Do you like to be submissive or dominant?

Question

why????? do people who have no control in their life want control in bed????
and do power hungry people need to be dominant? does it matter as long as your not with someone who conflicts you? you know a dominant with a dominant? wouldn't that be an issue???

Answer 1

Good lord I hardly know where to begin.
There is so much to address here.
There are dominants and submissives, masters/mistress' and slaves, tops and bottoms and we shall just start with these for now.
All three types operate on the same basic principle. . . a mutual agreement of what they want and trust.
I cannot stress enough the aspect of trust.
This means they have ground rules and safe words.
In all cases it is the submissive that is really in control because they are the ones who say stop or go.
The role of the dominant is to please the submissive by being the administrator.
The submissive wants to be commanded but is they who choose to take that role.
Believe me they don't do anything they don't want to do.
The submissive willingly gives their will over to the dominant.
That will is expressed through the dominant but is remains their will as they have rendered it so.
They submit their bodies to the dominant and in doing so they find pleasure.
It's role playing, darling.

Masters/Mistress' & slaves are where the S&M comes in.
This is a little more hard core.
Restraints are employed, whips, blindfolds, and gags, all these things are tools.
These are props for the purpose of manipulating the senses.
Some people find the combination of pain and pleasure very satisfying.
Again it is the slave that is the true governor of the extremes as it is they who control the parameters.
The slave has a safe word that is used when they reach their limit.
Again it is role playing.

Tops and bottoms are described as such because one prefers to be the aggressor and one prefers to receive that aggressive sexual, shall we say, energy.
This does not mean that there is inherent brutality in their exchange but merely one like to do and the other likes to be done.

Having said all this there are those who engage in these activities who are damaged souls. And it is a sad thing to see.
But for the most part the interaction is equally pleasurable for both parties in all these activities.

People want to satisfy in their sexual lives that which is not satisfied in their public lives.
I don't know about power hungry people but people who have attained real power often like to take the submissive role in their sexual experiences because in their professional lives they have to be the one in control. Sometimes it's nice to let someone else do the work for a change.
Some dominants will take the submissive role now and again and some prefer not to.
It has always been a cardinal rule that to be a good dominant one must first be a good submissive.

Answer 2

Well for myself, I am a "switch". It depends on the woman. Being dom or sub has so many components to it. I like how it was summed up in an episode of CSI. One said "isn't the sub really in control? They have the "power word". In responsible lifestyles as such, there is always an out for a sub. I like being a financial slave to a woman I care about very much. I love to give her my credit card and anything else she needs or wants. Some may think, why the h3ll? But I say, why the h3ll not? I get a rush from making her happy, a good feeling knowing her needs are met. Of course she gets her rewards to. If balanced properly and no one is truly abused. It can be a very liberating experience.

Answer 3

Allow me to start off by refuting grignius's answer, because she makes it pretty clear in her descriptions that she knows absolutely nothing about BDSM or its terms, or she would not claim that whips, blindfolds and chains are unique to Master/slave play. Sadomasochism is a part of all levels of BDSM, and a Top is just as likely to take part with these tools as a Master. In truth, a Master/slave relationship could thrive without any sadomasochism involved, because it's the relationship, and not the play, that is important. It's also important to note that this is NOT roleplay. Those with Master/slave relationships do so as a lifestyle, and not simply for play. Here are some better definitions.

Top - A term for someone who likes to scene from the Dominant or top position. This person may or may not be a Dominant, Master or Mistress. They are the "active" participant in a BDSM scene.

bottom - One who enjoys scening from a submissive or bottom position. A bottom may or may not necessarily be a submissive. They receive the actions performed by the Top.

Dom/Domme - Male and female Dominant who prefers describing themselves in terms of there personality. It usually is the preferred description by the Dominant who does not own or prefer ownership of slaves. Also used to describe those who are newer to the community without many years of experience who are not recognizable in the community as a Master or Mistress.

sub - This is one who has a submissive aspect to their personality. They generally gain greatest pleasure in serving and pleasing others.

Master/Mistress - This term is used to denote ownership when a slave is involved. Generally a submissive or slave address a Dominant Master or Mistress only if they are collared or under contract to that Dominant. However, it may also denote a Dominant with some years of respected BDSM experience.

slave - This term is used to describe a wide variety of situations. Some feel a slave is one who has chosen to surrender control of their lives, without restrictions or limits. There is some controversy about the usage of this term in our modern free society because a slave would have no ability to walk away, and would in reality be illegal. In BDSM the choice to act as someone's slave and vacate one's personal rights or even ultimately walk away always lies with the submissive. So in reality this surrender of control is negotiated in great detail as to limits and time frame.

Now, none of these are particularly dependent on other issues in a person's life, though there is some evidence that people in positions of power that feel overwhelmed at times have a tendency to be submissive, as it allows them to pass responsibility to someone else to make the decisions for them.

Also, speaking from personal experience, two Dominants do not work well in a relationship, because they will often clash, and aren't what each other needs.

Answer 4

I like to be and am submissive. Not sure why it just feels right ! At work I am the dome maybe that is the reason, just always have wanted to be the submissive in the bedroom and at home. Its a fantasy to be used this way ! Just a fag I guess !

Answer 5

With a guy I like to be the bottom. What do you mean exactly by dominant or submissive though?

As in bottom/top or a leader/follower?

Answer 6

I like to be dominant, with a nice and tender teenager. By the way, I'm a guy and would love to make it out with a girl only.....I'm straight, you see!

However, I'm also fond of lesbians. They're too cute!

Answer 7

In bed I like to be the top, and I like to be affectionately posessive, and protective, yet I can be pretty emotionall sumbissive, and end up being lead around sometimes, which I don't mind.

Answer 8

I like to be a submissive and let my gf completely own me.

And who cares what other people prefer in the sack? It's not hurting anyone, other than themselves, and they seem to be enjoying that anyway. :)

Answer 9

submissive, in bed atleast. out of bed i am the one to hold the person and tell them everythings going to be ok

Answer 10

I have no problem being either, but I wouldn't want to get stuck in a role