we just became engaged 4 mons ago.about 2 weeks after tom asked me to help pay off his debt.this dept is not from a medical emergency but from guilt.he cheated and left his wife and child for a old gf(not me)and when he did he gave his wife everything(bank accounts,stocks,car,house,ect)which along with a huge child support payment left him in debt.i know this sounds mean but i have worked hard for what i have and feel i should not have to pay for his "mistakes".i know he thinks i'm selfish for not helping him but i feel he made these decisions that put him in debt.plus after 6yrs he still feels guilty for what he did(rightfully so) and his exwife uses that guilt to get what she wants.so if i pay off his debt i feel that will just free up more extra money he can give her.he already pays her child support/health/daycare cost.
2007-01-12 14:31:09 · 25 answers · asked by gigi2winters7 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Nope..
You were not wrong..
You might have considered it after marriage..
Not before...
2007-01-12 14:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. He should of been straight up with you before you got engaged, then maybe you two could of worked something out, but not two weeks after you became engaged.
Maybe he became engaged and not told you about it. Sounds like he might of known you had the money to pay her off. what does he do? I wouldn't give her a penny. That is between him and her. You didn't make the debt. He shouldn't even considered you in paying that. You don't pay for someone Else's mistakes, or they will learn nothing.
2007-01-12 14:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by CHEROKEE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong and Thank God you got out while you did! NEVER let the next one know what you have and what you don't finacially! Don't feel bad for this joker either if he still feels guilty after this lobg then what chance did you and he really ever have? Not to mention once a cheater always a cheater - yes some of them change but this guy hasn't yet, mark my words!
You made the right decision don't feel bad at all!
2007-01-12 14:48:54 · answer #3 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it was a matter of wrong or right. You obviously don't love this man enough to help him out, whatever his needs are. I doubt he wanted your help to free up money to give to his ex. I think it would've been smart if the two of you had tried together to get rid of most of both of your debts, before you got married. Once you were married, you could get together on the finances, and make sure that not an extra penny will go to his ex, above child support. He is not obligated to pay the daycare cost, unless he wants to, and I think any money towards the kids needs is fine, but nothing to towards the ex. This was something that would've easily been worked out, if you indeed loved him enough to work it out. You will go through life with bigger problems than a 25k debt, will you turn your back on him when it's inconvenient for you? If so, don't get married.
2007-01-12 15:11:11 · answer #4 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! don't make this terrible mistake.
I had the same thing happen to me, and i'm so glad i ended the realtionship. My X-bf also left his wife for another woman (not me)
and had a $43.000 debt he asked me to help him pay.
His wasn't from child support/allomony or anything like that.
His was from attorney fees and court costs with all the fighting and bickering that went on between them.
What I'm saying is this, If your fiance' was 'truly' in love with you,
and had respect and honored you, he would 'NEVER' ask you to pay his debts, no matter how he got them..
It's another thing if you WANT to help him, but you are certainly 'NOT' obligated to.
This to me, is a bad sign for your future with this man.
And how on earth do you know you can trust him??
He's already 'Cheated on" one wife, left another woman and now trying to 'USE you'..
There's no way I'd trust a man that cheated on a wife before.
Once they've tasted that kind of freedom it will always be lurking in the shadows..
2007-01-12 18:03:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're no longer being egocentric in any respect yet being extremely clever. What happens if Tom discovers a clean love and dumps you leaving you in enormous debt. you ought to safeguard your self and the undeniable fact which you have funds positioned aside attests to the undeniable fact which you have been careful with your cash in assessment to him. he's probable green with envy of the undeniable fact which you have some secure practices and desires to be in a greater efficient monetary place than he's. in case you do lend him this funds I are looking forward to which you would be writing to solutions in six months disappointed at what a fool you were. purely bear in mind how undesirable it replaced into lending funds to others interior the previous and how frightening it replaced into whilst they did no longer pay you returned. The worst area of entering into this concern is that it reasons to plenty heartache. purely tell him your monetary adviser instructed you it relatively is replaced into no longer a achieveable plan and go away it at that. If he relatively cares approximately you he won't deliver this up returned. good success.
2016-10-07 02:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good grief woman! I'm sure you are emotionally attached to this issue but read your own question, the answer is glaring to me. This guy does not have a good track record so you must stay clear of his havoc. If he doesn't value his time with you for basic human companionship reasons then move on without him. You would be wise to protect more than just your money in my opinion.
2007-01-12 14:41:17 · answer #7 · answered by Mere Exposure 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope this guy won't ruin your credit once you marry. It's going to be difficult to buy a home and get car loans if he isn't on board with this financial stuff. Check into it. Also, check into what/if he owes the IRS. I'm concerned he's giving you a guilt trip already. Is he really worth it?
2007-01-12 14:44:55 · answer #8 · answered by Lake Lover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he made a whole heap of poor choices! You are not responsible for them. Sounds like you should really consider protecting your assets also. No joint anything. He maybe a perfectly nice guy, but you don't want to set yourself up to be cleaned out.
Blended family issues are quite messy, especially in the financial department. I know, I live it daily. That is why I tell you to protect you. I did not. I wish I had.
Good luck!
2007-01-12 14:40:20 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not wrong, It was his problem before you not after, he needs to just deal with it and you can only be there for mental support.Take care of yourself first remember your not married yet, and only together for 4yrs.Everyone makes mistakes yes but how will we learn if we didn't clean it up ourselves?Don't worry you did the right thing and he should except how you feel.
2007-01-12 14:40:39 · answer #10 · answered by lmcm1975 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong for turn him down for that. He need to pay for his mistake. I kind of learn the hard way and told him that he better start spending money wisely or else he would only hurt himself. He would beg for money from me and others... so please don't pay for his mistakes and believe me best off if he just take his own responsible.
2007-01-12 14:52:20 · answer #11 · answered by Country Gal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋