Ignore hateful co-workers or keep trying?

Question

I'm at a new job where I work with a team. That team's been together for 12+ years and they did NOT want to hire me (their choice was overriden). They have been hateful from day one, and it is taking a toll on me now.

I have been trying to be social, friendly, etc., for 5 months. They still just stick together, marginalize me and even talk behind my beack (you know how that stuff gets back). They even undermine and belittle my actions and comments in public.

I now despise them so much I pretty much give them the cold shoulder now and stop trying to be friendly. That is pretty immature of me, I think.

Has anyone walked this path? Do you have any insights?

Thank you!!!

To answer the "what did I do?" question -- The person they wanted to hire was a personal friend who worked there temporarily for a while. They thought she was a shoo-in but I came along and was, according to the boss, the far-more qualified candidate. I did nothing to these people -- never knew them. We work in a larger setting with lots of people who ARE becoming my work-friends and they come and say, I thought you may want to know... (in a helpful, kid way, not a gossip-spreading way).

Thank you for the GREAT comments thus far...

Answer 1

I'm right there with you... I'm totally marginalized in my new job (am I still considered new after 8 months?)... it's depressing because you have spend at least 40 hours of your life with these people, probably more than you spend with people you actually care about. I've been in many better situations, so I know that having a few good friends at work can make all the difference. When you feel like no matter what you do, people will not disrespect you, it's like running on ice... the whole thing just feels so futile. The worst part in my case is that I think I'm making it worse by trying too hard... I look desperate and/or crazy and that can't help me in the respect department. My only advice to you is to avoid that -- don't try too hard, but remain amicable. I have faith that they'll get used to having you around in the long run. Time really does make things better. If I were you, I'd ignore the people who tell you to quit your job because you feel marginalized, unless of course (as some have mentioned) your boss is also marginalizing you. You never know -- you might just be going from the frying pan into the fire.

Answer 2

well since its gone on this long and has gone to this level. my blunt advice.

get them all together and be direct and to the point while being polite. remind them that you were hired in for this job, you are not the one that over rode their choice, you are not the one who created nor laid out that this position was needed. all you did was apply and get a job, just like they had 12 yrs ago.

tell them that you do not appreciate the way you have been treated and believe that their hatred should be directed at the boss or whomever made the choice to begin with. you are nothing more than an innocent bystander that was brought into a prior mess, you were not there to create it, help it, nor solve it till after the fact.

remind them you took the job to be part of the team and that is why you are there, to help them, the team. so instead of pushing you away, they should pull you in as now that means they have 13 over 12...a higher number....and higher numbers mean more power.

Answer 3

It's always tough being the new person on any team. You've got cliques and all that crap to deal with.

The only thing I could suggest is make your work (whatever that may be) the most outstanding it can be. That way they can never fault your performance, your professionalism, and your attention to detail. Never give them an excuse to fire you over some stupid, petty little bullshite.

At the same time, I'd start getting an updated resume handy and start looking for a new job immediately. Worse comes to worse, at least you'll have a way out regardless of the situation at your current job.

Answer 4

Talk it over with the boss. See if there is another position with the company. But, by all means, document the bad behavior. You have a right to work without the stress. And you may even have some legal rights as well. You can not make them like you, but you can find other employment at another place. Like I said, talk it over with your boss. Make him aware of the situation. Record everything, dates, people involved, etc. See an attorney. Seek other venues. These are in reality your ONLY choices. Good luck!

Answer 5

Who hired you? Is he or she someone you can talk to. They must have had a reason for feeling that the team needed you and your skills. If you can't alk to that person, can you approach some other manager or HR person in the company to talk about moving to new area. Take the "I really love this company and am looking for ways that I can grow." approach. Don't hint at the difficulty you are having with your present team. If asked you can say something like, "They are a really great team and work well together, I just not sure if I am a good match where I am."

Answer 6

I've never been through that, but I have a humourous story to share about something like that.

I worked with this Russian Marine Engineer, who would always screw up. The boss would tell him to do one thing, and he would go out and do the complete opposite, and cause numerous problems. So the boss was yelling at him one day, and said "How come whenever I yell at you, you always have that stupid smile on your face!?"

The engineer replied "Well when I used to work in Russia, they would yell at me too, but I didn't get paid so much!" :-D

Just laugh all the way to the bank. They may love you, or they may hate you...but as long as you still get your paycheck every week regardless, don't let it get you down. It's even more of a victory if you make the same wage as them. heh.

Answer 7

I have gone though this and there is no best or easy answer as you probably already know. I don't think you are immature to stop being friendly, but it wont help you. It just gives them something to talk about.
Have you spoken to your boss? Or is he part of the problem?
If so I would look for another job and leave. Human Resources will have an "exit interview" with you that will allow you to air your complaints.

Answer 8

Well friend, there is no easy way out of this. I am part of an outsourcing team myself who was first into the client office in UK. The only way out is you deal with this problem by doing hard work and generate consistent outputs and get recognisaiton from the 12+ members supervisor/manager. It is not impossible if you keep on trying.
One other way out is to try and find out the root cause of this hatredness and plan how you can tackle this issue.
All the best.

Answer 9

If it's possible for you to meet with these people as a group, acknowledge their disappointment that their own choice was overriden. You did not accept this position to spite ANYONE. Give them the chance to voice their concerns about you being the one hired, and address their concerns. Let them know you want a good work relationship with them. They have been together for over twelve years, you are going to have to prove yourself, like it or not.

Answer 10

Why do you let them get to you...Yes it's a team job but do you're own thing if they don't include you. As far as socializing with some one at work i don't do it...why because that is how you get in trouble with them, they become you're friend instead of you re co-worker and they will now look at you as a friend. Show them that you are strong and that you don't give a sh** What they think of you! And stand out! Show them that you're better than they are at everything you do! Cheer up! :)