Can a person really change?

Question

I know i need help with anger and stress issues. Im currently seeking help for these problems. I want to show my wife that people can change if they really want to and seek the proper guidance. Am i bull shitting myself? I really want to commit to this for my marriage, my kids and myself. What do you think?

Answer 1

Great Question!

Absolutely. I have (changed) tremendously. I won't go into the sordid details of my upbringing, the aftermath, my anger, resentments, or self-sabotage, but I realized it was harming me and those around me.

I believe that being AWARE that a change needs to occur is the first step toward any change. Like deciding to lose weight and starting to walk every day. It's about Behavior Modification. Long story short: Thoughts drive feelings, which drive emotions, which drive behavior. I began with changing my thoughts.

Keep doing what you are doing. There probably won't be any 'Burning Bushes', but the Little Changes will start to turn into Big Ones and everyone will benefit.

Answer 2

"Wholesome communication helps bind hearts in lasting love."

You seem to realize that. You are way ahead of the game, esp since you recognize your own faults. Some very good articles that have helped many are ...

Wholesome Communication--A Key to a Good Marriage
- What Wholesome Communication Involves
- Obstacles to Wholesome Communication
- How to Promote Wholesome Communication
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1999/7/15a/article_01.htm

When Marital Disagreements Arise ...
- Assessing the Situation
- Three Steps to Defusing an Argument
- “Pay Attention to How You Listen”
- Listening and Insight
- Aim to Resolve, Not to Win
- What You Can Do Now
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2005/6/1/article_01.htm

How Can You Make Peace With Others? :
~ Wars With Words--Why Are They Hurtful?
~ The Benefits of Making Peace
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/3/1/article_01.htm

How to Solve Problems Peacefully :
- Why They Resort to Violence
- How to Solve Problems Peacefully
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1998/11/1/article_01.htm

Help for Battered Women! :
- "Maybe This Time He'll Change"
- Why Do Men Batter Women?
- Help for Battered Women
- Machismo--A Global Problem
- Correcting Misconceptions
> "Sometimes I Think I Am Dreaming!" < a successful outcome
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/article_01.htm

HELP Your Children to Thrive! :
~ Harsh Words, Crushed Spirits
~ Parents Under Pressure
~ Help Your Children to Thrive
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/8/8/article_01.htm

Family Life That Pleases God :
1 What is the husband's position in the family?
2 How should a husband treat his wife?
3 What responsibilities does a father have?
4 What is the wife's role in the family?
5 What does God require of parents and of children?
6,7 What is the Bible's view of separation and of divorce?
http://www.watchtower.org/e/rq/index.htm?article=article_08.htm

The more one follows the recommendations in the articles above, the less they need the suggestions in the following ...

Relief From Stress!
- Assaulted by Stress
- Its Causes and Effects
- You Can Cope with Stress!
- How to Reduce Stress
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2005/2/8/article_01.htm

You Can Manage Stress!
- "The Silent Killer"
- The "Slow Poison"
- Good vs Bad Stress
- It Can Be Managed!
- PTSD--A Normal Reaction to an Abnormal Experience
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1998/3/22/article_01.htm

You can glean some Major Encouragement from this one ...

Can Prisoners Be Reformed? : <
- Prisons in Crisis
- Is the Solution Part of the Problem?
- Is REAL Reform Possible?
- Opening a Window of Hope ...
http://watchtower.org/e/20010508a/article_01.htm

As exemplified in these (> <) articles, YES, a person CAN change, esp. when receiving proper guidance!!

(NOTE : Most of the ^ URLs will likely be modified soon. After that, each sub-title can be entered in the Advanced Search engine at : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm , which will give you a link with its modified URL.)

Answer 3

Yes, you can change, but it's not easy. You've taken the first and most important step - you admitted that you had a problem. The rest is exchanging good habits for the bad practices that you have picked up through life. You used them because they worked for you in the past ... now ... not so much. You're driving your family away and obviously you would like them to stay.

Ask your therapist about RET (or now it's called REBT - Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy). Basically, RET is replacing irrational thoughts with rational ones. Your problems may stem from irrational beliefs.

In any event, it seems like you are on the right track. You are taking the right steps. Hang in there and good luck!!

Answer 4

Of Course you can change. Anger and Stress both can be cured!..I believe that every mental illness can be cured unlike some of the physical illness that we have. A mental illness occurs as a result of something - once we find out what that something is, you have won half the battle. Dont give up on your self. If you are a christian or catholic - the Bible is a very good place to start looking for help. It has answers to almost anything. Trust me you will feel much better once you know that God wants you to get better and that he is on your side.
Good Luck and God bless you.

Answer 5

It's possible. A person who wants to change can change. A person who doesn't want to change cannot. The best advice I could give you (if you want to change yourself) is to try to visualize what you are going to be like once you've changed. Concentrate on that a bit, and try to start living it. Also, if you have anger management issues, you should (if you are not already) see a counselor. I don't want really want to advocate it, but there are also drugs out there that you can get from your doctor that will calm your anger (and your other emotions too- that is why you must be careful with drugs). Medication should still be taken in conjunction with therapy sessions.

You have to want to change. Concentrate on the change. Live the change.

Answer 6

The short answer is no... the long answer is yes...

Everything in life takes work.. and anger/stress issues are no different... are your stessor's always going to be there??? absolutely... will what ticks you off today, probably tick you off tomorrow??? probably... But what can change is how you DEAL with these emotions... instead of maybe throwing a glass or punching a wall.. you go for a walk... instead of screaming obscenities--- you start writing in a journal...
Commit to how you deal with what makes you mad- other then what makes you mad... it's a far more reasonable goal for yourself... and GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

It is possible for a person to change. It's very challenging but the hard work will eventually pay off. True change comes from realizing where your relationship with God is at. When you ask Jesus Christ into your heart your nature is made new, your thinking revolves around completely new priorities, and your heart is open to God doing all sorts of housecleaning in there. So many of the things that we store up in our hearts - pain and fear and rejections and lost hopes - pale in their power to hurt us when we realize how small all of these hurts are compared to how wide and how permeating God's love is.

I hold your decision to be honest with yourself and to get help in high regard. I hope your journey goes well and you get to enjoy yourself living out the changes you would like to see in yourself.

Answer 8

I WOULD HAVE TO SAY YES AND NO. THERE ARE CERTAINLY THINGS ABOUT OURSELVES THAT WE CAN EASILY CHANGE, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO HOW WE DEAL WITH OTHERS. I DON'T THINK THAT A PERSON CAN CHANGE THEIR TEMPERMENT. I BELIEVE THAT IT IS SOMETHING WE ARE BORN WITH. IN YOUR SITUATION I FEEL THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY THAT YOU DEAL WITH STRESS AND ANGER AS IT IT RELATES TO YOUR FAMILY OR ON THE JOB, BY GIVING YOURSELF A MINUTE TO EVALUATE ANY GIVEN SITUATION BEFORE REACTING, THINK RATIONALLY BEFORE RESPONDING TO A NEGATIVE STIMULI, AND IN TERMS OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY, YOU MUST LEARN TO THINK OF THEIR FEELINGS, AND SEE THEIR FEELINGS AS BEING JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR OWN, THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULD NOT WANT TO HURT THEIR OWN FEELINGS, SO WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER HURTING THE FEELINGS OF THOSE THAT ARE CLOSES TO YOU

Answer 9

YES!!! But

its not easy and its not quick. (just like someday I'll find my way around a keyboard) I've done 22 years of theraphy, and now, 11 years of aa. When people complain to me today about their people, I usually say, you can't change people but you can exchange them.
You can change yourself. good luck.

Answer 10

I think its good that you are willing to change, getting professional help is a good idea. anyone can change if they really want to good luck and I hope everything goes well with your family