What do you think of my poem I just wrote..Please be sincere I am not sensitive... =]
One peddle…The others have fallen…
One peddle…hidden within a stone…
One peddle…yearns for the day the missing will sprout…
One peddle…Rain pores…
One peddle…Soaked, cold, & forgotten...
One peddle…Clouds spread, it’s days feel dead..
One peddle…Slowly a small shine appears from the south..
One peddle…it is but just a crack of warm light..
One peddle…Lays beneath the dark stone…
One peddle…Knowing what’s across that little crack..
One peddle…Dreams of the day it was once surrounded near the other peddles.
One peddle…Would give anything to feel the life of that day just once more before it shrivels up & dies..
One peddle…Feels nothing but the weight of the stone, nothing more…
One peddle…Shrivels bit by bit, till there is nothing left but tiny pieces of peddles.
One peddle...Till this day lays below that cold stone…that never moves…Even with the gust of wind it doesn’t nudge an inch…
2007-01-12 10:49:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
are you refering to the loss of a friend? i think you are. remember this To each day as time grows near, ones fallen to the appathies of another. in this i do say time heals all scars. one darkith day only derives from the brightest dawn..it too will come back to you. www.myspace.com/jimmycody
2007-01-12 10:58:49 · answer #1 · answered by www.myspace.com/jimmycody 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... I don't really know what you're talking about when you say "peddle..." You also have a couple of spelling and grammar issues.
Personally, I don't like it particularly. It's kind of trite.
Try only keeping the first "peddle" and taking out the rest of them.
It could get better with a little work. Talk to me if you want any more suggestions.
2007-01-12 23:16:07 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very creative!! I think this poem has possibilities!!
2007-01-12 18:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very interesting indeed, good work be creative and run with it.
2007-01-12 18:55:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
uh...do you mean petal instead of peddle?
2007-01-12 21:40:28 · answer #5 · answered by Snowblower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good, i'm not really good at writing poems, so i think anything is okay.
2007-01-12 19:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by Hayla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it long but it is also very good.
2007-01-12 20:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by beautiful me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
different, but that just means that your coming from a unexpected direction....keep it up!
2007-01-12 18:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's emotional....and deep....I got it, it's emotionally deep.
I like it, keep writing.
2007-01-12 18:55:46 · answer #9 · answered by ^_^ ♥ §atsuki_☼ushiza ♥ ^_^ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok its in between but so far for me no
2007-01-12 19:01:15 · answer #10 · answered by Stefani M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋