I am dating a married man with 3 children. We also work together. We both want to be together and the sex is "out of this world". He says I need to decide if I can deal with the "drama" that comes with him leaving his wife and if I decide I am willing to work through that, all I need to do is tell him to leave his wife and be with me and he will in a heartbeat. I know this is wrong and I have never been with a married man before but I have feelings for him that have overrided my morals and lead me to want to be with him. What do I do?
2007-01-13 01:55:36 · 40 answers · asked by DM 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately he is not going to leave his wife. The Drama he talks about is all in his mind as an excuse, don't let him make it into your reason for not being together.
I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy your time with him, but just don't expect anything beyond what you have now.
2007-01-13 02:00:49 · answer #1 · answered by Boston Bluefish 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
No man will ever leave his home for a fling. He has children by this woman. If things were so bad at home and he was willing to leave then why is he still there? If he is in love with you then why does he need you to answer some silly question before he decides to leave home? Why would you want to be with a man that would walk out on his kids and wife for you? I could understand if they were having problems that did not concern infidelity. But just to leave because he met another woman doesn't seem like much of a man to me. And even if he did leave her, trust me when I say, it won't be long before they are back together because she has "his family" (kids). Wake up and stop being blinded good sex.
2007-01-13 02:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear DM,
I know that you feel your need is great (sexually) but the need for him to be with his children is greater. Do you want to screw up there lives forever just for your gratification? I'm sorry you got involved with a married man you should have listened to your instincts and morals. The decision of him leaving his wife should not be yours! In fact you should back off (for the sake of the children) and tell him it's over, I don't care how good your sex life is. He's no good for you and will only cause you grief down the road. If he's screwing you and he's married he'll do it with someone else also (that is a reality), he doesn't have any morals and he needs to think of his three children at least until they are eighteen. Can you wait that long? I don't think so; They're plenty of interesting men who will rock your boat out there, you just found a man with experience who woos the ladies and then has sex with them. I'm sure you're never discussed when he goes home to his wife so if you don't want to be hurt stop your need for him. I don't care (he is using you and will continue to do so) what you think it can be it isn't what you think. Best of luck and I hope you are listening.
2007-01-13 02:24:19 · answer #3 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is BREAK this OFF with your Married Friend until he's FREE!
I know it isn't what you want to hear, BUT you really need to think about this situation!
You didn't say if his Wife knows about you!! ??
See, you aren't being fair to his Wife and children and you should have respect for his marriage no matter the facts, IF he's unhappy with her or whatever the problem is. It can get MESSY if you keep dating each other.
Sure, you CAN ask him to leave his Wife, but you should give him the ol' "Ultimatum" along with that and have no contact with him until he's severed those ties! This way you will see where you stand with this man! If he really is serious about leaving his Wife, AND truly loves you, he won"t hesitate to break up with this lady.
The other part is, he needs to consider his kids, upper most! He has ALOT on his plate!
It's worse that the both of you work together but you can transfer to another location, as I see this is the only way to see this problem through, if you and this man ARE that serious about each other!
Take it from me, what he IS telling you that puts the "weight" on your shoulders when he said for you to give him the "go ahead" and he'd leave his Wife in a "heartbeat", MY DEAR, IT IS NOT THAT EASY!
Please think about all this! Men can say alot of things so try not to take what he says to heart! Obviously this man has invensted alot in his marriage and 3 kids! You need to back off for awhile and tell him it HAS to be this way!
I'm afraid that you both will be very sorry if you don't stop this affair now!
2007-01-13 02:15:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, besides the obvious cries of 'tramp' and 'whore' which you should have known you would get (yes, we all love a cheater and even more, his woman), what do you need to hear? That it's ok for you to break up a family?
Look, the thing I find the most weird here is that he is willing to let you make the call. Like he's just waiting around for you to give him the word. How easy do you think it would be, once YOU have him, for some other woman to do the same? He won't be yours for long, honey.
The truth, if not you, then someone else, but let it be. Keep some self respect. Send him home to the wife and kiddies. If he actually does leave it will always be between you and sex is not enough for a life time. Reality will set in and quickly.
It's better to be healthy by yourself than to be sick with someone else and baby, you go with him and you are in for a whole lot of sick. I promise.
2007-01-13 02:14:19 · answer #5 · answered by outdone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this is what you both want then it is better than having an affair with him. You already did the wrong thing by dating a married man, but that is beside the point now. If he does leave her and you two get together are you going to wonder if he is doing this to you? And are you prepared to have the share time with the kids? And last but not least do not ever let those kids know that you are the reason that their parents split up because they are already going to have a grudg against you as it is. If you chose to tell him yes then tell him he needs to stay somewhere else for a little while so that YOU are not he REASON that he leaves his family.
2007-01-13 02:04:20 · answer #6 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are committing adultry. That is morally wrong, and you already know that. So where along the road of your life, did you decide to throw everything you learned about being a person of integrity and value out the window?..... I won't even mention anything about the scumbag's morals......There are three children involved here. What are you going to be teaching them? They will find out. Shame on you.
There is only one way to correct this wrong, and hope you can get over the guilt you will no doubt feel one day, "if you had any morals to begin with that is"...........Move on, put your selfish feelings of "LUST" behind you. You already "know you are wrong". I don't know if you are at all religious, however, there is a higher power of forgiveness involved here. You need to decide what to do with "your" life as a morally responsible individual. I feel so very sorry for the children, and his wife as well. What the hell were you two thinking?
2007-01-13 02:23:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop and think, you said your feelings are overriding your morals.
Feelings fade, your morals stay. The guilt you will feel over this later on down the road will eat you up. Also, you will be insecure about your relationship, later on, because you know how you got him, and you will be afraid that he will do it to you. Sex is good, because it's not supposed to be happening, once it's ok for you two to be having sex, that will go down as well. I think a man who can just up and leave his wife and three kids for a co worker, that he has great sex with, is no man at all. Is this the type of person you want to be with for the rest of your life? And oh yes, it's not going to be just girlfriend/boyfriend. He will want you to marry him, because he gave up his wife for you. He has three kids, are you going to help him raise them, if something happens to his wife? He will also have to pay child support, and for three kids, that is a lot. Think, use your brain, trust your morals.
2007-01-13 02:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do a reality check. Like, right now, you haven't got his three kids and he is the focus of your life, he likes that. Those kids, suck up attention and his wife is probably running herself ragged looking after them and he hasn't gotten all the stroking he needs from her. Fast forward ten years, and honey, hes telling some other young woman exactly the same things he is telling you now. I know, the sex is great, who do you think taught him what a woman wants and needs? Where is his loyalty? How are you going to feel being fourth down on his list, or will you take the place of his kids, and I surely hope he is rich, alimony and child support for three kids will mean you may not be able to have kids of your own, or not as many as you want. There are more than moral reasons for not messing with married men, and one of them is that you are their fantasy lady with time and space to be just what they want you to be, but once the realities of life take over and he leaves wife and kiddies, he misses them and blames you for his leaving, unless of course he just wants out and is using you for an excuse. Don't tell him to leave, if he wants to it must be his decision.
As for you? Think long and hard if this is what kind of man you want for the rest of your life, or at least until he cheats on you.
2007-01-13 02:10:00 · answer #9 · answered by justa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
even if he does leave his wife, don't u think in a few years he will be doing the same thing to u as he is now doing to his wife. if u know it is wrong, and it will hurt people, why are u compromising your morals for this, what u are feeling is infatuation and lust, makes u really believe it is love, always does. if u were smart and i think u are, u need to end it with him, always a chance after the infatuation and newness wears off with u that he will just decide he would rather be with his wife. what u have here is a man with bad morals, and low character, who is leading u down the same path. might be u in the end, who is going through all the drama and upset, after he is done playing his silly games. he has 3 children, don't u think in the end that it isn't going to be cheaper for him to stay with her, after he finds out how much child support and alimony is involved with dumping his wife.
2007-01-13 02:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Out of this world sex" is not the foundation for a mature and lasting relationship. If he's cheating on his wife and leaves her for you, you can bet that eventually he will end up cheating on you. (it's a pattern statistically speaking). What I find so sad is that not one thought has been about the kids. No one asked if the kids could handle the "drama" of Daddy wanting to leave them for a good lay. Honestly I just don't get it, you say your "feelings" have dictated your actions. Be stronger, listen to what you know is right. Are you going to use your feelings as an excuse to override your morals and make poor decisions for the rest of your life?
2007-01-13 02:02:55 · answer #11 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋