we just became engaged 4 mons ago.about 2 weeks after tom asked me to help pay off his debt.this dept is not from a medical emergency but from guilt.he cheated and left his wife and child for a old gf(not me)and when he did he gave his wife everything(bank accounts,stocks,car,house,ect)which along with a huge child support payment left him in debt.i know this sounds mean but i have worked hard for what i have and feel i should not have to pay for his "mistakes".i know he thinks i'm selfish for not helping him but i feel he made these decisions that put him in debt.plus after 6yrs he still feels guilty for what he did(rightfully so) and his exwife uses that guilt to get what she wants.so if i pay off his debt i feel that will just free up more extra money he can give her.he already pays her child support/health/daycare cost.
2007-01-12 14:35:19 · 7 answers · asked by gigi2winters7 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Oh boy, what a gem, you really want to marry guy with this background. He leaves his wife and kid for a girl friend. Then accumulates significant back child support, according to you he 'lives' with guilt and now hes guilting you for not bailing him out. He will always have to pay child support at least till his child is 18, that means he will never have enough money. For you to believe the "I gave her everything" line, he would have had to have a lawyer who slept through the proceedings and then a judge who never took into account what he made. Not a very likely story. Too often, what comes out is that it was her stocks, accounts and money that went into the house and cars in the first place. He wants to take you for your money as much as he may have taken wife 1 for hers.
At best you are marrying, and putting your credit rating together with a very poor investment. Keep your money, and get rid of him. That hes making you feel guilty for his mistakes, should make alarm bells ring. Listen to them, your instincts are excellent.
2007-01-12 14:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope... Don't pay... If he made that mistake HE should face the consequences... If he feels guilty then it he should just go back to his wife and child... Don't pay because if you do and when you guys are married already, you will have to help him support his old wife and child so it's better that you leave him...
2007-01-12 14:49:38 · answer #2 · answered by Rinko_Sano 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're absolutely right, you have no obligation to pay for his past mistakes. Not only is he trying to use you, but he's taking you a guilt trip. Call off the "engagement" and let him go. Otherwise, he will drain you dry. Don't be foolish. Drop this guy. Also, keep your bank balances to yourself next time.
2007-01-12 14:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is totally up to you what you do with your money, but once you get married or something your stuff and his stuff becomes shared. Before you get married make sure you make a note of what you had going into the marriage just in case you do get a divorce from him. My mother and father just recently split up and they had to divide up their assets between themselves and then the assets between myself and my siblings. Just make a note of what you have before going into the marriage just in case it comes to that point that you might get a divorce.
Anyways, I think it is totally up to you, he is paying for what he did. It would be nice of you to pay his debt off and relieve him of the debt.
2007-01-12 14:42:32 · answer #4 · answered by drunken_monkey1988 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be kidding....this guy is trying to make YOU feel guilty for not paying off HIS debt??? You need to dump this b/f before you invest anymore of your time in him. He is always going to be an emotional and financial black hole. Why should YOU pay off his stuff....not me man...nope....i would run fast and run far!
2007-01-12 14:42:56 · answer #5 · answered by rocketgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO - do not pay it. He will eventually leave you with the tab.
this is not your problem and he shouldn't have even asked you to.
I would get as far away from him as I could
2007-01-12 14:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by my-stang 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you weren't wrong. Let him pay his own way and don't "enable" him.
2007-01-12 15:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by bad_bob_69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋