I broke up with my ex to be with my now husband. I have recently felt a really bad feeling in my heart about my ex. I was worried about him so I emailed. I don't know if that was a good idea. I think he still has feelings for me and I don't know what to do. He was my first love. We are now living over 1000 miles apart and I don't really see the harm in talking to him. My husband knows and is fine with it but I feel like I am not being fair to my ex. Its nice talking to him. And there was a lot wrong, my feeling was dead on, but is it right? I don't feel bad about it really, more like I am giving him false hopes. I know he still loves me. So should I keep talking to him? I have made it clear that we are never going to be together, so is it his fault if he gets hurt again or mine since I started talking to him again? Is it wrong to feel like you need to have someone you have known for 10 years in your life even if you guys didn't end things on a good note and he still loves you?
2007-01-12 17:56:06 · 15 answers · asked by The T Cozy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Maybe I wasn't clear....I never got married to my ex, he was just a boyfriend that I have known since we were in 4th grade. We went our for a while in high school and then we broke it off when I met the guy who is now my husband.
2007-01-12 18:31:44 · update #1
error-out* not our
2007-01-12 18:32:15 · update #2
The feeling will be there, but only because you were once intimate with him.
Remember, you dumped him for a reason, didn't you?
Now, it's your choice!
1. Use that reason to hate his guts, making you happier in the process!
2.Keep talking and being friendly towards him and start developing feelings, ultimately leading to a horrid chain of events that will wreck your life and the lives of everyone around you. (go you!)
All jokes aside, it's most likely your hormones talking, keep remembering you broke up with him to be with the better guy.
I'd cut off contact again. Your ex needs to find someone new to chat with. Preferably someone that doesn't have anything to do with you!
2007-01-12 18:03:15 · answer #1 · answered by Joshua 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being unfair to your ex by talking to him. Since he's going through a hard time right now, he is especially needy and vulnerable, and if he still loves you, that just makes everything worse. By talking to him, you are setting up a hurting, vulnerable man to be hurt even more.
On top of all that, you have a husband and a new life, and your ex is not your responsibility. He is a big boy, and he can handle his own life. You are not his girlfriend or his mommy. Do him a favor and tell him you wish him the best, and then do yourself and your marriage a favor and forget about him and his problems.
2007-01-12 18:28:13 · answer #2 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong to be talking to your ex again if you understand why you want/need to talk to him again. If you are presently married and happy (?) and things ended badly with the ex why put yourself in a position to jeopardize what you presently have. All things happen for a reason, let the past live in the past and move on. It may be nice to talk to him, you've known each other for 10 years and he says he still loves you, etc., however whatever issues ended the relationship then, have not improved now nor will they ever be. Sounds like a quilt trip.
2007-01-12 18:16:36 · answer #3 · answered by Sonya 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is wrong. You are giving the poor guy false hopes of a relationship that you have said will never be.
No, it is your fault if he gets hurt again. You contacted him in the first place to gloat about how good your life is without him.
You had 10 years together quit being greedy and let the poor man live his life in peace.
2007-01-12 18:07:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not wrong to talk to him as long as your husband is o.k. with it. You will always have a special place in your heart for him because you were together for so long. Just don't cross that line or you will lose the man you are in love with, your husband!
2007-01-12 18:23:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a bond here, and divorce is not meant to be. Why did you get divorced? Was he unfaithful? If not, then there's no valid reason why you should have divorced him.
You haven't given ANY reasons here, except hint that this has to do with your own selfishness, and to give as a reason that you left him for someone else.
DUH...this is DISGRACEFUL on your part, unless there are circumstances you haven't told us!
Your wedding vows with your first husband went something like this:
"For better or for worse, in sickness and in heath, till death were you supposed to part."
2007-01-12 18:00:06 · answer #6 · answered by Joe C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As beautiful as you look you should be entitled to every man you want .... set limits at the least. Tell him you wanna stay a t a friends level and nothing beyond huggies. That way it stays like a close friendship but stays strictly away from getting affectionate.
2007-01-12 18:03:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it depends on what you said to him... did you lead him on? if you were worried about him, then emailing was the right thing. and if your husband is ok with you guys talking, then that is fine. however, dont let things get too far. if youve known the guy for 10 years then you owe him the kindness to at leadt talk to him. but dont say anything that might potetially lead him on.
2007-01-12 18:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by crazy_music123 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes.You may only be feeding your ego,although I'm sure you cared for him,it is wrong to keep the lines of commini. open.
If you know he still cares,you're making it worse.
You are going to end up hurting him again,unfortunately,but don't beat yourself up..just let him be.Only reply if HE contacts You,but keep it briefand non-detailed.Fade away,then let him live his OWN life without you.You did..Does'nt he deserve the same respect?
2007-01-12 18:05:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to be talking to him as long as you aren't giving him false hopes and as long as, honestly, deep down, you don't have those feelings for him anymore. That's if they ever go away.
2007-01-12 18:05:49 · answer #10 · answered by purringout 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋