Please read all so you would understand, well most of the time my house is a mess, and it's getting real frustrating because I expect my wife to clean it. I work from 9am to 6pm weekdays and saturdays from 10am to 2pm in a office work, she only works part time as a teller, around 6hrs from 9:30am to 3pm she doesn't pay any bills in the house but hers, ( Car, credit cards, clothes ) and that's fine I don't mind I do pay for everything that has to do from mortgage to cell phones, all of it. Am I wrong by telling my wife that I expect the house to be clean all the time? Yes we have a 1 1/2 year old baby, and she puts the excuse that I never help her that's why she is not going to clean the house. Is that crap, or am I just really patient?
2007-01-13 05:35:41 · 18 answers · asked by Shadow 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Regardless of the hours you both work and a baby takes allot of time. I think you should both clean the house. However since you are married it would seem only fair that you put your paychecks in one account and pay ALL the bills out of it and what ever is left you should both be able to spend as needed.
2007-01-13 05:43:49 · answer #1 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shadow, you said a couple of things that I would be offended to, you EXPECT her to keep the house clean all the time? And you said TELLING her. Maybe it is the way you approach the subject.
If she does not pay any of the bills, why dont you suggest she have Merry Maids come in once a week and give the house a good cleaning, then she can keep the rest of it up during the week. A small infant does require some work, but most women can work, clean, raise a child, or children with no problem. I know some new mothers get real frustrated trying to get a routine in order, so you need to talk with your wife about this, she may be totally overwhelmed and not know where to start.
You mentioned that you paid all the bills in the house, the fact that she pays only "Hers" does that make you resent her a little?
I think some household help would do you both wonders! Get her a book or tape on organization and time management, that might help her.
Make a list of the chores that need to be done, and there is nothing in the world wrong with you pitching in and doing your share....switch off everyother week or so, then you will both appreciate each other for what you are doing! Don't forget to take her on a date night, that is extremely important to a new mother. you can catch more flies with honey! Honey...i know too, when my husband of 24 years slacks in his duties, he sees me do them and then he feels like a jerk, I never say a word to him, I just put up his tools he leaves around, or his clothes that he takes off and leaves through the house, pick up his beer bottles or coffee cups, then he jumps up and starts to feel bad and wants to help.....
2007-01-13 13:52:58 · answer #2 · answered by Joyce D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, good job on stating what you really feel. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do; you're entitled to your own emotions. At least you can face up to them.
Second, I was on your side until I saw that she's caring for a baby. Everything goes out the window on that. BUT, if you feel that the house isn't clean enough, you could (a) pitch in more and help clean, (b) watch the baby so she can do stuff, or (c) sit down and tell her that you're not happy with the way things are and if they don't improve, you might split. Thats usually a wakeup call. On the other hand, was she a slob before you married her? People don't change.
I forgot option (d): Hire a maid.
2007-01-13 13:44:26 · answer #3 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a bit much to expect the house to be clean all the time. I'v heard that women who stay at home with the kids find it more time consuming and harder than being at work. So to you your wife has a part time job but youre not counting the fact that she also has a full time job looking after your child. I hate to say it, but she might be working harder than you. I bet when you come home from work, you get to stop working for the day, and yet she doesn't really have a start and stop time. I'm worried that your attitude might destroy or hurt your marriage. Please re-think it. I think you need to really think about how many hours a day she is working. When she comes home from her part time job does she actually have time to clean the house or is it spent taking care of a 11/2 year old who are needing constant surveillance.
2007-01-13 14:33:18 · answer #4 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What in the world is stopping you from picking up a broom? Or doing the dishes?
You live there too and make the mess just as much as her and it is not her JOB to clean up after you.
Grow up and start cleaning it if you don't like living in a mess. Give your wife a break. Having a job and caring for a young child is HARD work.
What is the problem as long as at the end of the day everyone is fed and happy?
2007-01-13 14:11:30 · answer #5 · answered by michellecdnd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're both right. She should clean the house,and you should help with the baby. You have to compromise. This is a really big issue with a lot of couples. You can do little things, like take out the trash. I'm sure she'll appreciate it. She is lucky to have a man that is willing to pay everything even though she works. Mine wouldn't. I went on strike too, but it didn't help. Anyways, just help each other. It isn't worth getting divorced over.
2007-01-13 13:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm,maybe the word "expect" is a little unnerving b/c it may make her feel like a child. Both of you work,the amount of hours isnt a fair comparison...being home with a toddler and no adult conversation/interaction feels like a 60 hour work week if we're gonna consider timecards. A nice gesture would be on the weekend evenings you do the dishes together just to spend time together and make her feel like she has a little help. Or surprise her with drawing her a bath after dinner and put the baby to bed..perhaps that will soften her heart a little bit and she'll want to do for you....like clean up the house cuz she knows its what you'd like....not expect.
2007-01-13 13:51:48 · answer #7 · answered by justsayin... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if she works part time and you work 6 days a week , as long as you are neat and don't contribute to a mess, than she should clean the house.I am a stay at home mom. I do the housework, I have teens and they can make a mess, but it does not take much to straighten things up and dust and mop and vacum once a week. i'm sure the baby naps at some point while she is home. I don't think you are asking much at all. I know most of the women here are gonna hate me but i think you are right.
2007-01-13 20:56:24 · answer #8 · answered by missy j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You try cleaning a house with a 1 1/2 year old baby and see how much you get done, on top of "only working part-time".
And yes, its hard to clean up a house when NO ONE will pick up after themselves. Do you pick up after yourself each and everytime you make a mess? I doubt it...no man does.
2007-01-13 15:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by txmom81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 16 month old and work part time..but my house is always clean...the thing that I do is on the days my husband is off I tell him to either help clean or play with the baby so I can get things done..
Maybe thats something you can do
2007-01-13 14:13:44 · answer #10 · answered by Pretty Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋