Serious question: Mr. GorgeousFluffpot hoards everything, won't throw away magazines after he's read them, won't throw away broken electrical items as he may, one day, repair them. He has shoes which don't fit any more which he won't throw away - he says that, maybe, one day they'll fit again. There's a petrol tank, in our garage, from a motorcycle that he doesn't own any more but he's keeping "just in case". He doesn't like to get rid of anything in case it is useful one day.
So we are tripping over stuff here and as quick as I clear it up and throw it out, he creeps to the bin and brings it back in.
What advice can you give me to help Mr. GorgeousFluffpot to have a massive clear-out and get rid of his useless and broken rubbish?
Help me out please, my Yahoo Answers chums, and give me advice on what to do. Ten points and a fluffy kiss for the best answer!
2007-01-12 21:10:19 · 16 answers · asked by gorgeousfluffpot 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I suggest that you improve your standard of living by buying a new larger and nicer home.
Make him move everything.
(It worked for me. When I was tired from moving furniture, I asked myself every time I moved a box, "what in God's gracious name am I keeping this for?")
2007-01-12 21:18:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Look up Dr. Randy Frost, who is the US expert on hoarding. I think he has a book coming out.
He argues that hoarding is a problem of decision-making, and that it's located in the forebrain. He was doing some experiments with giving hoarders high doses of Prozac, but I don't know if it worked. He also did experiments with hoarders, and he found that what worked was to have an outsider come in, sit with the person, and go over each item and help the person decide to get rid of it. He would ask people, "How hard, on a scale of 1-10, would it be to donate/recycle/sell/get rid of this." They'd say 9 or 10. Then they'd get rid of it, and he'd say, "Now rate it" and they'd give it a 2 or 3, that it wasn't hard. Then he'd keep repeating that. It's extraordinarily difficult, though.
Maybe you can cut a deal with this guy that he only gets one room to do this in, perhaps the garage. You get the rest of the house. Or start small and get him to donate the shoes by showing him the charity where they have people who really do need shoes and clothing. Or give him one month to clear everything out or you will leave, but then you actually have to do it.
As Ann Landers or Dear Abby used to say, "Are you better off with him or without him?" Personally, Gorgeous doesn't make up for living in a trash heap.
2007-01-12 21:53:52 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems useless to you but, to him they all have use. He is not looking at circumstance with a reality aspect. He obviously has a problem with sacrifice and loss it's probably some issue with his past. Given he has a serious problem with hoarding and it's not just a few things.
It could also be guilt many people grow up with the "Do you know how much that costs?" person in their life.
He's not interpreting the things based on worth per say. He's looking at them as a loss. You have to make him feel comfortable with losing possessions.
It's like a child with a toy box full off things that they are too old for. They'd be pretty pissed if they found it all missing. You have to help him come to the realization that possessions come and go. Life is too precious for useless material.
He may even be transferring self worth into possessions. We make a painting and see ourselves in it. He probably sees himself in the possessions. We wear jewelry, clothes, symbols etc... in some cases for individuality and lack of.
We grow out of clothes, fashion changes, technology advances. The hoarder doesn't look at the world this way. Try explaining it like this if a hermit crab lived in one shell yet dragged around another he'd be far less efficient, slow, vulnerable, and dead. Live in moderation and take what you need.
If it bothers you tell him how it is effecting you(in a serious manor). Most people will hold a person in a higher regard than materialistic possessions.
2007-01-12 22:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by obscure 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a compulsive hoarder myself I know how hopeless your situation is. On those rare occasions that the hoarder does part with a treasure, soon afterwards a situation arises that they could have used that item. Thus the hoarding is reinforced in their mind even more. In my case I am aware my mind is cluttered also. The only thing that could get me to dump my clutter is a girlfriend, but I am not really interested so I will probably remain cluttered to the end.
2007-01-12 21:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never win! My Dad still has stuff he had during the war that is of no use to anyone and I doubt he even knows what it's for but wont part with any of it. When he move a few years ago you could have filled 3 skips with stuff he'd collected and would never find a use for. Unfortunately, my kids have inherited the same attachment to old rubbish! They have left home but I still have cupboards full of their stuff including teddies, birthday cards and clothes they had years ago! Just try to put the stuff out of sight in a cupboard or attic.
2007-01-13 04:27:38 · answer #5 · answered by garfish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work out why they are hoarding, resolve the core issue .Mine was having beem bought up by pov's as parents, I fely guilty about throwing things away.
Suss that out and youre onto a winner.
A few sessions with a councellor might be helpfull, ask your doctor for a refferal or reccomendation.
2007-01-12 21:31:29 · answer #6 · answered by mittobridges@btinternet.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him on holiday then he can't retrieve anything from the bin as he wont be there on bin collection day, take all large items to the tip in the next county as he won't think of that so wont be able to get his stuff back. I know how you feel cos I got a goreous fluffpot just the same, maybe they are related LOL.
2007-01-12 21:17:38 · answer #7 · answered by Denise W 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Take the junk to a recycling depot when hes out, stuff thats resaleable put on e-bay and enjoy a weekend break away with Mr gorgeous Fluffpot with the proceeds. fluffy kisses to you both
2007-01-12 21:30:56 · answer #8 · answered by Linda J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can not persuade a compulsive hoarder to get rid of his stuff. This problem needs to be treated by a professional when and if the hoarder is willing.
2007-01-12 21:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by starflower 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really won't be able to get him to have a massive clear-out, that's too much of a big jump from where he is.
So just learn to love him and his clutter.
Your best hope is to ask him to allow you to have zones of the house that are clutter free.
2007-01-12 21:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by dazzydazlin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to take a few things and put them away in storage or where they are inaccesible. Make a deal that if he doesn't reach for them in 6 months you can sell them on ebay and use the money to buy yourself hot lingerie that you will model for him ;-)
2007-01-12 21:18:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋