Hi i am 18 yrs old and have always been close to my one of my female cousins is also my age only 19 so a few months older.She got married her senior year of highschool and got pregnant 3 months into her marriage.She asked me what i thought about her getting married before her wedding i told her i though it as a mistake and she got very angry.To be honest it was her first bf and they had only dated a year!We made up after the argument but now whenever we talk she complains about the baby, being married, and having to rent out a trailer.She gets angry when i talk about how well my first year of college is going and what i am doing i booked my first small modeling job etc.I tried to tone it down but then she pressures me for more info?Also i flew down to florida to visit her and she got angry with me for a compliment her hubby gave me?I feel like i am loosing my best friend what can i do?
2007-01-13 02:17:56 · 15 answers · asked by Erica W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am trying to be supportive of her but i am worried she is a very vunerable spot only a highschool education, she has a new born, and she is entierly dependent on her husband who is also the same age to work and go to school.
2007-01-13 02:21:16 · update #1
stay out of it. If you say anyhting at all about it, no matter how it goes, a grudge will be carried against you.
2007-01-13 02:20:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not your place to disapprove of her marriage and it sounds like she knows she made a mistake. I'm not saying she made a mistake I am saying that many get married at a young age and they seen this perfect life. The kids, the house and the perfect husband. Then real life kicks in and it's not that simple. I married at age 16 and now have 2 kids at age 23. I am one who is happy with my life but there were times where I wished I had waited and thought it would have been easier. But your friend complians of her kid and her life. The best thing for you to do is to be her FRIEND and listen. Let her complian don't tell her she is wrong or she got married to early. Thats what friends is for. Now for her husband complimenting you well that was out of line and you are in a hard spot. Hopefully you ignored him and didn't thank him. If she doesn't bring it up neither should you. And maybe stay away from him. Just meet her for lunch or pull him aside and let him know that that is not the way you want to be treated and that you appreciate that he doesn't do it agian. Good luck. Also keep in mind that if it is true that she regrets her life then she is probaly a little jealous of you and even though you should be able to confide in her about your happieness and accomplishment maybe right now isn't the time. Maybe it never will be and you should find some one who can tolerate listening to how happy you are.
2007-01-13 10:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by CHRISTY R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like Life has really given her a reality check. While her situation is not what she probably invisioned for herself, she still is very lucky to have a child and a husband, and a roof over her head, even if it is a trailer. Can they rise above that? Yes, with hard work they certainly can. As far as YOU go, you and her are friends/cousins.....The best thing you can do is be supportive of her, let her know that you are there for her, and that you have her best interest at heart. Do not talk about the past. Only focus on the future. You never know what Life is going to deal you. One day, you may be in a vunerable position, and need her. So, be kind, be yourself, don't brag too much, and treat her the way you would want to be treated by a "good friend".
2007-01-13 12:03:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a thing you can do. The two of you chose different paths and you can't help it if she isn't happy in hers.
Sometimes friends drift apart over just these kinds of issues. Being family may help. The best you can do is stay in contact with her. Let her know that you love and care for her no matter the decisions she has made.
Do be careful around her husband. Any attention he pays you will be seen as a threat to her. So just be careful.
Other than that, just don't push. She loves you, I'm sure. Sounds like envy. You can only do what you can do and you shouldn't have to hide your happiness or you life just to make her feel better. So love her and if it isn't enough take a break and come back to her in the spring. As she matures I'm sure your relationship will also. Good luck to you.
2007-01-13 10:29:34 · answer #4 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have done everything right so far. A true friend will tell their concerns if they think their friend is making a big mistake, but then when the friend insists on doing it anyhow they support them and are there for them if it falls apart. Of course your friend is jealous of your life, and I am sure she wishes she could have done things differently in her past. You just need to be there for her right now. Help her, make her feel good about herself. Tell her what a wonderful Mom. Offer to take care of the baby one day and let her go to the spa or something, she is probably feeling really stressed out. Let her know u are there for her when she needs u. She has to make the best out of her life now and u can help her with that by pointing out the positive. And also let her know that when the baby is old enough she can go to college and do all those things she wants to do with her life, that it is still possible and u are there to help her attain it all.
2007-01-13 10:33:47 · answer #5 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do. Are you suppose to stop living your life because of someone else's jealousy (cousin/friend...who ever)? She made her decision and you made yours. It probably will come down to you losing the relationship you have with her. In my eyes you have two choices. Put some distance between the two of you and focus totally on your career (as to rid yourself of any negative influences), or talk to her and explain that it is never too late to start over. All the things that you have accomplished and are doing is still in her reach. She can have it and so much more. Tell her to make up in her mind what she wants and do just that. All the time and energy that she is spending being jealous of you could be her motivation to do better.
2007-01-13 10:28:28 · answer #6 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her marriage is none of your business. You won't be thanked for sticking your nose into it. She sounds very unhappy and the marriage probably won't last. She's so jealous of you she can't see straight. As for losing your best friend, you can try complimenting her on her baby. Make nice about her life. I don't know if it will work because she obviously hates the way things turned out for her. Good luck sweetie.
2007-01-13 10:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to be there for her, when she ask a question answer it but do not give her any advise on what to do. She made her decision and has to live with that . Any changes to her life should come from her own thinking.
2007-01-13 10:28:33 · answer #8 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to support her when you see her. I'm sure having a small baby has added a lot of stress in her life. Listen to her and encourage her.
2007-01-13 10:28:36 · answer #9 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys are still best friends but leading different lives, the same thing happened to me and I bet to others in similar situations. Although, I think, she should have been mad at her groom instead of you.
If you too were meant to be friends, you will be.
2007-01-13 10:23:15 · answer #10 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just stay a friend to her.
She is going to need you by the sound of it.
It may become worse before it gets better
2007-01-16 23:51:24 · answer #11 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋