In marriage, if one spouse does something wrong, does the other spouse have the right to emotionally hurt them

Question

My ex-husband and I are trying to negotiate custody of our 14 year old daughter. He is moving to another state and does not want to take her with him. She is sad and does not want to move and change high schools.

I tried to speak with him last night and he still thinks that the three of us should be together. I said I don't think that we should since we both have not changed and he still sends me nasty e-mails.

He says in his e-mails that I am selfish, dishonest, stubborn and should not be able to look at myself in the mirror after I have caused so much damage to the child. He also blames me for his Dad's death and I was not even in the same state with his Dad when he died.

My ex-husband claims that I did "something wrong" in his eyes and so deserve these nasty e-mails. I did promise to go back in Sept 06 and a few times before and changed my mind.

Do spouses routinely hurt one another if they do "something wrong"? It does not make sense to me.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, it happens more often than not. If I were you I'd ask him if you are so selfish, dishonest, stubborn and so on why in the world does he want to be with you? I think your daughter ought to stay with you. He seems to be a little unstable. If he blames you for his father's death and you weren't even in the same state!!! He can't be wrapped to tight. Be careful sweetie.

Answer 2

Unfortunately it is human nature to want to get even,but two wrong's do not make a right.You need to be the bigger person you catch more bees with honey then you do with vinager.Your EX is your Ex for a reason let him go.Move on with your life.Just because you & your ex are over does not mean that your daughter does not still have the right to have her father in her life.It is up to you to make sure that your daughter remains in contact with him through phone call's ect.Do not use your child as a pawn with your ex that will only hurt your daughter and your daughter will then have resentment toward you.You need to explain to your daughter that even though thing's between you & her father did not work out does not mean that either one of you loves her any less and that your marriage ending was not her fault in anyway.Please move on with your life and keep the lines of communications open for your daughetr and her father.When people try and get back together with their EX it makes no sense it like like saying well I tasted the milk the first time to see if it was spoiled let me taste it again.Why would you want to do that if it was spoiled the first time throw it away.Good luck to you.

Answer 3

This is very simple, change your email address, don't give it to your x spouse. You are giving him an avenue in which to verbally attack you. If you are negotitating custody, handle it through the mediatiors in court, that way he will have to remain professional at all times. If he does find out your new email address don't open any mail from him, don't respond to any mail from him, if he calls and starts in on you, tell him you will not tolerate any further harrassment, and then don't. He will get bored and stop. At this point you are allowing this behavior, don't let yourself be the victim. If he continues too much longer, copy all the emails including the one you put him on notice with and share them with the local authorities.
L.

Answer 4

It's better for your daughter if you both accept the situation. It's not good to emotionally hurt one another. A good website to help is listed below.

Is it possible for your daughter to continue going to her school, even though she will be moving? I'd try to keep things the same for her, as much as possible. Having divorced parents, losing a home and school, are a lot for a child. She's losing her whole support group at once.

Answer 5

Is your better half a mail order bride? If not, then you rather would desire to have dated her for awhile and fell in love earlier to procure married. once you have been jointly for awhile, you improve those types that reasons a marriage to alter into complacent further and extra daily you relive those types. types make our lives ordinary as we are able to purely bypass via existence asleep on the wheel and nonetheless get the place you will desire to bypass interior the day. Youchronic a similar direction to paintings, you maintain on with a similar habitual once you upward thrust up interior the morning. that's merely ordinary. even once you consult with a minimum of one yet another, you adjust into programmed to understanding the signs and indications that make it easier to be responsive to earlier she completes the sentence no remember if she is approximately to *****, or needs some interest. ingesting hamburgers daily can get uninteresting. If daily your better half gets up and makes breakfast, that's a habitual that provide you a similar destructive ho hum effects. even although, if to procure up and made the family members breakfast, you have replaced the habitual and set off a various reaction. exchange your strikes to alter her reaction, and you start to introduce new types into your existence. one element including that's not likely to make it paintings, even although that's the failings so uncomplicated including this that selection the way you're with one yet another and upload some spark on your marriage. The stressful section isn't making exchange, that's making your new types stick yet once you the two prefer to, that's conceivable to teach it around. Marriage counseling can help with that. even although, in case you do not prefer to do the paintings, then not something is going to alter the way you experience.

Answer 6

This doesn't make much sense either, truthfully, hon... You can divorce with "no fault". listing "irreconcilable differences. Use a mediating attorney that you both use. (look in the yellow pages under Attorney- divorce - mediating)

Agree on who gets what before your appointment. He just fills out your wishes, and files for you. You both sign, done deal. If you and he become adversarial, (where you each hire an attorney, and start slinging mud), you both loose --- about $6000 each!!!!(why do you think divorce attorneys are so wealthy? The more they soak out of silly people like you, the more buckos they make.... What ARE you thinking???? You two will end up with nothing!!!!!!!) So, "shut the hell up" get over the cat fight crap, forget the hate e-mails, grow up, and get a divorce as any civilized couple does. Ask your daughter to choose with whom she wishes to live, agree to joint or partial custody, agree civilly on term of time with you each, division of property, etc, rather than spitting and accusing each other of trivia, and get on with your lives. Playing ping pong --"he said, she said"," I have my feelings hurt, you're an A($)($)", yadayadayada ----in a dying or dead marriage is waste of his time, and yours...and expensive. Since your marriage is over if what you have said up here is even anything close to the truth...... {the respect, admiration and trust down the toilet-hon, your marriage is over.} accept it. What ARE you thinking?????

You are both babies, each trying to hurt the other. Grow up.....divorce civilly, and get on with your lives eachwithout the other. You'll both be happier, (unless you both adore pain).

Answer 7

Well yes, and it depends on the person, but for some men this is the way they show their hurt, by hurting back, and it can be cold and very low what a man is capable of when he feels threatened!

My Hus. is that way, when something goes wrong, he won't take responsibility for it.............. it's ALWAYS someone else's fault!

I think it's a FLAW!

Answer 8

Stop listening to anything he says, he's messed up in the head. The best thing for him to do is move away and the sooner the better.

Answer 9

if he wants you back,after what he feels you have done wrong,and if you still have some feelings for him, then i do not see the reason why you won't go back to him for your daughter's sake.maybe that is the reason why he is hurting you with his mails.he needs you back.

Answer 10

lets be honest,, are you sometimes selfish or stubborn or dishonest,, did you lie at all or strtch the truth in your custody battle,, if you did a little then of course you are and will forever be the *****, he should live next door for the kids sake not yours,, if you lied at all to get the kids then of course you suck