Should my fiance be going out at night even though I cant?

Question

I dont know if anyone would consider this as insensitive... i didnt really until the past couple days ive been thinking about it...

I used to go out all the time to bars and parties and stuff. But i have a disorder that makes me sick and very very tired at times (i feel weak like i have cancer or something but of course i dont).. my symptoms have been getting worse the past couple of months and because im a full time college student during the day i often do not feel up to going out. My fiance has guy friends that he goes out with probly a few times a week to bars and stuff. He asks me to go but of course I cant. Is it okay for him to be going out so much when im at home sick? I dont make him feel bad about it or anything i mean we have a good relationship... id just like some feedback. Also we do not live together. Thanks!

We are young in our early twenties and i know that going out and having fun is important.... right now im pretty depressed because a new club is opening up and hes going... of course he wants me to go but i dont feel good enough. He stays overnight with me sometimes... and last night he went out and then i didnt even see him until he came in after i was asleep. He works 9-9 every day so i can only see him at night.

ALSO... i am concious of the fact that my illness could potentially be depressing to him, so i try to keep my spirits high around him and still show him how much i love him. And its not like im like this all the time. I absolutely want him to hang out with his friends i think holding onto friendships is very important.

Answer 1

No, he should not. If he has any consideration for you, he would be with you when you are feeling bad. I don't mean "bugging you every minute" - I mean in the same house where he is accessible if you need him. Fiance means he is ready for the "for better or worse, sickness or health". I don't think he is showing this very well. If he says he won't give up his friends, then he really don't understand about commitment. Then cut him loose. I hate to see any relationship break up but sometimes it happens.

Answer 2

Opinion: Well it all depends on how often he goes out, if he goes out alot, if you two are engaged then he should be trying to slow his roll on going out to bars and clubbing or whatever he does. If I were you , I would talk to him and express my feelings, you can't make him feel bad by expressing yourself towards him. Cause when it all boils down he seem not to see anything wrong with what he's doing, so the only one thats hurting is you. I know you two are not living together yet, but you should bring it up, and let him know, whenever you do tie the knot, you would like for him to be home more, an d the going out all the time has to decrease, but don't tell him he can't hang out with his friends, but let him know he should be home at a reasonable hour. Also don't always think because youre sick he should be with you at your side all the time, he can become depressing for him.

Answer 3

I think he could be more considerate to your feelings - If he is your to be husband then he already fails the part about through sickness and in health. I think I would evaluate the situation and seriously ask yourself if this is the type of life you want when you do marry him, chances are they won't change and it could get worse!

It's nice you are giving him his freedom, trusting him in the manner you are and trying to understand his behavior but where is his understanding toward you and your problems?!

Think things over marriage is not a relationship you can just walk away from when you want, it isn't that easy and besides don't you want to at least try to get it right the first time? There comes a time when we all have to grow up and it would be nice if you didn't have to ask him to but if you have to ask I guess it can't hurt, he just might but then again don't be surprized if he isn't ready to yet and you'll know by his reply.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

If you're going to get married this is a very important question, one that could make or break your relationship later on. But no one but you can say if it's OK or not.

If you trust him and don't feel left out then I would say it's fine. If it's causing you problems than it will cause the relationship problems as well. So the answer is very important, one that you must come up with yourself.

When you do decide if it bothers you, talk to him. Tell him how you feel and then try to compromise. Perhaps going out is fine but maybe he needs to not do it as often.

Answer 5

Going out to clubs a few times a week is plenty too much.
Does he have a drinking problem? There are other activities, like going to the gym or staying home & playing cards or whatever. It would annoy me - maybe he's not really ready to settle down. I think if he goes out once a week with the guys and at least once a week with you, that seems healthy & sane.

Answer 6

Men have a desire to fix things and when they can't fix something, they sometimes distance themselves from it. Your fiance's behavior may be a way of distancing himself from something he can't fix, which is your health problem. You say you don't want to make him feel bad by complaining about him going out, but at this point he has nothing to feel bad about, except that he can't restore your health. Whatever your disorder is, concentrate on getting the medical help you need. If your finance sees some progress in that regard, he may feel more comfortable in your company.

Understand that it's not your fault that you're sick, and it's not his either. Concentrate on your health, not him.

Answer 7

You need to let him do things but he may be taking advantage of it if he goes out too often. i think once a week is enough. it would be nice if he could stay close to you in the evenings, spend time with you and help you out. he must be a nice guy though to stick with you through your medical problem etc. so don't be too controlling but don't let him walk all over you either. good luck!

Answer 8

The most important thing for me is spending time with my friends, im sure that he just likes to hang out with his guy friends and watch the game. If he was going out all the time i would tell you to talk to him and ask him to spend some more time with you, but you said that he doesn't.

Answer 9

Just because you are sick doesnt mean he is. Yes he should still be able to go with his friends maybe not as much as he does. Talk to him and ask him to divide his time with you at home and his buddies at the bar, Good Luck !!

Answer 10

Talk to him about it, if you dont live together but he's taking more time going out than seeing you then i'd say it was insensitive. Especially as you are sick.