I'm having some issues with my husband...?

Question

Insecurity mostly, I admit.
Rough relationship with wonderful times in between and a lot of love. He cheated once at the beginning and during a break up I had a relationship with someone else... It's all forgiven now, but Insecurity and memories come out in moments like this one:
Were separated for about 10 days right before the Holidays and got back together and everything was working out well. Then, I screwed up, and looked as his myspace account and found e-mail sthat he had sent this 2 girls with his cellphone, asking them on dates that night and telling them that he had just gotten out of a relationship and just looking to hook up. Beautiful girls btw. They seemed to fall for it because they called. YES, I looked at his phone bill, I KNOW.
So I confronted him about it and he said they didn't meet and that it was just to help his confidence and make friends... (through passion.com, of course)...

Other than pointing out my obvious insecurity/trust issues, what do you think?

Answer 1

It's simple to cheat almost blindly and without thought thanks to cell phones, websites and chat rooms but that makes it all the more important to cheat proof your marriage.

I think you guys CAN make it. Whether you do or not is, of course, up to the two of you. I think you will need some outside assistance. Counseling of some sort. However counseling has a very low success rate. I've listed a site that worked for a friend. Try it.

As far as your insecurities, I do think you need your own counseling for that. Go alone. This part isn't his fault nor his issue. It's something you came to the marriage with. He may even want to go alone for some issues of his own,(like confidence) who knows.

The important thing is that you wind up two whole people, bringing healthy attitudes and commitment to the table. Only then can you even begin to think your marriage might work.

But I do wish you good luck. Marriage is a bear these days. I've made it 25 years tho so it can be done. Hope you get there too.

Answer 2

You're insecure because you have reason to be. Don't feel bad or to blame for that. I think you should be concerned with the fact that he cheated in the beginning (huge warning sign, you missed it), you broke up, then you guys seperated and now that you are back together you're still getting those same warning signs. Look at the trends, the repetition, and whats right in front of you. Now, in saying all of this, I'm not telling you to leave your husband. No one should ever tell you that. But if he can't be faithful to you by any means (because cheating is not just a sexual act) then maybe he needs time to decide what is important to him in life. Good Luck.

Answer 3

You aren't being insecure, you are being realistic, you have trust issues because you have both cheated, and passion.com is not a place to meet "friends" for a friendly game of checkers. If you want a chance for this marriage to work, you both need to see a councelor to learn how to work together, and you can get confidence from each other and not strangers. Ever hear of the word committment? That leaves no room for breakups as if you were kids in high school. If there are no kids, you really both need to evaluate your level of commitment, it doesn't sound very high and it may be that your time together is over.

Answer 4

You got serious problems. You need to leave this guy right now. I have never heard of a "happy" marriage that's had so many problems. You are completely delusional when you say that you had wonderful times and a lot of love. He seems like a perennial cheater. If you're ok with him sleeping around with other women, then you should stay. Really really consider the fact that maybe he is lying to your face when he tells you about the girls he's been with on myspace. His excuses are pathetic, and you were dumb and delusional enough to fall for it. Wake up, smell the coffee, and get a divorce. It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out.

Answer 5

First off you need to stop snooping in his private stuff unless he has given you permission. The only thing that is going to do is make him angry and push him away. Either you trust him or you don't. I understand how him wanting to hook up with these women would make you insecure but believe me....that's how men are. They think the best way to get over a woman or make themselves feel better is to get a different one right away. You have to be able to let go of the past and move on. If you can't do that then you need to walk away because it will never get any better.

Answer 6

I think that all sounds very messed up, and obviously you two are trying to do some sort of web advertising campaign, or something because the "relationship" obviously isn't that important to either of you, but of course attention from others is so be glad you get your responses, as I'm glad of my 2 points, and that's the only reason I'm writing this other than the fact that the way the question was started that I considered this might actually be something important as opposed to another childish game, but that's life. Peace.

Answer 7

With the past that the two of you have, that type of behavior should be OFF LIMITS. If he's out of town for 10 days and lonely, he should be emailing you, calling you and not some random women on the net. If you don't have any kids, maybe now is the time to consider moving on. If you do have kids, try marriage counseling. Good Luck.

Answer 8

MyLiz,
I think you are both jacked up! Neither one of you can make a commitment to one another. You both cheated and you don't trust one another; I'm sure that there is more to the story than just what you gave us but based on your interpretation of how everything went down, it will never work. It's just a matter of time before one of you do the obvious (cheat again). No help to give you! God helps those who help themselves.

Answer 9

He's a cheat and liar and your too insecure about it. Go your separate ways and find somebody you can trust. Life is short.
If u find the right person you won't feel insecure and believe me it is a good feeling. Sometimes I believe a gut feeling of jealously and insecurity is your subconscious telling you something you don't want to recognize overtly.

Answer 10

Do you know whats wrong with your marriage? You feel he doesnt love you and thus respond with negative reactions and he feels you dont respect him and hence he is turning to other women for consolation. I want to suggest you do nothing about his cell and dont pry either. Get the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs from Michigan. His book is amazing and tells you how to right the wrongs in your marriage. This works and changed everything around in my own life as well. For your own sake and his get this book. Search for it on the internet if you have to. You will not regret this. I wish you a long and wonderful future together. You are meant for each other not for other people.