My son reccently let out the truth that he was abused since he was seven; I hit the roof and cussed him out, blew a gasket and told his father. Today he came home after one of his friends was looking for him. It was 9:00 and it is now 10:30. After much comforting, he is asleep, I apologized a milion times and said I believed him, but I still think he's mad at me. How do I make up lost time?
2007-01-12 12:39:45 · 20 answers · asked by Umm Me 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
he's 17
2007-01-12 12:50:18 · update #1
I'm an survivor of child abuse. For me, there was more than one abuser and more than one type of abuse. I did tell people and they chose not to believe me. My mother actually looked me in the eye and called me a liar. That was pretty upsetting for me; especially as a grown woman. And I told her that THAT was why I didn't tell her when I was a child.
Many years later people found out that I was telling the truth. Being told they were sorry for not listening to me or believing me did make me feel a little bit better. But it really was too little, too late.... if you know what I mean. Your son will get past the intial reaction. But he may be resentful about it later. Maybe even disappointed in you.
It takes a very long time for a child to learn that parents are fallible; most of their childhoods are spent believing they are not.. .
Your question does confuse me somewhat. Because you did not say who it was that abused him. Was it his father? Stepfather? (This was my case) An uncle? A grandfather? Or was it you? Your question implies that it could possibly be you. Whatever the case, you did fail to protect him from that abuser. THIS is what you'll need to make up for. And how?
Well, I'm reading a lot of answers given and wondering if any of them would work. Camping? Fishing? I don't think so..... I think some type of counseling is in order. At least a couple of sessions in order to get a dialogue going. Fresh air heals and that's what's called for. That young man took the risk in telling what his problem is. Now the abuse it'self needs to be addressed. He needs to know that it wasn't his fault; that nothing he said or did caused the abuse to occur. So, in my honest opinion, if you really love him and want to make up for lost time.... set up the counseling sessions and attend them with your son. Help him get passed it and to heal the wounds. He will become a healthier and happier adult as a result. THIS is how you make it up to him
I hope your son will get all of the help he needs and all the love you can give him. There is a bright future ahead of him..... He just needs some time to see it now.
Peace and best of luck to him and to you.
2007-01-12 13:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by Brenda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you freak out? Why did you cuss at him? He was being honest and you blew it... big time. There is nothing you can do now except show him you are sorry and get him any help he needs. My sister was molested as a kid and I think my mom did a wonderful job of being a mother. When she found out she called the abuser (my real dad) and said she knew. She said he better not be in the house when we got home. He was NEVER back in the house and she made sure he went to jail for what he did. She never once told my sister she didn't believe her or anything like that. Now all you can do is wait for him to forgive you for doing what he figured you would do or he would have told you back when he was 7. See he was right huh?
2007-01-12 12:47:04 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Always Right 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You over-reacted. It happens. You can't really take that back. All you can do is what you did already. And that is a lot. He knows your there for him now. Even if he's mad at you, he'll probably get over it. When I told my mom I was pregnant, she did the same thing. She even made me cry, which is hard. Then she got over it within a day, just like you. Now we laugh about it. Not saying you and your son will laugh about something like this, but you get the point.
I'm sure you feel guilty enough about your son being molested. Don't add to your guilt. Learn from what you did, understand why you blew up like that and then make a concious decision to put it behind you.
2007-01-12 12:47:21 · answer #3 · answered by Rairia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off let him know you love him and care about him, and that you are there to help him in every way you can and that he can feel comfortable to talk to you about what happened when he wants to. Do not force him to talk about things right away. He's probably not mad at you he is more than likely just very upset and confused at this point, you just need to be there to comfort him and love him. As for making up lost time, that's impossible to do. You can only move on from today and work through the problems in the past and ensure him that you will not let anyone hurt him again. Most importantly let him know that its not his fault. Part of what your seeing from him now is he feels guilt, ashamed, and upset. Give him all the love and attention that you can, and realize its not going to get 100% better overnight, it can take many years for a child to get over their trauma.
2007-01-13 16:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by Bill S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you make up for lost time? You probably can't. Where were you when he was being abused? Don't think that you can erase it. It can't be erased. The only thing you can do is start being and continue to be a stabilizing force in your son's life. Next time be around to supervise and see what is happening. Children MUST be protected from predators.
2007-01-12 12:46:39 · answer #5 · answered by Karen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your out burst was out of fear and your feelings of inadequacy for not preventing it. I'm sorry. It's hard on you, too... your passion is clearly spelled out that you love your son.
Please go to a family counseling center and see if your situation qualifies for their services. If not, see if insurance covers a therapist, not to be confused with a psychiatrist as they'll just offer freakin' pills...
But, a real honest to goodness councilor who will give you and your son a place to talk without judgment would be a great place to start.
The intervention will not only make up for lost time, but will save you a lot of time.
2007-01-12 12:46:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really can't make that up. He'll remember it like that, and you shouldn't have reacted that way. Give him time is all I can say, and do not let his father near him, (I figure he's the abuser), take the abuser to court most likely at least then your son can understand you believe him and care about him.
2007-01-12 12:43:51 · answer #7 · answered by curiosityreincarnated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no way to gain back lost time every second wasted can never again be made, but you Can make the time you have better, be kind and careful never to swear or curse in frount of him, Take him some where fun and tell him how much you love him, remember do not say something you will regret, because everyone remembers the terrible moments=)
2007-01-12 12:46:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How can you be his father then say you are going to tell his father?The story sounds phony---If the story was true you would be talking about how many years the bad guy recieved and what kind of help (your)?son was getting something is wrong here.
2007-01-12 12:57:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Find out who abused him, then get that person, douse them in petrol, and burn them to death, that is all those filthy, mongrel child-molesters deserve. Why should you pay for vermin like them to rot in jail, they will never be rehabilitated.
Love your son to death, and always be there for him when he needs you, children are precious.
2007-01-14 07:17:22 · answer #10 · answered by Ronnix1960 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋