Husband went out without telling me?

Question

So, I spoke to my husband yesterday morning and he told me he was working until 5, then shopping, then he would come home to talk and then was going bowling with co-workers. I have no problem with this but when I called at 8pm and he wasn't home and no one knew where he was, I got worried. I figured by 12am, if he was hurt, the hospital would call his family, and his family would call me. I spoke to his family members at about 12am and they still didn't know where he was.

I go to bed and he calls me at 2:30am telling me he went out with his co-workers right after work. Should he have called me to let me know the change in plans? Should he appoligize for not calling? Or should he yell at me and tell me to stop bitching at him while I was worried ALL NIGHT?

By the way, we live in different countries, and by talk, I mean online or on the phone.

Answer 1

I would be pissed, and not so much because he didn't "check in" but because you sat around all night and worried about him. I know he would NOT appreciate you doing something like that. It's just common freakin' courtesy to your spouse...but I've done it...I've gone out and was having a good time and lost track of time and didn't call home. I felt so bad for hurting my husband, that I always call now. Hopefully he will see his error, apologize to you, and it won't happen again.

Answer 2

The two of you are in an unusual arrangement. To make a marriage work you need to be able to predictably know what to expect. If he can't communicate in the manner that he said he would, then it is the same as coming home late to you. And not caring.

I am not a paranoid sort. I don't believe that he is doing something intrinsically wrong. But he does owe you accountability.

Try telling him that maintain a marriage you need trust. Trust is built every day. His word is everything. If you can't trust him the marriage will be damaged and eventually ruined.

Ask him to make rules that he can live by. That way you can hold him accountable to his own rules. Telling you that you are bitching is completely unacceptable. And it will ruin the marriage if it become regular. Men don't apologize easily.

So compromise. Say that you want to prevent problems in a situation that can cause problems. Remind him that with the distance between you that you worry about many things at times if he does not do what he says. If he thinks that calling you is too much...why exactly did you marry? Marriage is about security and accountability. It is not about being a familiar doormat for the other person.

Don't be angry. Don't let him be. Just be firm and set new rules. Let him make them too...so that he doesn't think that you are bossy. It is only thoughtful to communicate. And one day, he is going to want you to do the same. Remind him that you have a relationship that is built on being good and fair to the other.

Answer 3

I am sorry to say but if I were you I would think one thing: he is cheating. There is no other way I would feel about an unexplained going out thing till 2:30 am. I am sure he didn't come home from hanging out with co-workers that have families at 1200am and then called you few hours later.....right I would of been asleep or I daymn sure wouldn't wait to call you few hours later knowing that you would trip out, feel me? I mean of course maybe nothing happened. Its that unreasonable doubt that just mess people up. Because we as females, jealous creatures, can be very suspicious. Once he get home, check his draws.

Answer 4

sounds like his considerate button was off. I would not make a big issue out of it but if it is a pattern, I would have a BRIEF conversation with him about it.

Unfortunately, some guys just don't get it. My husband was like this for a long time. Eventually he understood how much I worried when he would be gone for a long period of time without calling but it took him a LONG time to get this. Now I can't get him out of the house =)

Good luck.

Answer 5

Well I was going to say that yes you did have the right to be mad at him for going out and not letting you know. But beings you live in two different places my guess is that he had someone over and just didn't want to answer the phone. since you do live different places you have no right to say what he can and cant do, cause who's to say that you are not doing the same.

Answer 6

If you have complete trust in your husband, then I think you should let this slide. I don't think he has to be accountable for every move he makes. You don't eather. It would have however been nice if he had called. Let him know how it made you feel with out making him defensive. I am sure he cares enough to be more considerate the next time.

Answer 7

He should have called and told you. I think it's only right, that way you wouldn't have been worrying about him. So yes he should have at least called to let you know.

Answer 8

You know what you are being a doormat for him and he knows you will put up with his crap no matter what . You need to stand up and let him know that you are no longer going to put up[ with his noise and garbabe and that you will be talking to a lawyer if this keeps up. Take a stand girl you need to live a life worth living .

Answer 9

Why are you living in different countries??To answer your question yes he should have called you to let you know he was alright it is inconsiderate to make someone worry.But I think you have other issues to worry about if you are living in different countries.

Answer 10

You should tell him how worried you get when you are out of touch like that, if he doesn't care enough about you to keep you informed well then maybe you should find a man who does.