for almost 2 years i have came second to my wife. her best freind always came first and her other best freind ect. i have been lied to over and over. she has put me down in front of her freinds making me feel like a looser. no concern for my feelings. but as we talked about this issue she continued to do the same thing. no concern for our family or her husband to the point of our marriage being torn apart. i consider myself a man of stature and honesty to not only know my family comes first at all cost. i have no interest in other woman what so ever in a sexual manner nor fantasies about them. i have expressed to her with all my heart it will never happen and always let her know how much i love her and our kids but now her best freind who has had her back and almost ruined our marriage has stolen from her and now has taken money from her and still nothing has been done on her part to say sorry or try to make it better. why do i feel as i cant trust my wife? this has this been a concern
2007-01-12 19:50:19 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why have you allowed it ...If you really want it to stop....RUN
2007-01-12 19:53:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Birds of a feather flock together. Liars are thieves of the truth. The duration i.e. for almost 2 years; the frequency i.e. repeatedly lied to; put downs i.e. verbal abuse are unacceptable behavior and have already ruined your marriage. You feel as if you can't trust your wife because you can't.
The the same thing over and over, something has got to change, but it's got to be you since she's evidently not going to without being compelled to do so.
If you were single you would need to hire a divorce attorney immediately. However, since you have children you need to use that stature and give her an ultimatum, either she attends marriage counseling with you to repair your marriage, or you will seek a divorce and seek sole custody of the children-- which, more likely than not, you would be granted as she is exposing the children to unsavory characters.
Save the hearts and flowers for positive reinforcement if she complies, or for someone who will respect you and your feelings and reciprocate your stature, honesty, and love.
2007-01-12 20:12:54 · answer #2 · answered by Venus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't trust your wife because, for one thing, your gut instinct is telling you not to. If it's really true that her friend stole money from your wife, then your wife doesn't respect herself enough to keep that BS out of her life and so is not even being trustworthy to herself. She may be insecure and feel that she needs her friends so much that she is willing to overlook the reality. I do think a woman needs her friends, just as a man needs his friends. But it's uncool to put friends before the marriage. If it was my marriage, I'd issue the ultimatum of going to counseling with the intention of making a 100% mutual effort to get the relationship headed in the right direction or separation so you can both sort out your thoughts and decide if you really want to be together based on the facts as they are rather than the fantasy of "If only..."
2007-01-12 20:02:21 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Okay, there is no way you didn't know this before you got married, so you have a few choices:
1) Divorce and ruin your kids lives
2) Give her an ultimatum (end up divorced see #1)
3) Go to counseling with her and work out your issues.
4) Suck it up and accept that part of your wife's personality.
It is not the best friends fault it is your wifes' and yours for letting her do it but now it's too late for you to change the rules homie. Pick a number any number
2007-01-12 19:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by Loren H 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
mate, take the kids and run. There are plenty of women in the world that are dying for a husband that pays attention to them. It seems like you have too much love to give and no one to give it to.
Leave the selfish B*tch and find someone better.....she'll be stuck with her lying, stealing and cheating friends. Be a man and get out! She's killing you and who you are!
2007-01-12 19:55:27 · answer #5 · answered by Dave B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If i'm completely truthful i think of you taking your son away on holiday will annoy your spouse and aggrivate the situaton better. i think of you would be appropriate to attend until each thing is finalised and you have long gone your separate techniques earlier you initiate speaking approximately holidays with the little ones. in terms of the doorstep-son, in case you prefer to work out him then make it sparkling. you will possibly not unavoidably have paternal rights yet verify which you do make it primary which you relatively prefer to spend time with him nonetheless (in case you do) and guard your fatherly presence in his existence. yet once you do, then be sparkling approximately it and shop on with via on it. do not mess the baby around. the main significant element to concentration on between you and your spouse is that the little ones are nonetheless the middle of your universe and that may not in any respect exchange. merely considering you do in comparison to a minimum of one yet another anymore, does not recommend that your relaitonship with the little ones would desire to alter. merely be truthful with the youngsters, and don't cover stuff. yet in addition, please do not combat and argue in front of them. enable them to work out that that's civil and could not injury or upset them by any potential and the full element will bypass plenty smoother for each guy or woman. You and your spouse are adults, behave like that - continually.
2016-10-19 22:15:38 · answer #6 · answered by ranford 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must realize maturity is not just given it is earned and takes time. She is getting something out of the best friend thing she is not will to settle down. You must realize you can't change her you can only change your self. Your decision will make the relationship change. try giving her conversation, give her affirmation of her feeling and see the response you get you both need counseling.
2007-01-12 19:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by Roger W 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can relate to that. It may be that you end up in divorce. Best thing to do is a trial separation and maybe she'll realize she is not honoring your or the marriage....or to live with it until your soul cries out to live instead of die a slow death!! good luck.
2007-01-12 19:56:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
She did this and that because...YOU LET HER.
Sorry, but that is what it comes down to at the end. Take control.
If you want it to stop, you take action to stop it and not expect her to stop what she is doing or how she is behaving just by herself and out of compassion for you or anything else.
If it all fails...Bail.
2007-01-12 19:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by Mark n 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's awful as you should be her best friend and come 1st.... I am sorry :( I believe you answered yourself---- you can't trust your wife because of the way she is. I hope she wakes up and fix the marriage. n
2007-01-12 20:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You two really should go to marriage counseling. It sounds like you may have been an easy ride for her and she is taking advantage of you. I'd be mad. I hope it works out.
2007-01-12 19:54:24 · answer #11 · answered by Huguenot 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋