I have been married for four almost five years. About 2 years ago his mother moved in. I love my husband but cant take it anymore. She argues all the time. Tries to tell me how to raise my kids when hers was took away from her. Wont do nothing for herself, like she wont turn the washer on, the stove, or nothing. When i try to go somewhere she gripes then when i am somewhere she rushes me because she wants to come back home. But wont stay at home by herself. Thats just the tip of the iceberg. I cant take it what should i do.???
2007-01-12
11:28:27
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13 answers
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asked by
anonymous
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have told my husband that i feel like leaving because of her and he just says ignore her.
2007-01-12
11:42:45 ·
update #1
He also tries the guilt trip. Says if you love me you wont leave. What to do????
2007-01-12
11:45:25 ·
update #2
I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR ANSWERS AND I HAVE TOLD HIM, EVERYBODY HAS TOLD HIM. SHE WONT LISTEN IF YOU TELL HER. HE GETS MAD IF I BRING IT UP. BUT HE WONT STICK AROUND TO SEE WHAT SHE DOES. HES ONLY HERE WHEN ITS TIME TO SLEEP OR EAT AND THATS IT. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
2007-01-12
12:07:17 ·
update #3
You really should just tell him. I can understand his wanting to take care of his mother and believe that he's justified in doing that.....just not at the expense of his family. And make no mistake, you two and your kids are know his main family. His mother is his secondary family to the three of you, no disrespect. Hopefully he will understand that she has to leave for the good of all involved. After reading your newest comments I think it's pretty clear that you should leave. Not permanent, but maybe if you do it'll finally open his eyes. Good luck to you.
2007-01-12 11:39:51
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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It would be really nice if the answer were a clear cut one, but that's just not life. The first and foremost thing you have to do is communicate with your husband. You are not asking him to throw her in the street or leaver her to the wolves, but something has got to give in order for your relationship to work. The solution will be a compromise, but one will have to be reached. Raising a family and marriage are hard enough tasks without the intervention of other family members. If you can't do it alone, get help. Counselors can open the lines of communication or even members of your church. The main point is you have to talk to him, and don't take "there's no other way" as an answer. His mother needs to be taken care of but so does your marriage. Good luck to you and your family.
2007-01-12 19:37:00
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answer #2
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answered by mel 1
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tell him that you married him not his mother and that if he wants to be with her so bad then be with her that you are not willing to put up with his mother like this....you should not have to because he is suppose to be an adult not a titty baby...... I would give him the choice and turn the tables with if you loved me you would explain to your mom she needs to go home and that she is destroying his marriage. I wouldn't let her think she can get a way with it, stand firm on your ground and tell her you don't appreciate her coming into your home and making a mess of your life. Tell her you married her son and that it isn't fair for her to come in and act the way she is. Good luck.
2007-01-12 20:27:56
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answer #3
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answered by blueigurl34 3
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I think that you need to address this problem with your husband in private. Let him know how she is affecting you this way. Do this calmly and be polite about it. Who ever decided on this decision to let her stay with you two, was a huge mistake made. I know that she is your husband's mother, but she has no right to tell you what needs to be done, how to raise your children, etc....this is your home and your kids. She basically doesn't have respect for all of you in your own home.
For her to have this type of behavior, has to stop or she is out. She is out of control on her controlling your household. I am surprised that your husband hasn't done anything to relieve the pain that she is putting you through. She doesn't have respect for you or for her son. If she did, she wouldn't be acting like the way she does.
Now, if she is acting like this in front of your kids, then she needs to be told to stop, but in private. Because when she behaves like this in front of the kids, both of you are teaching your kids, that it is okay to behave like this, And you both know that this bahavior is not tolerated in the house. (good teaching too)
So, now that it has been two years since her being there, and your husband hasn't done anything to solve this....then it is time for her to move out. He needs to tell her that this is not working and he can also help her find an appartment somewhere or seek some aid for her if she is an elderly. But, do what it takes to get her out. Your family does not need to go through this and especially when it is causing so much drama in the house.
Your husband needs to know that she is a bad influence to your kids. He needs to stand up to her, be a man about it, and stick up for you. And after he does this, tell him thank you hunny, and then give him a big hug! You two have your own family to raise now!
2007-01-12 19:52:14
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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i believe we teach others how to treat us, by accepting the stuff we shouldn't. if u can no longer take it, and he won't find her a place of her own, u need to stand firm, don't let him lay any guilt trip on u, just pack up and go. if he doesn't clean up this mess and your marriage is over than so be it. better to live alone than with someone who drives u nuts, and stresses u out. if u can't count on your hubby to make your life good, and listen to u, than leave him, absolutely leave him. don't allow him to get by with it, if u do u will have the old bat in your home forever. why can't she get her ow apartment and move out.
2007-01-12 20:36:55
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answer #5
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answered by jude 7
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You could always pull out the old age saying from the bible about a man leaving his father and mother and cleaving to his wife.
Matthew 19:5
Other than that, just tell her that you would perfer to live your own life and that she needs to live hers.
Good luck with you mother in law....
hey you could always find her a boyfriend...
2007-01-12 20:23:50
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answer #6
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answered by MOMMY585 5
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We are currently living with my husband's parents to save for a house, it totally sucks. They always try to tell us how to raiser our kids etc. I think your mother-in-law needs to live somewhere else, it will definitely be a strain on your marriage if she stays....be honest with your husband. Good luck
2007-01-12 19:35:48
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answer #7
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answered by Stephanie H 2
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sweetie leave when he gets home. have dinner ready so you can just walk out the door.let him feed her and sit with her for a while. to help your soul go to bible study or shopping. it doesn't matter what church. you are there to ask god and his son to give you strength to put up with her and him. good luck.
2007-01-12 20:38:17
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Tell your husband she has to go. Get her a nice duplex or nusrsing home. If he won't do it then find yourself an apartment!
2007-01-12 19:33:24
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answer #9
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answered by mom of twins 6
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ship her off to an old folks home
2007-01-12 19:32:05
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answer #10
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answered by david d 3
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