I left the marriage last year and he promised it would be better and we would go to counseling etc, etc... Then 1 year later things were just as bad if not worse b/c he did not change and I was begining to turn into a person i did not like (mirror image of him.. cold hearted, not caring, avoiding eachother etc.) I got to the point where enough is enough and I did what I think is right for everybody and left. Now he calls and emails that we are meant for eachother and we're going to marriage counceling and we're gonna grow old together. oh yeah we never made it to counceling the 1st time b/c "I'm me and i'm not changing for anybody, dont like it too bad." I know in my heart that i love him but i also know that this is an act to get me back then things will get back to where they were. how should i handle getting that point across? i dont want him to hate me or talk bad about me b/c we have a child and i think we need to have a good parenting relationship.
2007-01-12 15:10:54 · 20 answers · asked by Miranda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is an act and only an act. Tell him if he is serious to prove it. If he is then he will make the effort to begin counseling and taking the needed steps to better himself as well as the relationship, if he does then go back. If he doesn't, serve him with divorce papers. Hold your ground. You and your child deserve a better enviorment than that. You Can both still be good parents without being together. Good Luck !!
2007-01-12 15:18:24 · answer #1 · answered by jenny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Smart women, you're on the right track! You could date nothing wrong with that but anything else will not work or do.
Living together hasn't worked in the past and nothing says you can't love him from a far or just b/c you're divorced or just b/c you live in different houses, there is no rule that says you can't stay there or he can't stay with you. Just be nice and tell him that the relationship has hit a turning point and for now this is all you can offer. There are too many lives at risk here and to make more mistakes would only be more confusing to everyone, you can still be a family, still love him, just see how and where things go from this side of the turning point, you just never know what might happen. Give it LOTS of time, rush nothing! Best wishes to you and your family.
2007-01-12 15:23:56 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to try AGAIN, tell him that you will go to counselling, but you won't move back yet. Then see if he will go. If he does, and sticks with it, and you do see a change in him with time, then you can make the decision whether you want to move back or not.
Maybe he is sincere this time! But don't ever go back until you should see some definite changes that you can live with. And he would have to stick with the counselling, and not miss any appointments with some feeble excuse. Counselling usually takes months, so be prepared to spend the time and effort.
If you don't think you want to do this, then maybe it's time to just end it now. Good luck!
2007-01-12 22:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't believe or trust that he will keep his word on making these changes, Then tell him to make an appointment with a councelor and you'll meet him there, wherever, when ever
he tells you to.
If he makes 'ANY' excuse, or gives 'ANY' reason why this is not a good idea, or refuses to do it this way, than he's 'still' in control,
or trying to be.
If he really loves you and wants this to work, then he'll be willing to act on your suggestion..
If he doesn't then it's a sure sign you really 'cannot' trust what he says.
Without trust there really no hope.
He's got to be just as willing as you to do whatever it takes
to make it work.. 'don't get me wrong, you'd be a fool to go back to him without anything changing, and especially if he won't go to councelling.
I went through this myself, but like a fool I went back believing all his promises (lies actually) and lived with it for another three years. I finally left and filed for devorce.
So get him to DO, not SAY""!
2007-01-12 17:48:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this relationship is over and its not working for you, then you should move on. This can't be healthy for your child to live thru. Wouldn't you rather be alone and happy than be miserable and a bad role model. Your hubby just realized that you are the best thing that has ever happened to him and he royally f*cked it up. So of course he wants you back. I say go with your instincts and move on and don't look back. Good Luck to you
2007-01-12 15:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I played that game with my x for ten years. and it was an agonizing ordeal, not only for us, but our child, and all of the people around us. And he never changed. Still hasn't. He just plays the game with other people now. It is really sad, but at least I don't participate anymore. We do still talk, as we have a child together, but only about her. There is no "us". Never will be again. So no need to discuss it. Love yourself enough , and your child for that matter, to get the heck out of there.
good luck
2007-01-12 15:32:02 · answer #6 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh boy! He is playing you. You might go to counseling or mediation about parenting and let him know (in no uncertain terms) that you have no intention of being in a relationship with him again. You gave him plenty of chances and now it is over. Tell him to move on.
2007-01-12 15:27:47 · answer #7 · answered by Shrieking Panda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are smart - it is just to get you back to see if he can. You are right - it will get back to how it was before. He can prove he has changed by living his life differently, but he doesn't need to live with you to prove that. Give him at least another year to show he is different. You don't have to get the point across to him, you don't owe him that effort, and he won't hear what he doesn't want to hear. all you need to parent together is to focus any conversation around the child.
2007-01-12 15:24:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be honest with him on how you are feeling. If possible go to consuling to see if you can get a good coparenting relationship. Make sure you are both working together for the child.
2007-01-12 15:16:57 · answer #9 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you stay, realize you will have to resort to this level of histronics every time you get to your breaking point...which will be perpetual, because he's not going to try. He's the kind of person who thinks no noise means everything's great. It's not a game, his begging you back; it is who he is. Good luck with that.
2007-01-12 15:16:26 · answer #10 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋