17 years together and I need help with this one - MY STORY?

Question

I have been married for 15, together for 17. Many years ago, my husband talked about haveing a 3 some. I never gave in, until one time. It happened, and it was OK. He then decided to cross the line and have an affair with the same woman. I got over it. Now years later, he wanted it again and I knew that. In Sept. 06, he came to me one night and told me that he had been cheating. I will add, one of the reasons he told me was because she was married and her husband had a GPA and new where they were the second time. Besides, she got home at 1am. He told me the whole story, and she agreed, she advanced him and he gave in, because (excuse) he was stressed out about our financial status. they had sex 2x after she got out of work. They both worked nights. First time, unplanned, just happened, 2nd planned. He also told me that he was wanting it to be the 3 of us. Now, 3 months later, he changed his schedule so the days she works nights, he works days. They are still in contact

via email/phone during her work hrs. They tell each other they love one another still. He tells me this. He also tells me that he loves me more and she will never be more to him than I am. I am thankful that he is honest with me, but how am I supposed be when he says he loves her. I am a firm believe in not giving up, it is easier to walk way than to stay and make things work. But for how long. He tells me not to be angry with her, he was the one who should have stopped it and he didn't, but it takes two. Sometimes he will even say that it's my fault because of the 3some thing. I have a hard time believing that. I am so confused and somtimes I just want to make him feel what I am feeling. Is that wrong for wanting him to feel the same way. Than you for taking the time to read my story.

I have to add, the 3 some took place about 8 years ago, and have not done since then. I have no intentions on that.

Answer 1

I feel bad for you. Your life sounds more complcated than many of us will ever know.
You don't sound like you want to give up your marriage Sweetie, and if you want to forgive your husband for his indiscretions, that's your choice. It happens all the time and many people have commented that an affair within their marriage has actually made the marriage stronger. I hope this is the case with you.
But in order for it to work, I feel strongly that he MUST give up contact with the other woman. I don't think your husband is in love with her so much as infatuated...it doesn't sound like he really even knows her that well. But in order to get over whatever it is he thinks he feels for her, communication must stop.
If he refuses, ask him to go for counseling with you...and if that doesn't happen, you might want to see about a trial separation. He just might realize what really matters to him if you're gone.
But please...don't just tolerate his behavior. It's too degrading to YOU and could leave permanent scars. Lay it on the line, and hopefully he'll think twice and shape up...and best of luck to you Sweetie.

Answer 2

I really feel for you and after reading your adds l would suggest you leave him and start a new life with someone who will fully love you and you only. Perhaps you were wrong to, having a threesome was a big mistake but what's done is done, you can't go back. You may love him and want to make it work but l don't believe for one minute that you would ever be able to trust this man. He has openly and honestly told you of his love for this other woman also, so how could you ever believe that he would be totally yours. The fact that they still contact each other is a real concern and l don't believe that will ever change. Move on and don't make the same mistakes with your next relationship. True love is and always will be between 2 people never 3. I wish you the best of luck in finding true love and happiness.

Answer 3

The threesome thing is were you went wrong. You let him get away with being unfaithful once and now he is doing it over and over again.He isn't going to stop anytime soon either.Because he knows that you will let him get away with it.You need to quite allowing him to do this to you.Put you foot down and tell him if he ever does it again he is going to get served with divorce papers.Leave no room for him to try to put a spin on things.Or he will try to convince you that it was somehow your fault.I to have been with my husband for 17 years and married 15 of them.My husband never even attempted to cross that line.I made it quite clear to him when we were dating that I would never allow a man to disrespect me in anyway weather it be by cheating,hitting,or lying.I know from experience that if you don't command respect from them from the word go.They will find ways to walk all over you.I love my husband more than anything (except my son)and if he walked in the door right now and told me he had an affair.His butt would be out the door.And first thing Monday morning I would be hiring an divorce attorney.I personally believe that their is no way you can claim to love someone and cheat on them.If you loved that person the last thing you would want to do is hurt them.Good Luck I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

You have the lowest self worth and esteem I've seen in a very long time. You did a threesome, your husband bangs the other woman on the side and you condone it?

Yes, condone it because you are letting him get away with this. The threesome was one thing, you all agreed. But this tryst he's having sounds like some skank crap. You need to show some degree of intestinal fortitude and tell him stop or he has to walk.

Now, if you're the type into humiliation, more power to ya and peace to your little nation.

Answer 5

u r a fool for giving in in the first place u opened up a can of worms that now after seveteen yrs. u want advice on what to do about his cheating ways. A leopard can never change it's spots and niether can a zebra change it's stripes but like both u can only blend in and forgive his ways everytime he cheats or leave him if u r tired of his ways but u loaded the gun and gave him an easy target now u want to make it harder on him why for ur own selfish ideas or feelings? Give it up he's not going to stop so u r hooked.

Answer 6

You have to be really strong in your relationship to attempt a threesome. Plus all parties must really want it and be willing to do it. Forcing someone to do anything in a relationship isn't healthy. I have many friends who have had threesomes and broke up because of it. It is hard to share your partner with someone else.

He has cheated on you with two women that you know of and probably wont stop. So if you like sharing your man with other people then stay. After 17years he should respect you, your marriage, and your home. If it was me and I wanted to work it out I would make him go to marriage counseling with me and try to piece back together our relationship.
It is really up to you but you have to have so dignity and stand up for yourself. If you keep letting him disrespect you and your marriage you will probably loss all respect for yourself and may end up with something penicillin can get rid of if you know what I am saying. He could also leave you for someone someday to so it is really a lose-lose situation.

Answer 7

option 1 - agree to the 3-way = no more problems
option 2 - let him continue with what he's doing = no problems
option 3 - tell him stop and stick with you = he has problem
option 4 - ask the other guy sot hat you'll have a 4 -way = everybody happy.....

on that note - hey...you have a lot of choices, they're endless, you can even cut his pen is and display it on a jar....you can also call me so i can join in on the fun....lol

whatever you do though, someone has to suffer - we cannot satisfy everybody at the same time.....maybe unless it's a 4-some....haiiiii, dios mio

Answer 8

I would divorce his a**.Yes he is being honest with you and that is a good thing.But if he'e cheating with this woman, how do you know he's not cheating with others?He's telling this woman he loves her?? Sorry but that is ridiculious! You need someone who will only love you. 3somes are not a bad thing. But it is bad when one of ya'll starts having an affair afterwards.Chances are he was having an affair before the 3some!

Answer 9

have ur cake and eat it comes 2mind y should u put up with this ur 2 good ur not a child u know what 2 do tell him how u feel its her or u 1 or other dont let him walk all over u stand up 4 urselfis he good 2 u i think not y have enemys when u got friend like that but its more than friends hes ur man soul mate i think let her have him and find urs listen 2 urself u know more than me be brave u will come out the otherside truts me and ur feelings go 4 it dont let him get away with it ur 2 good listen 2 urself u know what i mean its all up 2 u good luck

Answer 10

you mean, GPS: Global Positioning System
GPA: grade point average

And what is your question? Should you have another 3 way? Well, that's up to you. Are you attracted to her? Would he be interested in the 3 way if you brought another man to be with the 2 of you?
Or, are you willing to contact STD's and be his Doormat?
your husband sounds like a jerk. divorce him.