why does he want to come in my life now when im old now and i dont need him?

Question

At the moment i feel like i have been used and i dont need to support my father. i grow up living with my mother and her family only which i mean he wasnt there at all. when i was a baby he told everyone that i wasnt his child and all that so for 19 years of my life i grow up with no father only father figurs but thats about it. hes got kids to another women which is around 10 kids and she left him and now hes back with my mother i had to leave my studies for him and put it on hold for a year or so and i also had to change my plans for him because he was crying on the phone wanting to come to nz and now hes here and everything his family which i just met like last year thinks that i should be doing this and that for him and all that and put my studies on hold again which hurts me to the max. Because now im old and now i can do things with my life and he comes walking into my life thinking that i should bow down to him and do what ever he wants me to do and give up my dreams for him

Answer 1

Get the hell out of there and follow your dream. Life is too short. You owe this man nothing if he is as you describe.

Answer 2

You are 19, I don`t know NZ laws. Age here is over 18 for girls and boys On some things, 21 on others. I`m not even sure about them anymore. In my book a parent that decided to not exhibit any intererest in his own child at birth, then not supporting said child during the whole 19 yrs. Hasn`t any legal right to demand anything of said child. As for moral obligation on your part, there is none. As for hurting anyones feelings. I`m sorry but, you have every right to fullfill your dreams at this point. You should take care of yourself. You have been pretty much doing that already it seems, with the help of your mother. I`m not saying to not communicate with the man. I`m not saying don`t try to get to know him. Since your mum took him in, it is her responsibility to do this and that for him. You have delayed what you wanted for a year. It is time, while you are still young to do what you have to, for yourself. However, if you do, realize most of the expenses will probably be for you to cover. With him in the picture, mum will most likely side with him. I really can`t tell you what to do. This is a battle within, and you will do as you deem necessary to make it through this, as well as any other problems you come up against in life. Past is past, don`t hold it against him. Circumstances no one knows but him, and people of the past. He was probably as confused about things 20 years ago, as you may be right now. What is the right direction to go in? and which way do I turn? He made his choices. You have to make yours. I believe that you could be kind enough to discuss this with your mum and father. It seems there is a lot of distance and much resentment and mixed emotions. You need your space as well as this newly found (old) love needs to flourish with father and mum. Where was his family when you were small? Where were they when you needed? Since they hadn`t been there all this time. Why should you feel obligated to abide by their wishes? Even if you felt obligated, you have repaid that obligation by taking a set back in your studies for 1 year. For a stranger, Father or not. I really can`t tell you what to do. You already know what you are going to do regardless. Good Luck and follow your heart. God be with you.

Answer 3

Dear Student, do not delay return to your studies as soon as you can ,this crisis will pass .Whatever happens to you emotionally ,must not interfere with your aims because you need to survive.These new people in your family have been selfish with their expectations of you and want you to take the brunt of the problem ,support your mum ,but change your perspective on the outside influence.Would they have given up their aims and plans? would they have given up the chance of a career and a secure salary ?How does your mum feel about this?Dont make yourself insecure because of this situation.I think you have tried to resolve this problem you could ask him to have a dna test, perhaps you could have some kind of understanding with him but the onus is on him,he left and made no effort to be there for you and it seems to me he still is'nt, it is his responsibility to prove himself to you and your mum.Hes a grown man and should behave like one,it is not your problem that he is unhappy.LINDSAY.

Answer 4

u dont have to do the same what you have got..juss b urself n do what ever u would b doing without him..may b he will get what he deserve...but u dnt hav to b the one to giv him what he deserves..
its easy easy to punish..but to forgive..