why does it seem when things go wrong they really go wrong?

Question

why is it that once your in debt its so hard to get out of it i mean my wife and i arent even living comfortable anymore and yet she complains about not having money but yet almost every day she goes out and buys useless things that we really dont need we just bought a house and all she wants to do is decorate when we have bills out the gazoo she would rather buy candles and holiday decorations what should i do

Answer 1

Does she work, if not, she'd better. Sit her down and show her in writing where the money has to go before you guys spend any. Again, if she doesn't work, she needs to. If she's home with the kids, maybe she can babysit another working mom's kids for income. The key word for managing the money is BUDGET and stick to it. Life will go by, the kids will grow and the money will get better, but for now BUDGET AND SAVE. Good luck and bless you.

Answer 2

Ido feel for you both. But you do need help.
A. Your wife is in denial. She thinks if she pretends everything is ok and acts that way it is and will be. She's in panic mode and using the house decorating as her outlet.
You see the ship sinking and probably get onto her alot about her spending which causes her to do it more to feel better. This only leads to anxiety and resentment., on both sides.
You do need a plan of action yesterday.
A. see a debt counsellor in your area. They can help sort out your finances and lias with your debt collectors. They can be found in your local church.
and in your community aid pages Salvation army, and other such organizations have them I don't think they charge but it would be minimal.
B. They will also tell you to close or minimize your cards.
C. Make a list of all your expences
everything right down to dog food , take aways , Groceries, medication, gas, car upkeep, haircuts.so on, absolutely everything.
Then put down your income from all sources.
make it clear and consise.. Take this with you when you see the councellor..
If your Wife doesn't work . Well yes it's time for her to contribute ,even if she's pregnant she can for a short while or part time after.
You will probably have to downsize on your home too rent. but that may not be viable.I'm not sure how you got the loan for it in the 1st. place unless this caused your money problems.
It probably wouldn't hurt you both go to couples councelling at the same place, ie church or Salvation Army..This will help you see where you are both coming from ,where your life baggage is and help you deal with life, money ,relationships, better, from then onwards and it should draw you together, not split you apart ,as things are now..
Good luck to you both it won't be easy, by any means ,some sacrificing for a while ,depending on your debt. But Material things aren't the answer nor the be all end all .You 2 are and your relationship and your family when they happen.

Answer 3

She is excited about her new home, and its a womens instinct to nest. You will have to sit down together and discuss your money issues. Work out a budget that is comfortable to both of you. All that stuff she is putting in the house, will be useless if you lose the house. She needs to be refocused on whats important. pay bills first, then if there is anything left over, you can decide if you really need anything or if the money would work better for you applied to a high interest cc. Those cards could mean doom if they get out of control. Its hard to go without lifes little pleassures, but you have to set priorities. Money problems are not solved with more money, her spending is a symptom of something else going on. Stress mabe. Get to the bottom of it fast. Good Luck

Answer 4

Your wife really needs to understand that she simply cannot go out all the time and spend money like it grows on trees. My sister in law does this. She and my brother just bought a new house last year (and she had to have a brand new one that they can barely afford/takes 2 full time jobs to pay for etc). They just got married last year, and they have a baby, and if she sees a $300 Louis Vuitton wallet or an expensive purse, she buys it without thinking. You need sit your wife down and talk to her without biting her head off, but gently explain the road she is leading you both down.

Answer 5

Ryan, the fact that you are talking to strangers about your financial problems, is in itself a real problem. When couples are younger, they tend to try and keep up with the "jones", many times causing them to over extend credit, and lose everything.
The first thing you need to do is set your wife down and talk to her about her needless spending, it could be a problem with her own insecurities, or something from childhood that makes her want to "spend".
The thing you need to do together is get all your bills together, ALL, not just the major ones, all event internet bills, cable tv, etc.
List your bills by Fixed and non-fixed. Fixed expenses are the expensed that you will have month to month that are the same. Example; Mortage payment, car payment, insurance, long term bills, that could include loans for school, etc.They are the same amount each month.

Your non-fixed bills are: credit cards, small loans, gas, food, entertainment, clothing expenses, day care, misc. expenses. These are amounts you spend each month that tend to vary from month to month.

Tell her no more buying for the house for say 6 month period. Then in that 6 month period, apply extra money to a non=fixed bill that can be paid off faster and Eliminated. Then reward her with a little shopping trip and she can spend 50-100 dollars.

Then do another no buying for a certain amount of time, and pay off another little non-fixed bill.
Make grocery list, stick to them, make menus for the week and you can get help off of one of the food web sites that have excellent food ideas, grocery list, etc. If you have a list, stick to it.
Do not go to the store hungry, or bored, go get what you must have and leave.
Buy your cleaning-grooming supplies at walmart or the dollar stores, again have your list, buy and get out. Do not let the kids go with you shopping, that is a real deal buster.
Have all your bills listed on the calendar when they are due, twice a month set down with your wife and pay bills, keep good files, as you pay a bill and mark it paid and file it, she should start to feel good about your financial maturing. If she likes to decorate for the holidays, etc, wait until after the holiday and buy stuff for 50-75% off, it is ridiculous to pay full price for that stuff, also, people sale stuff that is almost brand new at garage sales, get her to go to those more often, go with her! You can get some wonderful home decorating stuff at them!
Let her have a garage sale and get rid of stuff she does not want or need anymore, this will free up a little cash. Each of you need your own "pocket money" that you do not have to account to eachother for. This would depend on your income. There is nothing worse than a wife having to go to her husband and ask if she can go get her hair cut, or buy some make-up. You just have to limit how much. Same for a man.
My husband was spending a fortune on eating with the guys everyday at lunch. I told him, your beer, hunting, fishing and lunch with the boys each month is costing you more than your truck payment! That really woke him up! He now takes his lunch more and has slacked down on buying fishing stuff he really did not need, simply because it was on sale!
After a while it will become a way of living. Treat yourselves once in a while, but do not put yourself in a bind to do it. Dont be afraid to tell your wife no more spending. The stress of this could cause you to have an early heart attack....if she thinks you dont have enough money, maybe she should get a job! Good luck

Answer 6

Oh yes debt..gotta love it!!...All woman loves to spend what they shouldnt but..just monitor the money pay off the debt little at a time and ask your wife if she really needs the things now or can it wait??..If she is that uncomfortable then she should monitor her spendings..or u could be like me and not care bout debt and just enjoy life and make sure ya bills are paid...lol

Answer 7

Put your foot down! Tell her she'll have to take these silly things back to the store, or pay for them by herself, NOT out of the household budget. If she won't take the things back, get the receipt from her, and YOU take them back.

Impress it on her that you aren't ever going to get out of debt if she doesn't help.

Answer 8

Sometimes shopping is a cure for insecurity. let it go and try to make more money>

Answer 9

Don't let the creditors intimidate you. There are no more debtors prisons.

Answer 10

help her to see you need help to pay the bills .....