Well... I always had a problem of expressing myself because I was afraid of people finding out I was gay (wasn't ready to come out yet)... and well, I was thinking... if I come out, do you think it would help me become more of an outgoing and fun person to be around? I am myself around two friends who I've grown up with and they think that I'm a fun person, but when I'm with people I just meet they usually find me very boring and I become introverted. I'm just trying to think of the pros and cons right now about coming out and any input would be really helpful. Thanks for all serious answers.
2007-01-12 14:25:25 · 8 answers · asked by Flashing Lights 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Yes, because you are constricting your personality now. Part of your personality is that you are gay. You are "shutting down" to conceal that right now. I believe that is the source of your withdrawing with new people.
I suspect you will find coming out and extremely freeing experience . . . you will not believe the difference in how you feel, how you view the world .... Not all may embrace your orientation, but those that will will more than make up for any who don't.
2007-01-12 14:33:02 · answer #1 · answered by morahastits 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Coming out actually can change your personality...or not so much change it as let the real you out. No pun intended. When you are still closeted you have an inner fear that affects everything you do. When you are out, that fear is gone. It sounds simplistic but I know from experience it is true.
Coming out doesn't have to be big and flashy and flamboyant. You don't have to suddenly march in a gay pride parade and wear rainbow bracelets and get a personalized queer as folk licence plate. All it means is that you no longer hide that you are gay. Most of the time all this means is a mental shift in the way you think about yourself. If someone asks you if you are gay you say yes. If you are in a group of friends you are now allowed to comment on how cute the waiter is. There is nothing wrong with being flashy and flamboyant, I personally love going to see the drag shows, but that's NOT what coming out is about.
Now a few questions for you. Are you prepared for what coming out may mean. It's all well and good for those of us who are out to say sure...come out...join the party...scream it from the roof. But it's not always the right answer. You may lose friends. Some people will look at you differently and treat you differently. Yeah it sucks, but that's the way it is. Yeah if they turn on you they weren't good friends anyways. Just be prepared. Come out for the right reason...because you are ready and comfortable with who you are.
2007-01-12 22:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by Rye Encoke 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, coming out isn't always easy, but my best advice is be true to yourself. If you feel that having others know your orientation will help you be more comfortable with who you are, then by all means do it. While coming out may not give the results you're expecting, it can help relieve the feeling that you are supressing the true you. It may take a while for you to be completely comfortable saying that you're gay, but eventually it really won't matter to you who knows because you won't have anything to hide. I also feel that it is better to let everyone hear it from you, instead of some other way. I wish you luck, it's a big step, but I'm willing to bet you'll be happier when you've taken it.
2007-01-12 22:50:24 · answer #3 · answered by Mama23Girls 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that coming out will change your personality. You may just be an introvert. I am out and I'm still introverted, even in a group of gay men and even with my friends. There is nothing wrong with that. Accept yourself the way you are, even being introverted and shy is ok. It's only extroverts that will tell you that it is not.
As far as coming out, even if there won't be a guaranteed change in personality, I think you should do it anyway. You'll find out who your real friends are, and who the idiots are in your life. Chances are, most people who know you and love you will still love you, so what's the big deal? You'll be able to share more of yourself with them and get the love and support you deserve - and you won't have to lie anymore.
2007-01-12 22:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by Richard K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that yes, part of the reason why you are self-conscious around people is because you're not out. Perhaps you are afraid of being judged negatively for being gay.
However, it's up to YOU to decide what is best for you to do in this situation. Remember, everyone is different, and what works for other people may not necessarily work for you.
You don't have to come out to every single person if you don't want to. You may decide to come out to only some people. Also, being introverted might just be part of your nature.
Good luck.
2007-01-12 22:45:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if that should necessarily sway your decision, but you are more likely to be ONE person all the time instead of the "comfortable you" and the "closeted you". If the comfortable you really is that outgoing, then...yeah. But if you're introverted more because you're around new people, and less because you're worried about them finding out, then coming out won't change that too much.
2007-01-13 00:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think that when you come out, you are freer as a person and more gregarious. So by proxy, your personality changes because you have ceased to hide yourself.
However, I would come out in stages. When I say this, I mean by first coming out to your two friends (if you haven't already). Then choose to admit your orientation when people ask you. After that, you can join a GLBT group (a GSA, PFLAG, etc) to volunteer. And if you still feel comfortable and proud after that, then you can take a big jump and march in a Pride Parade.
Good luck!
2007-01-12 23:20:29 · answer #7 · answered by Megosophy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Coming out is a difficult process...but it will enrich your life. It's wonderful to just be who you are...you will learn to really like yourself a lot more than you do.
2007-01-13 00:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋