How do I reconcile my feelings of hurt over my fiance's request for a prenup?

Question

He has a new practice and has requested that I not have access to that in the event I file for divorce for any reason other than infadelity. In turn if he files for divorce for any reason other than infidelity my interest in the firm would be community property as indicated by state law. We both have children from previous marriages but that is not a factor. His business is only 1 year old but will prove to be worth a large sum of money. I just graduated from college and am at an impass in my career as I had to leave my position in order to be with HIM. We have different experiences from divorce and this is his motivating factor for asking for such. My answer is yes. I'll sign, I don't care about the firm or money I love him. But for some reason I feel terribly hurt and alone. I can't talk to anyone with any sense of perspective or that wouldn't have negative feelings about him. I agree with the practicality of it yet the concept actually makes me feel betrayed. How do I get over it?

Answer 1

he is not betraying u, he has most likely been through some rather bad things, he wants to protect his as setts, in the case of infidelity, if u divorce for any other reason it will ot affect your getting benefits. he has been terribly hurt in the past, don't take it personal, once bitten u always have it in the back of your mind, if it could happen again. he doesn't want to be played for the fool, and loose everything he has worked for because someone decides they want someone else. can see his point in not wanting someone who betrays his love to reap any benefits.

Answer 2

Honestly, I truly do think it is most important that you speak with him concerning such. It is difficult to be asked to due such a thing I am completely understanding of that, yet I also see his side of things, as the world is unfortunately an unfriendly place much of the time. A few things you should consider before talking to him is one: why would be need me to do this? two: if he has has apoor experience in a past divorce is this affecting? and three: in the future, if something happens, will I still be stable fiancially and able to support myself. I do think it is very important you inform him about how you feel. You are marrying this man, and he has every right, as well as you do, to be heard and understood. It is most important that you feel comfortable in this relationship, and that there is no distrust and discontent. BUt first once again, I would decide what it is you want to talk to him about, or why he might be doing this, and then speak with him. You can tell him that you're not against this idea at all, but alittle hurt and if he could just better explain this to you that way you can have abetter understanding for his actions as you have a right to, and for self-comfort once again. Good luck with everything, and most important, do not forget to keep up communicating with someone! =]

Answer 3

Well, I have some experience with situations like this. I've been married twice. My first husband was a very successful professional. He was older. I was just out of college. He insisted
he loved me but wanted a prenup. It seemed okay and practical,
at first. I loved him. I trusted him. I believed what he said.
I signed the prenup and married him.
That was the worse mistake of my life. We went on our honeymoon. (I hadn't found a job, yet. I had no money of my own.) I needed some medication. Asked him for money for it.
He said no way. His money was his money. He didn't have to buy me anything ever, legally, he said due to the prenup.
I had to borrow money from my parents for everything I needed
(including my half of the bills (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.), until I got another job. Eventually, when I could afford it, I hired a lawyer. I took the prenup to him. He said it was a pretty standard one that he'd seen a lot. He said most prenups are
just a way for abusers to obtain legal leverage and more control over their spouse/victim. He said there wasn't much I could do about the prenup because I had signed it voluntarily. I felt pretty much the way you do, now, then. But, I stayed with my husband.
Tried to work it out. That was another mistake. He became physical and verbally abusive and even more controlling.
I finally got out of the situation and left and divorced him.
Any man that says he loves you is lying, if he asks you for a prenup (same thing with a woman asking a man for one). Real,
lasting, love is built on a solid foundation of TRUST despite one's past experiences. Insisting on a prenup does not indicate complete trust in one's future spouse. It basicly is a way of saying "I've been hurt. I want to be with you, but I am never going to trust you completely with my assets, my money, (or my heart.)
Sign this so I can get back at you and hurt you, legally, the way others have hurt me in the past for no reason whatsoever if I want to.

Answer 4

Sit down and construct your own prenup for him to sign.

It's not something you need to feel vindictive about or as a means to make it even as much as it is to clear your mind of concerns you have, but haven't legally spoken up about.

Everyone has fears going into marriage, but jot them down and then he'll know your feelings (as you already know his) and through it all maybe a compromise can come out of it.

There's one guy I know that had a prenup where his wife stated if they ever buy a dog, she gets it if they get divorced. Six years later they had a dog (for a couple years) and they ended up going through divorce. She got the dog and he's still bugged by it - 3 years later!

Anyway, odd things can happen and to some it's frightening and to others it's just reality.

Good luck!

Answer 5

If he has started a new business, you want a prenup... and make sure that none of your property can be considered asset in the event of a failure.
It would be great if marriage could be only about love and not business, but unfortunately, it's usually about both. A prenup under any circumstances can save a lot of headaches later, even without a divorce it sets boundaries for both to follow.

Answer 6

Considering the number of marriages that end in divorce, he’s doing the smart thing. The terms sound completely acceptable. Basically, as long as you don’t cheat on each other, you end up with whatever is allowed under state law. As I’m sure you have no intention of cheating on him, there’s no reason for you to feel threatened by that. Have your own attorney review it before you sign.

Answer 7

You can't.

Marriage is by all purposes a legal contract. Prenups have the innocuous ability to transform a marriage from a romantic notion to a business contract.

It's more than likely, all that romance swirling in your psyche disappears never to come back the moment the paper is signed.

Answer 8

Well, he has been burned or have seen other men being taken to the cleaners. The law is in favour of the woman on this when the husband works and she does not, that way she actually gets more out of him. believe it or not. You love the guy, you sign. Then you make sure that you do all you can to advance your carrier and make your own cash. Make sure you add in the prenup that every penny YOU make is YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. That way, you will feel better. Make sure to make use of your education, who knows, you might end up making triple money then him.

Answer 9

i say you two need to agree on the circumstances of the prenup and sign. do you see how nasty all these divorces are? make it easier on you two. dont feel betrayed cause nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce. you are not setting yourself up for divorce. you are just protecting both of you INCASE you have a divorce to keep it from being so nasty

Answer 10

I think it's wrong you're setting your selves up for a divorce, i'm engaged if my fiance asked me for one i would leave him because that just shows me that he feels there's a chance it won't work out....email me if you need someone to vent to or talk to it's on my profile