Should I leave my wife and go to new york?

Question

I AM 22 MY WIFE IS 18-AND WE HAVE A 8 MONTH CHILD.BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED I CHEATED ON HER WITH A WOMAN.MONTHS LATER I TOLD HER AND SHE WENT OUT AND HAD SEX WITH MY FRIEND AND TOLD ME AFTER WE GOT MARRIED.I FORGAVE HER BECAUSE I FELT SHE WAS ONLY BEING VENGEFUL-BUT THREE MONTHS AFTER WE GOT MARRIED SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WITH TWO EMPLOYEE'S AT HER JOB.SHE CLAIMED EVER SINCE I CHEATED ON HER IT BROKE HER HEART-WHICH COULD BE TRUE.BUT, NOW I PUT THINGS BEHIND ME AND FORGAVE HER FOR THAT-BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE HER AND I WANT IT TO WORK.THE PROBLEM IS I DON'T TRUST HER-LITERALLY I DON'T TRUST HER, AND I AM NOT HAPPY WITH HER-MY ONLY DESIRE IS TO BE WITH MY CHILD-BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS, MY WIFE LIVES WITH HER MOTHER AND I LIVE WITH MINE-WE ONCE LIVED TOGETHER BUT SHE BLEW THAT!!!! WHAT DO I DO, WHEN I AM LIVING IN A STATE THAT I DON;T WANT TO BE IN, I AM IN A MARRIAGE THAT IS UNHEALTHY, AND IF I LEAVE THE STATE I AM GONNA FEEL GUILTY FOR LEAVING MY DAUGHTER BEHIND?THIS IS STRESSFUL & CONFUSIN

Answer 1

I was in a similar situation a long time ago. OMG so the same. But hell yeah leave that is a no brainer, it won't change. But the leaving the state thing. You will not see your kid. They so look to the mother as 'custodial influence' regardless of the situation and that would make you have visitation rights based on her direction. If you 'hang in there' a little while and accumilate 'evidence' of suspicious 'maternal' care before you leave you may have a better chance of getting custody and leaving with your daughter. As a woman I got screwed, I had a relation with an abusive man (the father of my kids), that was wealthy ,and I got smashed by the system and my now husband got smashed by the system because he was a poor guy at the time and his ex had a more respectible job. ( But he and I have been together 10 years and his ex has been married 3 times since and when my stepson is there he is a latchkey kid). You need to do all you can as in keep a diary and keep receipts because it will come a time it may go to court. And dude no matter how much you hurt your daughter should be the most important thing in your life. If you need to leave, fight to take her with you (smartly). And if you hurt, forget about it because in the long run if your daughter has a father who just 'bailed' and her mother who doesn't sound so impressive, she is doomed to a life of low self esteem which leads to a life of a lot other bad things. Drugs, early sex, drinking... that I know from me growing up. I kept looking for 'daddy' figures to take care of me when I was growing up but all in boys that it wasnt there job to take care of me. Now in my 30s working in restaurants I see these young girls and I can pick out every one that fathers had not been a force in their lives. It may be awful now for you but stop and forethink the future in your daughters eyes. Leave, but leave smart.

Answer 2

Your first priority is your daughter. She needs you in her life and without her you will have a loss. You are both very young and my suggestion is that you see a pastor of a bible based church. This situation is not frivolous. You already seem aware of that.
Please read Dr Laura Slesingers best selling paperback books, 'The Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives'. She also wrote one for women under virtually same title. Another book which really will benefit you both is also written by Dr.Laura called, 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands'.
I do not know if she has one yet out for husbands in caring for your wife. The books are inexpensive yet the advice is and will be some of the most straight forward and valuable information on marriage you will ever. receive from anyone.
Dr Laura has the second most listened to radio talk show in the United States.
Realize the decision you make will affect the rest of your life and your daughters. People years ago made their marriages work. People can still do this today. Be strong. Fight to make this work and you will forever know that you did just what needed to be done. Hopefully she will grasp onto her senses also. She probably feels as much pain inside of her also... there is no need for her to go it alone. Work at getting a proper living situation also. In addition- if the situation most unfortunately does not work out as you plan, it is wise to get a day planner at an office store to keep record of your efforts after your each day is done. This I hope does not add too much extra stress on you, but it would always prove on your behalf your most sincere effort to make your family and marriage work.

You say you love your wife... beleive me I know, your current feelings of distrust and scarred love can reverse and change. She is a very young bride. I feel you need to sit down with her after youv'e read these books- tell her you've read them... pull up your bootstraps and become a strong man and a compassionate husband... anger is no longer needed...give her the book to read...you 'can' get the trust back... have her as your wife when the time is right... set some rules together... leave the past behind and close that door of cheating (own up to the fact that you both have done it and her doing it one more time than you does not make her mistake a smidgen worse than yours) ... make it work, build your nest together, and raise your baby into a family that can conquer some of the great obstacles in life. You can do it.. so can she. It may not be the easiest go for a bit of time, but if you work together it can turn around and become a loving trusting relationship. Be faithful starting today. See a pastor, and pray. May God Bless the three of you.

Answer 3

Please don't run away from your responsibilities. It is important for you to be near enough to your child so that the baby will have an involved father.

While you & your wife were too young & immature to get married, you did.

Why don't you have a sit-down with your wife in a neutral place e.g. a restaurant & see if you two can begin again with a clean slate. Make arrangements to date on week-ends & keep it up always - its important. Talk about your problems other than affairs & see if you can't think of ways to resolve them. The affairs are probably a result of other problems not the cause. This may be difficult for the two of you to do but I think you would both feel better by making an honest effort to keep your marriage intact.

Perhaps you will need help. If so, seeing a counselor for a short time can work wonders. Either you can make a go of it or you will find that you two will be unable to resolve your problems. Either way, you will have done your best & if separation/divorce results you can both have a clear conscience & get on with your lives.

If you divorce make a supreme effort to be a part of your child's life. And be sure to contribute to your child's support. Good luck.

Answer 4

If you go to New York would you be happy without your daughter? NO you wouldn't so why go? You would miss her so much and be miserable. You have a responsibility to your daughter so grow up fast and start being that way. Your wife is doing what she wants to do. Don't let her use your affair for her deception. I don't think you will ever forgive her and trust her nor she you unless you are in church. Pray it is the answer. If you do decide to break up go on with your life and be a father to your child. She needs you don't worry about your needs at the moment. You and your wife both have been very irresponsible and selfish. God can take away all of your worries and give you peaceful life. Just believe and things will start to look brighter.

Answer 5

I so feel for you and your wife and more importantly your child, because i went through the same thing. Its the most trying period of your life. Firstly don't be hard on yourself. You must accept the fact, you both screwed up! You both made terrible mistakes, and will have to learn to deal with it, its not going to be easy but at least you are willing to work at it. Leaving your wife and child should be a last resort, not an only option. Don't leave......
Give your marriage all you've got, find ways to help you both to build bridges so you can get over it, for your marriage and your child's sake.
Leaving will only make you more miserable. Talk with your wife, tell each other how you feel, understanding does amazing things for couples who love each other.

Answer 6

What does she feel?? You do have a baby between you so my best advice is to see a marriage counselor. Give it 6 months. Talk again after 6 months of counseling and determine then if you still want to be married. Do not end this without trying everything possible to keep it together. You want to be able to tell your child 20 years from now that you did try everything you possibly could to keep the family together. You will feel guilty if you give up now without trying counseling. Good Luck to you!

Answer 7

i am not sure why did u get married in the first place? Basically everyone's cheating with anyone in this marriage.... I only care about ur 8 month old child. I am worried for ur child, i am sure ur child will be negatively impacted in every area..with bot of u as the parent....so maybe just really grow up think it through and work it for ur child..so ur child will become a better person... dont let ur child grow up to be like both of u...thanks

Answer 8

go to a lawyer and see if you can have an annulment on the marriage or simply divorce, seeing that you guys don't have a house and all that it's gonna be fast and easy, then discuss the child's custody issue. You will still have the right of visitation if your wife has your daughter.

Answer 9

You should leave your wife as you both were too young to marry in the first place. You should live close enough though to where you can still be a part of your daughter's life.

Answer 10

We don't need to be shouted at. Yes you should leave. Your wife is still lashing out at you, even though she supposedly already "got even" with you. Now you see the problems with cheating. Make a clean break and be faithful from the start if you get another relationship.