I haven't had sex with my husband for 8 yrs he's totally not interested. Our 1st 7yrs were great, but now 0.

Question

he's not on any medications,he has discussed this with our family DR who ran blood tests and his testosterone level is fine, i'm still as sexy as ever so I am going crazy. Otherwise he is a wonderful husband (more like a thoughtful roommate) a great father and grandfather. He is 50 but this actually started when he was closer to 40. He says that he is not gay, and he has been to a counselor. He is not interested at all in taking a viagra product because he thinks the disconnect is mental not physical. Short of divorce, I am at a loss as to what to do next. He is OK with the way he is and doesn't seem to understand what he is doing to me. Could there be a problem with another hormone? Is there some other type of medical professional we should see? Does anyone out there have a similar problem?

Answer 1

He's been bored with you for 8 years and sleeping with someone else. Wake up. And just because he says he is not gay, doesn't mean he isn't.

Answer 2

I was a virgin when I married. My ex-wife and I went strong for almost 20 years and then I lost interest for several reasons. First, she did not take care of herself and weight got in the way requiring a lot of effort. 2nd, even though she kept herself clean, when stimulated she would emit quite an odor (not all women do I understand now). 3rd ... sometimes during the act she would be filing her nails and ask "are you done yet?". A complete turnoff. It takes a lot of energy and as I aged the energy level was not there after work or even early morning. After divorcing. I had an encounter with a lady and I used Viagra and that worked fine. But I also had a low testosterone level. So I took some supplements .. but none of that is like real natural testosterone. Probably your biggest problem is the fact that men peak at 18 and women peak at 35. That can make women crazy. Plus ... for whatever reason it is hard for a man to stay interested (sexually) with the same woman. In fact .. women in strip clubs, trying to solicit lap dances, will change their appearance about every 30 minutes to an hour ... honestly...to keep the men's interest. In the end, the sex-marriage situation has to be a REAL attempt through love to keep your partner happy. And I now know .. if true love is there it will not be a problem. For the right woman I will do anything to keep her happy. The right women do exist and many of these present day dating computer systems will probably align you closer to a future mate than the old method .. which was an extremely small "pool" of mates to choose from... meaning whoever you happened to run into during your daily routine. We probably took what we thought was a "reasonable choice" instead of real deep love.

Answer 3

In my opinion, your husband must be going through something that in the end is affecting your love life. My question to you is what is that factor that shut down his drive?.... Another woman? He hates his life? He has a condition that he does not want to tell you? You also would have to ask, why is he still with you if there is nothing going on? Had it been because love was gone, you wouldn't be contemplating divorce... you'd be half way through the paperwork by now. You also have to face the fact that he has gone to a counselor to see if he could solve the problem, and he admits that it is a mental issue that is hindering him. I can only imagine what is happening to you after such a long time..... but sex is not the only aspect in a relationship... understanding and conquering obstacles together like you did in the beginning will do it. Hang in there if you both love each other.

Answer 4

Has he been tested for diabetes? That is a great libido-killer. And it can kill him as well as his sex drive if he doesn't get treatment. He needs to have a complete medical/psychological workup, not just some blood tests.

If a really comprehensive physical shows nothing wrong,tell him you need for him to at least give Viagra a try. If he's still reluctant, tell him it's that or he needs to tolerate your having an affair, as you do not want to live a sexless life any longer. Tell him you'll still come home every night, but if he opts out of that part of the marriage, you have a right to look elsewhere for satisfaction. Then act on it.

Answer 5

I tend to think there is more here then meets the eye, he has tested out fine physically, says himself that it is mental not physical or perhaps by mental he mean emotional.

Do you know where he is all the time, does he have the work schedule that allows him to be out and about?

Does he spend a lot of time on the computer?

I have seen this before and quite often what it is .........is a man who is not willing to be honest because he doesn't want to loose all that he will loose if he is honest.

I think he is either gay or not being true to the relationship and is seeing another woman. I tend to think more gay then not and I really don't know why, very judge mental of me and I apologize for jumping to a conclusion with out any knowledge.

Watch him closely, have him watched to see if there is someone else. Perhaps he is getting satisfied sexually somewhere else and is happy with everything else.

Not good for you an you deserve more.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

I think that as usually the truth is in the middle and so you too should share that situation's guilt.
Talking about divorce, quarrel, uncaring attitude, lack of spurring and sensuality and the long delay, maybe, just had their importance. In my opinion now it's late talking about divorce where the main reason is the sex! At 50 y/o it only will become a ridiculous and unthinkable situation for you both. I don't know your exact age and your physiology, but in your opinion, how long could you have sex hereafter with another man, in case of divorse?!
Is it worth it to leave the mean you loved, your offsprings' dad and an established life FOR some years of sex with another (unknown) man?
Somebody could advise you to wander (hidden) and for the family cohesion it could be better even.
Surely there will be around some similar case..... but what importance could that have then?

Answer 7

You have to take your husband at face value & accept what he says about not being gay. Accusing him of such things would probably only push him away further.

I am male. I am guessing he is stale in the relationship. Do you argue a lot? no - don't you argue? Maybe he is bottling things up? Maybe there is another women? Maybe is tired of the same old routine, arguments etc etc etc.

My suggestion as a male & iam presuming there is already some damage done, maybe go slow, go very slow. Change the routine, go for a holiday even a weekend away, just the both of you. Maybe it is too late but maybe not - don't give up yet. Good luck.

Answer 8

When a couple live together for years, it can become like a brother/sister relationship with no sexual attraction. Couples are lucky when that doesn't happen. No sexual attraction is probably the reason for so many divorces/extramarital affairs.
There is probably not much you can do except insist on Viagra. He would probably enjoy it if he would just give in.

Answer 9

Do you think if he knew you were contemplating divorce that he would seek out medicinal help such as viagra. You would think if you told him, he would want to try something. Talk to him. But dont be so shallow as to leaving a good man just because of sex. Relationships are much more than that.

Answer 10

The answer is easy. He's not sexually attracted to you. Something on YOUR behavior turns him off.
Something what uneasy for him to tell you about.
Maybe you burping or you cursing like a sailor I don't know...
Are you needy? Too attached? Pushy? Is he overly secure in your relationship? Does he think he don't have to do anything anymore for (with) you because you're married?
Does he feel that you can't go anywhere because you have 30yrs mortgage?
I bet you if you were about to leave him, he would change his approach to sex diametrically.

Answer 11

Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with your hubby....... We all have needs, and if for some reason he feels you aren't meeting his needs, the desire for sexual gratification is gone. Tell him that you need the physical part of the relationship in order to feel complete...... Give him a little time to think about it and respond... if he still doesn't show any interest in pleasing you, then you may need to seek drastic measures and tell him you're hiring a swinger or something....