My best friend likes the same guy I like. and I told her I didn't like him anymore so that she could have him. Even though I'm crazy about him. So now I can't even look at him in any way, because it will be like I'm not over him to her. And she can't know that I still like him. And I'm basically screwed, because even if she gets over him, he's still off limits. And I can't tell her I never stopped liking him. And I can't go behind her back, or say that I like him again. It will be so wrong. But I like him so much, and now I have to go through so much torture with it. And I think he likes her too... please help. Maybe if its just suggestions on how to deal with the torture of it all. Thank you.
2007-01-12 18:00:32 · 6 answers · asked by softball002 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Dear needs major help?!?
It's so painful to have a friendship -- the best one you have -- where you can't be honest. Especially over a guy.
It's good that you are thinking of her feelings. It's good that you know it is not okay to sacrifice your own interest in this boy for your friendship.
But I'm not hearing that you are sure about what the boy thinks... do you know what he wants?
So many years ago -- maybe even before your mother was born -- I did what you are doing for your friend. I said I didn't like a boy at camp. I said that because my bunkmate -- somebody I really liked -- said she wanted him. But I was soooo attracted to him. As a group, we went everywhere we could to get to know these guys. I said I liked a different guy in that crowd, just to be nice.
That night, I got to the movie late (was still learning how to put on my makeup). There, in the back row, sat the guy I said my girlfriend could have. He was saving a seat for me. My sister ended up with the boy I said I wanted. None of the boys chose my bunkmate. (I found out years later that none of those boys would have chosen her under any circumstances).
I married that boy over thirty years ago. We have two grown children, a cat, a house that is almost paid for, and a lot of great memories.
I lost the friendship of the bunkmate over it.
This was not a long-time friendship -- we only met that day. But it could have been a real loss for me if it had been a more important friendship.
Why am I telling such an old lady story? Well, two things for you to think about...
First -- What do you know about what this boy wants? Has he chosen either one of you? If it is neither one, then you should both move on. If he chooses your friend, then you should find a way to wish your friend the best. If it is you, then you should make sure you still spend time with her and not lose her trust.
Second -- Is this girl a friend you want to keep for the rest of your life? If so, then talk to her. Tell her how you feel -- let her know that you are confused but still attracted to this boy -- and you care too much about her to let this boy come in the way of your friendship. Find out how she feels about it. You might be surprised.
To deal with the torture of it all, do something fun and active -- get some exercise. Nothing clears your head better than some strenuous exercise that you enjoy. Go skiing (if that is available to you) or biking or running or swimming or dancing. Do it with some friends.
And most of all, understand that this intense feeling -- while wonderful and dramatic -- will pass. What lasts is the way it will change you. Passion is intense and short. Love -- your love for your friend, your self esteem (self-love) is really all about loyalty and honesty. THAT is what you can tap into for the future -- whatever happens with this guy.
Now for a kicker. There was another guy in 8th grade. My best friend and I both liked him. I stepped aside and they went to one dance. It tore me up inside. I met him last week. We have bumped into eachother maybe three times since graduation 35 years ago... HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME OR MY BEST FRIEND. All that torture I went through and he was completely in the dark. Furthermore, he is dumpy, has all kinds of debt, and is moody and unhappy... who would've thought.
My husband (the guy from summer camp) runs marathons and all of my friends say he looks like Sean Connery.
This guy you like... Hard to predict what he's gonna be like in 30 years
2007-01-12 18:51:29 · answer #1 · answered by snickersmommie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you told a little white lie you did it for her sake so really you have three options. A) Move contry's so that you never see either of them again or B) Tell her the you are staring to like him a little bit now and as a friend she is dear to you but you really like this guy or C) if she really can't know then maybe you should vist the "boyfriend shop" basically get your school book or photo's and look though them leaveing out the guy you like and see what other talent you can find maybe there is a guy in your English class who is realyl hot but you have never seen him befor and this may help you get over ou crush if not just to distract you start flirting with guy of choice and you may find the guy of your dreams or a great distraction remember take some you time to stop and enjoy the boy candy!!!
2007-01-13 02:23:15 · answer #2 · answered by drama_nut4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes here are some suggestions. There must have been a good reason you actually told your friend you did not like him. I feel this person is wrong for you to begin with. Try to find someone else to like and go after them. I would still talk to my friend but not as much and not when she was around this same guy you both liked.
2007-01-13 02:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't deal with the torture just tell your friend and if she understands maybe she will do the same thing that you did for her? Don't compete with your friends for a guy because you might loose your friendship over something stuiped like that.
2007-01-13 02:58:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U should tell ur friend dat u lied. U should tell her dat u still like the guy. Y torture urself for others? Ask the guy whom he likes? If he likes u too. then there is no place for ur friend. And if he likes ur friend then there is no place for u. Understand. If he does not like u then just go ahead in life and get someone else. I am sure dat u will get some1 nice, more nice than this one.
2007-01-13 02:09:39 · answer #5 · answered by || SMI || 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
make sure u dont start anything dramatic with ur freind because losing a friend over a boyy is something u may regret afterwards
you can keep ur feelings to urself or just come straight out and telll her u lied and u like him and just say i hope ur not mad that i lied and that i like him but i dont want this to ruin our friend ship and if something happends to either of us i'll b happy and i hope u feel the same
2007-01-13 02:10:08 · answer #6 · answered by shaniqua s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋