I am moving to another state after my divorce to be with a woman I love.?

Question

I have a 9 year old son. I have made plans to stay in touch with him on a daily basis although I will be able to see him only every few months. Am I doing the wrong thing?

Answer 1

If you're asking, I think you already know.
The message you will send to YOUR son is that he's not as important to you as YOUR pursuit of personal bliss with someone else.
I've had to chase my son back and forth across the continental divide - he's 10 now - and I know he's received the message of his worth to me loud and clear. I can do ANYTHING I have to for the next 7-1/2 years 'til he's out of high school to hang on to that relationship. ANYthing.
"Quality" time is a cop-out. Children need QUANTITY time with their parents.
NObody else is going to father MY son - NObody. That's MY responsibility - that's MY priviledge.
So can you. It's your choice.

Answer 2

I believe this is really no different than if you had taken a job out of state. If you remain unhappy where you are, this will filter down to your son, and the time you did have together would be miserable. I believe that when you do get to see your son, you make each time a memorable experience. Plan activities that you both enjoy and cherish every moment. Make sure that your son understands how much you love him, no matter how many miles seperate you two. Never let down on the nightly chats, and make sure that he has more than one contact number for you in case he has a problem he wishes to go to you for. Make sure that he knows he can contact you anytime, and if by chance he gets to your voice-mail, assure him that you will call him back immediately. Make it a tradition for you two...set a time the daily contact will be made, and make it an off time, like 8:01pm, so it remains special and non-generic. Ask him his feelings about your choice as well as the new love in your life. Include her, of course, however, please make sure that some of the time you spend together is alone...just daddy/son time. Those are the moments that he will remember and hold on to. If possible, as well, make sure that there is maybe a annual repeated outing...like say to your favorite fishing spot, just the two "guys".

Good Luck!
LilD

Answer 3

I know how passionate love is...
but your son needs his dad. Listen...the day will come when he will be grown and you would give anything to have him little again, just for a day, so you can hug him. He has no choice in the matter. The little guy is going to have to live with whatever decision you make.
I stupidly put an adult ahead of my children at one time in my life and still regret it to this day even though they don't seem bothered by it. I am still bothered by it because I know it was wrong. I knew it was wrong then and did it anyway.

How about if your new love moves to your location?

Whatever you decide, I hope things work out well for you.

Answer 4

This is something you have to decide for yourself. Talk to your son and find out his feelings also. If you decide to move, make sure your son knows that you love him and will see him as often as possible. Is there anyway you might could have joint custody or at least get him for a couple of months in the summer? Sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do, but it is not the end of the world. Just make sure that you and your son keep a close relationship. I wish you and your son the very best of luck.

Answer 5

So, you went to a foriegn usa, married some undesirable harmless woman purely so which you ought to get in her pants, have been given her pregnant two times, now your returning to the states and opt to offload her so which you will marry your american woman chum ! You sir are a typical protection stress ASSHOLE who must be overwhelmed interior of an inch of his existence. properly, because of the fact the husband of a foriegn bride and somebody who has spent many hours interpreting over immigration rules and policies i opt to tell you: you're screwed chum, you have already surpassed the two year mark meaning that your spouse can enter the USA without or with you, married or divorced from you and maximum probable if she gets a competent lawyer your sorry *** would be helping her for the subsequent 6 a million/2 years because of the fact once you married her and filed her immigrant visa application you had to sign a 10 year afidavit of help purely like another american citizen who marries a foriegner.. in case you abandon her i wish she comprises the states and blisters your *** in courtroom. For a remember of actuality, If i knew who she replaced into and the thank you to touch her i might help her do purely that very factor.. If I have been you i may well be worrieing approximately her fileing a criticism with immigration alleging marriage under fake pretense. i've got have been given little need for low existence scum bags such as you !

Answer 6

my oppinion, Yes ur doing the wrong thing.. because although u think that life is going to be grand an that u'll see him as much as possible, it tends to end up that things come up, that u cant see him as often as u wanted, and the longer u go with out seeing him, the more detached u will become from him and ur old life and want to move forward in ur new life that only has him in it when its convient to u, and then ur son will for the most part grow up with out a father, or one that he only see's once or twice a year and sorry but thats not being a dad.. he is going to need u very soon.. when he starts getting into his teens he'll need a man to TEACH HIM how to be a man, and a FATHER to his own kids some day, and ur going to be absent, and he's going to feel lost, and betrayed by u , a bunch of empty , broken promises.. i know ur thinking that this cant possibly happen to u.. but look at u already, ur willing to leave ur flesh and blood a little boy that loves u , to go be with some woman that ur not even sure its going to work out with, i mean heck u probably felt the same at one point about ur sons mother and that didnt work out.. You need to be a man and step up to the plate and be a "REAL FATHER" to ur son, he didnt ask for the divorce, he didnt ask for u to fall in love with a woman who lives in another state, he only asked for u to be his dad, and be there. Sad that u cant realize that you've been given a precious gift and ur to damn busy thinking with the head in ur pants rather then with the head on ur shoulders to realize that he needs his daddy every day, not just once every few months which will turn into once every 6, which will turn into once a year.. the longer u get use to a life with out him the easier it will be to leave him behind.. and thats sad and pathetic, and if this woman that ur in love with was worth a damn, she'd realize that your sons needs are more important then her own, and would think ur a crappy father for leaving ur son, instead of being a selfish person that only thinks of herself, and that should be a RED FLAG to u of what kind of person she is.. a woman that is fine with u leaving ur son behind.. she doesnt care it isnt her child.. yeah thats the person u want to bring in ur childs life...geeze grow up and be a REAL MAN, A REAL FATHER!

Answer 7

I went through this 12 years ago. Short answer is no, you are not doing the wrong thing. Email me and I'll give you more detail. It worked out very well for my son and me, even though she had custody of my son at first. It appears there are a lot of self righteous responses from people who have never been there answering your question. Glass houses principle?

Answer 8

If that woman agrees with this decision about you seeing your son every few months, it's the wrong thing to do.

Answer 9

Maybe if you need to get away for awhile, and let the dust settle. But I would not leave for good inless I really had to . I think your son needs you around if you are a good dad.I mean do you spend time with him. Teach him stuff. Most little boys wont to growup to be just like dad

Answer 10

think about it whats more important to you? your son or where you live?
if your sons important to you then you will not move interstate as you know you have limited access to him. months pass then finally your ex has a new man whom your son is calling daddy cause your not doing your job. i suggest you think strongly about whats important being a dad or a lover?

my children's biological father lives just down the road comes once a month or so. my children call my partner dad and see him more than there biological father, they see him as there father, they don't care cause he has been replaced. they don't have 2 dads only dad (my partner) and (Harvey there biological father) whom they call by his christian name.
do you want this to happen to your son?
i think you need to look at what your doing for the sake of you son if you want to be in his life do it more than once a month at least once a week if possible and make it the same day so he can look forward to seeing you don't let him forget you, blood is thicker than water. your thinking with the wrong head. if she loves you then she will stay in the same state.