Today was a bad day. I know you'll say I deserve it and i'm ready for it so here goes. My guy friend (we've never had sex, just kissed once) and I were on hiatus. we did lunch for about a year. I realized I was falling for him so three months ago I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He was having problems with his wife on and off. He said let me do what I have to do. I accepted that. Fast forward, 3 mos later. Today he asked me to lunch. I hesitated, but was excited. I expected him to tell me he left her. When he didn't, I beat around the bush. I didn't want to flat out ask him. He got my hint and said I can't turn away from my kid. I asked him Are you letting me go and he said You think too much. I was like I think too much??? wtf does that mean? I told him you play mind games and he said I don't mean to. I don't understand. Why is he hanging on to me? we haven't been physical, so why won't he send me to hell? I can't stand this yo-yo stuff. I don't know what do say or do.
2007-01-12 13:09:26 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think I've seen anyone suggest this possibility yet, but have you ever thought about the idea that a man so weak that he'd rather have an emotional affair with you than confront the problems with his wife that would drive such behavior, that man would also be too weak to do anything difinitive about you? Look at him that way and maybe you'll find the strength to ditch him for good.
I don't think he's playing games...I just think he doesn't know how to man up with his relationships.
2007-01-12 15:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by You'll Never Outfox the Fox 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been exploring the affairs and the motivation of men--and such...reading a lot of books on the subject...why men cheat etc...
Statistically, he will never leave his wife. He only wants different, he doesn't want you. That is the cold hard truth. Affairs are extremely addictive for everyone involved. He will most of the time try not to be involved emotionally and just keep your relationship on a sexual scope. He doesn't want to give you up (It's really not you but the high he feels with you--the sexual charge, the feel good feelings, he feels attractive and wanted and he likes that.)
You need to be strong for yourself, and know that as long as you are attached to him you won't be able to find a man that you deserve, a man that cares about you...because your heart is tied up with him.
Affairs are started because there is some missing basic need that the other person has that is not being fulfilled by their wife...Sometimes it is on an emotional level sometimes, it is sexual, sometimes, it is travel and fun, or companionship, or touch.
2007-01-12 13:19:40 · answer #2 · answered by Missy Lyons 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You dont deserve it. He does playing games with you. For your own sake & his family too, stop seeing him. Once and for all. No meet-up, no phone calls at all. Its easier for you to move on if he get out from your life.
You know that its leading to nowhere & im glad you havent had sex w him. Stop it before its too late, else you will regret it the whole of your life
There are so many fish on the sea. Be happy, socialize more & be nice to other people. I assure you, soon you will get over him..then you will meet someone who is hotter, nicer, much more honest&..single.Then you will look back onto ur past & wondering why do you even fall for a married man on the first place.
2007-01-12 13:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by AlisonJonshon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that you do think too much. If I were you I would go on with my life. I wouldn´t wait around another minute if I were you. First of all because he is married and with a kid. That is a no-no from the beginning. Then if you do decide you want to be played with, once hes had enough with you and you get laid then believe me hes on to the next one. Hes hanging on to you since he hasn´t had it from you. Don´t let your yo-yo get tied to him it isn´t worth your time nor efforts. Believe me there are other men you just have to be patient enough to wait for the right one. Don´t go looking cause you will find what you don´t want under the ¨desprate notion¨ instead of under the ¨right one notion¨ Good luck with getting over him quick, its not going to be easy but it needs to be done.
2007-01-12 13:25:17 · answer #4 · answered by jaaaam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is hard for you because you two developed an emotional relationship/emotional affair. and you said you did kiss once.
I advise not to get involved w/him anymore even for lunch. he's still married and if you two end up having a full fledged affair, it'll end up hurting everyone.
What he wants is to have his cake and eat it too. true he probably has feelngs for you, but he is MARRIED. You don't need that do you? picture in your mind fastwarding if you two ended up together. He most likely won't leave his wife. They have way too much history together and yrs. together and any problems they have are shadowing right over the love that they have towards one another. If someone is angry w/their spouse it's easy for some to get real caught up in fantasies and not realize how much they love their spouse when anger gets in the way.
You don't need him, you don't need mind games. Tell him to go play w/someone else, or better yet to work on his marriage.
You deserve someone single,someone available if and when your ready for this. someone who can be yours only, and only yours.
tell him to leave u alone.
2007-01-12 13:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though it is up to you to end this,He is not going to.He is playing games but he is not going to tell you that.It is not that simple to get out of a marriage.He stands to lose a lot it he divorce her.So it would be more convenient to try to keep you and his wife,even though you too haven't done anything (yet).Now,if you don't want to be the other woman,you have to end it now and mean it.Stop the lunches,he asks you say no.You can't be a wimp when it comes to your heart.You'll get it broken every time.And don't wait for him to send you to hell,you send him to hell and leave him there.
2007-01-12 14:56:17 · answer #6 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to say anything?
Get on with your life. There are a lot of fish in the ocean. Move on and find someone who will devote himself to you.
When a person leaves a marriage, it doesn't mean he is leaving his kid as he put it. It's up to him to **** or get off the pot. (Pardon the expression). Either he is in a marriage or he is not.
As long as he is in it, you should stay away from him. If he wants out, all he has to do is leave and make sure the child knows that he will always love the child and be there for him or her.
Remember if he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you when your relationship gets stale.
Be good to yourself and move on.
2007-01-12 13:18:21 · answer #7 · answered by nellie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that he is holding to the hope that one day things will be right for you two to be together. I'm sure he loves you very much and wants nothing more than to have a relationship. He also understands that, being married, he's not free. For him, the situation probably isn't very simple. I'm sure your friendship is a wonderful and safe harbor in his life and he's trying to figure out a way to keep it and make it grow. If you believe in him and you have a wonderful friendship then leave it that way until his 'other' situation changes in your favor. Continue the lunches. Lunch partners are good for the soul.
2007-01-12 13:18:32 · answer #8 · answered by Rico Suave 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he is keeping u on the hook just in case he does leave his wife, so he will have someone, he can tell u are in love with him, he knows exactly how to play u, u need to make the decision not to hang on to him, unless u want to be unhappy. u are wasting time on this man who is married, when u should be concentrating on a future for yourself. he doesn't want u to think too much, if u did u might start to see how it really is with him. just go get a life, and not someone Else's life, even if he does leave her, are u ready for the karma that will come your way? no one ever thinks of the karma.
2007-01-12 13:25:23 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be playing mind games with you, but I doubt it, he is probably in love with you too....You know just because a man is married doesnt mean to say he is loving 2 women....Maybe he really is staying for the kid.....a lot of people do you know....its silly, but its not as simple, as just making a decision about what woman he wants....he is a stakeholder in this marriage and while he probably has lost feelings for his wife, it is going to take a lot for him to actually make that move. He is probably under a lot of stress at home too. I bet you think he could be using you, he isnt using you, he is getting a lot of pleasure from being with you obviously. Maybe stop analysing everything and just believe what he tells you. The yo-yo stuff....who is causing that, him or you? I dont think hes playing mind games with you, I think he is probably taking something for himself for once in his life. He most likely feels trapped in his situation and you are the only light in his life, apart from his child. He goes home to a wife he is not in love with and probably thinks about you all the time. You go home and you are as free as a bird....so who is using who. He is not hanging onto you, he genuinely cares about you and thats why he wants to be with you. Ok, he is married, and probably hasnt got the balls he was born with, but that doesnt make him a bad man. Its not the best situation to be in, but believe me, he is only hanging onto you because he knows you have feelings for him. If you didnt you wouldnt accept his invitations. Maybe you should just enjoy your time with him without putting strings on your friendship. Its the strings that are causing you to have all these expectations. Give him time, he will show you exactly where he wants to be. Once you know exactly what his situation is at home, you can either choose to believe him or not. You can end this at any time, so he is not hanging onto you. You are going willingly.
He may be married, but he is still a man, and a man with feelings, just like you and I. Maybe you need to start seeing this situation from his perspective and understand exactly what is going on. I am sure he would be relieved to talk about his situation in detail....Ask him questions so as to put your mind at ease. You have known him nearly 18 months, so you shouldnt need to beat around the bush. Be upfront with him, be open and honest and hopefully you will get the same in return. What you do with the information is totally up to you. Communication and more communication is the key. Get this thing out in the open, find out what his true feelings are, then you will be in a better position to decide what is really going on.
Take care
2007-01-12 13:30:06 · answer #10 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋