
You are obviously very young, with not much experience, so read, because I am really old (over 40).
Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust --- the four biggies. it is also learning to solve differences without rage, showing lots of kindnesses, loving, planning together how extra time and money is spent, travel, sharing, and sometimes just shutting the hell up. It is avoiding resentment, and it is being considerate. People who yell and scream at each other are immature, and their marriage is pure misery, probably kept together because they cannot afford to get out. So though no one can really make you happy -- since that rather comes from within, people can certainly make you miserable ---- really miserable. The trick in life is to choose everything you do wisely, and see if you can't figure out all that could happen making that choice. For example, it is never a mistake to stay in school, it is ALWAYS a mistake to leave. It is never a mistake to finish college, if you are college material, it is never a mistake to plan to be able to support yourself very well, in a well paying job...., and it is never a mistake to wait to marry until you really know someone. Having children can be a BIG mistake for some couples..
So, do you marry to be happy? No. You marry so that each of you can share the happiness you already have. Can marrying the wrong type of person make you miserable???Ohhh absolutely... marry a drunk, marry one addicted to computer porn, marry someone with inherited depression.... all recipes for a disaster.....
Helpful?
2007-01-13 14:21:51 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never expect someone else to make you happy if your not happy with yourself first. I might work for awhile but once the rush of the wedding and regular life hits you'll be back to square one, sometimes even worse off because now your dealing with another person who expects you to be happy. You should be happy with yourself before you marry, sometimes you can luck out and being in a relationship will make you happier because you cah share things together, the good and the bad. Marriage is a partnership I certainly wouln't want to marry someone who is not happy in themselves its energy sucking after awhile because you end up feeling fake after a while. Well that's all I can say good luck. Maybe get counselling or recommend it to your friend.
2007-01-13 14:11:40 · answer #3 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being happy is in our own hands. No one can help you if you decide to be sad. Getting married and expecting that the wife should make him happy is a very wierd expectation according to me.
2007-01-13 14:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by SP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is not all fun and games. No such thing as constant happiness, for anyone, no matter their status (married single and everything in between). Life is a roller-coaster, ups and downs. If they have issues they have to work on them as a couple. That is part of growing up and starting a family of your own. It takes a lot of compromise, patience, understanding and communication. Be there for him as a friend, but let him and his wife work out their problems for themselves.
2007-01-13 14:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one else in this whole world can make you happy. You have to make yourself happy. It is a futile effort and is going to lead to heartbreak.
This person doesn't sound ready to be in a relationship, let alone getting married.
2007-01-13 14:07:22 · answer #6 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we are responsible for making our own happiness, it is not dependant on others. we first have to love ourselves before we can love others. people we marry can't always make us happy, the happiness lies within ourselves. we marry because we are in love with that person, and want to make them happy and make them first in our lives.
2007-01-13 14:12:21 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot be expected to make someone else happy if you can't make yourself happy first.
2007-01-13 14:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by H.B.K. 2 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
right.....you have to make yourself happy first.....
2007-01-13 14:07:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋