my boyfriends overweight I dont know what to do!!!?

Question

I need help. My boyfriend is pretty fat, he weighs about 240 and is about 5'10''. This upsets me, its not fair because i do so much to make sure that i'm not one of those girlfriends who "lets themselves go" (weve been dating for over a year) so i workout on a weekly basis and watch what i eat to try and get slimmer and stay that way. Since weve started dating hes only gained weight, about twenty pounds. Its to the point that while i love him dearly, i'm finding myself to not be as attracted to him anymore and cant stand seeing his fat rolls. i dont mind a little chub but with his body type he should be weighing about 190! i dont know what to do, he knows he needs to lose weight and makes feeble attempts every now and then but its like he'll go running once or twice then not again for months or he'll say hes "starting the atkins diet" but only does it for 3 days. Its hard to talk about it with him because hes sensitive. What can i do? i cant excersize with him because of time schedules

Also, going to the gym with him isnt really an option because we both separately have free gyms we are members of but we cant attend each others without paying and neither of us have that money. Also its like 5 degrees out so running outside together isnt an option.

by the way its not just about looks. my dad is a doctor and he has instilled in me to try and be as healthy as i can without making myself miserable so i hate the fact that hes so unhealthy. And also by the way, he is miserable about how he looks and is always pressuring me to compliment his looks as he does me to me but i dont feel right in doing so. he has a gorgeous face so i tell him that but thats as far as i go.

no more telling "your the one with the problem" and "you need to get over it". thats not why i posted this. if i wanted your opinion on whether i'm a ***** or not then i would have said so. i want to know what I can do to help him. I know he wants my help, hes said so but its hard because when i do push him he gets offended. And i dont mind being in the relationship with him fat but its complicating things because he wants a lot of sex and its getting hard to get turned on

Answer 1

Damn girl, Keep talking (not nagging) with him. Tell him how you feel and be honest. I'm sensitive too but when something is amiss, I listen because I love her. You have to remain vigilant and keep the lines of communication open. If your investment starts to spiral down the toilet...DON'T follow it. I tell you what, if I were in his shoes, and had a woman like you willing to keep herself fit...I'd be fit right with you.
Keep the Faith and talk.
Bless you.
May you find Peace in your life, you deserve it.

Answer 2

Just to let you know, your silhouette looks like a dude. But that's cool.

I don't think you're being shallow. Physical intimacy is important. I think I would just be straight up with him, and tell him that you love him, but are starting to find yourself less attracted to him physically -- and you don't want to feel that way.

If he's sensitive, it will probably scare the bejeezus out of him, and I imagine he'll do something about it. You could both work out at your respective gyms separately, both eat a healthy, low-cal diet, and track each other's progress.

A carrot-and-stick approach would probably work best. I.e., the "stick" is that you're less attracted to him now; the "carrot" should be that you SHOW him in no uncertain terms how attractive it is to you that he's (hopefully) losing weight. If this works out well, it could actually bring you two closer together. Good luck!

Answer 3

I understand how hard it is. I face the same issue with my husband, he loves pizza and McDonalds which makes me pretty upset but I also try to eat healthy and exercise in regular basis. Is really hard but you have to lay it down for him and tell him what is bothering you. At the end, if you let him go fat you are hurting him because that cannot be healthy for anyone. I have more control because we leave together and I basically watch out what he eats when he is home. I try cooking healthy stuff and I know I may be a nag sometimes by being on top of what he puts on his mouth but I feel like I have to. His mother never taught him how to eat healthy and is when we lived together that he knew what wheat bread and fruit is.

Answer 4

okay from the question you sound really worried. what you should do is tell him this" hey so and so, look i know right now your at a stage in your life where its really hard to focus and be persistent in trying to lose weight. but baby you have to realize that its not healthy being this way. and i am very proud of you for trying your best to lose wieght. but with a little help i think we can try a little bit more harder. with this weight it could lead to things like diabetes and other things. i care about you sweatheart and i dont want you to get hurt nonetheless get really sick." when you do this be very gentle and as caring as you can with this. when you say this dont forget to let him know how much you care about him and that your willing to do whatever it takes to help him. be there and for him and tell him everything in the end is gonna be okay. that no matter how he looks is not gonna change how you feel about him. good luck.

Answer 5

He's got to want to lose the weight on his own. If you nag him, he'll gain more weight. Quit talking to him about it. He's thinking about it enough on his own. If you can't stand looking at him, then don't. Take a break. He may end up resenting you if you constantly remind him of his extra weight. Look at his parents and their lifestyle. Are they heavy? Does he really want to lose the weight? If you go out to eat with him, pick a place that has a low fat menu. You will have to retrain his thinking because he is replacing something with food. It is a substitute. If he doesn't want to change on his own, don't force it.

Answer 6

You need to love him for who he is and not what he looks like. Appearances can always change and often do with time and of course, age. If you are worried about his health you can express that as a concern BUT he isn't going to diet or exercise until he is ready.
Another suggestion I have is making him a doctors appointment. If he is infact that overweight a doctor may have luck in scaring him thin.
Be there to support him and incourage him.

Answer 7

My advice to you is to find someone as shallow as yourself. There can be many factors for his weight-gain. You said he's sensitive, well maybe he has clinical depression. If he over-eats he may be using food to comfort himself about some distressful situation. You say you love him dearly but you only seem to care what's going on with his body and not with his mind. If you're not attracted to him anymore, break up with him. He'll be better off anyway. Maybe he'll find someone who will be supportive and will help him find out what his core problems are instead of just complaining about how fat he is.

Answer 8

Wow...if you were a guy complaining about your fat girlfriend, I'd call you a total pig.

I think you have to love him for who he is, or move on. Your nagging him to lose weight is probably only making him feel worse and depressed...which leads to weight gain.

Is he good to you? Do you love him? Because you could have your 6 pack guy with the perfect bod and he could be a total asshole.

I'd back off of him if I were you. Schedule outdoor activities, fun exercise things that both of you can do together, without it being obvious. And learn to accept him instead of obsessing over exteriors. someday you might get big as a house too...wouldn't you want your man to love you regardless?

Answer 9

There must be more going on in his life , he doesn't need someone to egg him on his weight, he needs love and support, have him over, cook healthy meals. Talk about what is bothering him communication is so important, don't dislike him because he is gainning weight love him for who he is and help him maybe he is afraid your about to leave him

Answer 10

if you really love him then his weight really shouldn't be a problem!!unless it is a real health issue that the doc says to worry about.just love him and try going out a little more without him wear more sexy clothes,get your hair and make-up honey if that doesn't get to want to lose a Little weight then i don't know what will.