I am happily married since July 05. My husband is very good to me and my son (who is not biologically his) and I love him very much.
My problem is I think I have feelings for a man that I dated for a fews years 10 years ago. We talk on the phone and email but we have never seen each other since he received orders to another military base (he was in the Army then-and still is). I am thinking about seeing him again just so I can try to get him out of my mind. I have fought his for a really long time and I don't honestly know if my feelings are valid or if it is our memories that I love.
I have been open with my husband about this and he is scared (rightfully so) that if I see him that my feeling could be validated. I don't want that to happen but I am at the point where I need to find out. It could very well be nothing..what do you think I should do? I try to put my son first and see think about the impact on him but I keep wondering and ex feels the same-but he's not married.
2007-01-12 18:02:52 · 14 answers · asked by Christina 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The talk of a baby is what is bring this on -I Won't do it all over again.
Thanks for all the great advice. I know what the right decision - I just can't shake him or don't know how.
2007-01-12 18:25:26 · update #1
Do not attempt to see him and stop all contact with him. Give yourself closure and give yourself permission to tell him goodbye once and for all. You have a life without him now, keep it that way.
2007-01-12 19:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have already made a commitment to your husband now...You are just going through a few ,the grass is greener on the other side thing..The first mistake you are making is talking to this man from 10 years back,quit e-mailing him and quit talking to him..You are flirting with something here that excites you and you need to quit it...Focus on your husband and quit this wondering and thinking of memories,its just going to get you in trouble...You say you love your husband so forget this other man of 10 years ago...You have a good husband and the grass is not greener on the other side...You say you don,t want this to happen and yet you have the power to stop.....You need to get off the rose colored glasses and think about your son and your husband and stop this madness..If you will leave it alone and focus on your home your son and your husband and choose to love them and do what you know is right then all this junk will leave your head...I am telling you now you are headed for trouble.....No you should Not see him forget him and think about what your life is now,focus on that..Please don,t mess up your life for some imagined love...
2007-01-13 02:29:53 · answer #2 · answered by slickcut 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stop emailing him. Stop talking on the phone with him and do not meet with him. If you want to do any of these things, then divorce your husband and then do it. You can't "test the waters" to see if there is something better out there. It is not fair to your husband. I doubt there is anything there for you anyways. You have had three men in your life (you husband, the father of your child, and this man) yet you are still looking for heaven knows what. You have commitment issues and have no idea what love is. Sounds to me like you get off on being "desired"
As an added comment.. keep that IUD in place, this is no time to be trying to have a baby. (read your other question)
2007-01-13 02:16:55 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why make a mess of the life you have now. What about your husbands feeling for you don't they count? Put your son first. He is in the military wihich means he won't be around for long.
2007-01-13 02:12:08 · answer #4 · answered by MJ 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My ponion...it is no more a right thing to do to stay together as it is to get married if you are pregnant. If you have these feelings then your marriage is in trouble to start with...BUT...do not see him...If you want to give your marriage a fair chance you will cut off ties with this person and try to work things out..but if you know in your heart it is over then tell hubby and chase what makes you happy. Your son is the priority and you need to be careful of who you introduce him to but you cannot stay in a loveless marriage because of the children just don't flaunt your lovelife in front of them.
2007-01-13 02:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think in the context of a family gathering it would be ok. A date? No. You're obviously got cold feet. Whether this shows a weakness in your present relationship, or just unconstrained hormones, I don't know. But why risk it. Better to let go.
2007-01-13 02:26:46 · answer #6 · answered by Huguenot 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont see him if you you love the life you have now.
give me more than onc example where seeing someone you may have strong feelings for calmed them or made them go away? it doesnt happen...youll start thinking of all the things you and him could be if you werent married and thats not a good place to be in.....dont do it if you love your husband....you shouldnt have that urge anyway if you loved him enough
2007-01-13 02:08:16 · answer #7 · answered by nonyerbusiness 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No way!!! You're just asking for trouble if you do! You're just infatuated because it's something different and exciting. How could you even THINK of doing something like that? Imagine how it will hurt your husband and imagine how you would feel if it was him wanting to do that!
2007-01-13 02:23:52 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offense. . . but are you NUTS? Your fantasy life needs an overall. . . but to see this guy is murder for your marriage. It is WRONG!! You do not need to put your husband or son through this stress not to mention yourself. You do NOT want to give into temptation and temptation is what this guy is. This is a WRONG move, a WRONG idea, and the WRONG guy.
FORGET IT!!
2007-01-13 02:08:20 · answer #9 · answered by snddupree 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
if u thought u had feelings for this other guy u had no business getting married. if u love ur husband live in the now and forget ur past because thats what it is past.
2007-01-13 02:25:24 · answer #10 · answered by purple_dragonfly_70 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋