My fiance ended our relationship around Christmas and since then I know she has been hurting but not showing it. She is very guarded about her feelings and did not communicate much with me when she broke off. I have been devastated and even though I have given her the space she asked for and not contacted her, feel that I truly love her and want us to get back together. People tell me to move on but my heart tells me to stay put...I believe that she truly does love me. Should I hope, should I contact her, should I pursue this longing, every growing feeling in my heart that we should be together? I read a couple of entries on her online blog that tells me that she is struggling as well...but is she struggling with loneliness or her love for me and losing it? How do I find out...should I ask her and tell her how I feel right now?
2007-01-12 10:37:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sometimes true love means you have to let go. Pretty hard if you don't really understand why! Not knowing the details of your relationship I would suggest your best option is to write her a letter. A letter gives you time and space to organize your thoughts and review what you think before it's blurted out of your mouth. I would talk to her about finding closure in your heart and the need, as a human being, to understand the thoughts behind her actions. It's just as important for your future to recognize what failed and why.
She could truly be struggling for reasons outside of your relationship or just fear of the commitment. Whatever her reasons she should be respectful enough to share them in her explanation.
My advice, don't call, send a letter.
2007-01-12 11:06:13 · answer #1 · answered by Blood 1 · 7⤊ 2⤋
So sorry for your pain, truly. BUT...if your fiance` is the one who ended the relationship, she needs to be the one asking to restart it. You contacting her (and adding more guilt and pain) to the mix would not help.
Consider this: If you do end up getting married, you will be together the rest of your life, so giving her this time to get her head on straight is a good investment. If she truly moves on, at least you know for sure that she is not the one for you.
I am not clear whether you and your fiance` broke up in the heat of the moment or after she had given it long, deep thought. Regardless, for now, it is natural for you both to be grieving your loss. I would not assume that means she wants to get back together. Let her sort this out.
Best of luck. I hope it works out the way you want it to. The bottom line is that you know yourself and fiance and we don't, so do what makes the most sense and you will be okay.
2007-01-12 10:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 7⤊ 2⤋
Nope, you're vulnerable right now. Nobody likes drastic and instant change like that and you're still adjusting to it. Getting back together with her is the WORST thing you could do at this point since you'd be getting together in an altered state of mind. Its no different than a girl sleeping with a guy when she's drunk. Its an altered state of rationality and consciousness.
Your friends are your brain right now. You are thinking solely with your heart since its broken. Its a deep cut and you're thinking of nothing but how to heal it. Time heals all wounds brother, you devote time to your heart's recovery, but don't make a move to get back together with her until that wound is healed, else you'll never know if you truly love her or if you're just looking for a band-aid to put on your broken heart. You're thinking 100% with your emotions, so listen to your friends and family, let them act as your rationality for awhile. You'd do the same to help them out of the same situation, let them do it for you. Or you rob them of the pleasure one feels when one is capable of helping a friend.
Get out there and do something you could never do while you were with her. Go do something you maybe wanted to do, but were too nervous to bring up around her. Go wild, splurge a little bit and spend too much money on yourself for a day you'll really enjoy. It does wonders once you realize that you deserve the best and you actually have the cajones to give yourself the best.
2007-01-12 10:44:55 · answer #3 · answered by Takfam 6 · 6⤊ 3⤋
What was her reasoning for breaking up? Maybe it's a good thing... someone who is guarded with her feelings and didn't have the respect to even explain the reasons with you might not be the best spouse.
If I were you, I would stay back and let her miss you for awhile. You might shoot her an email or call her just to say hi and ask how she's doing, but really she owes you an explanation. If she loves you she'll give you one.
2007-01-12 10:42:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
She is obviously very hurt by all of this and needs time to heal... You are right to give her her space ..... Go with your heart and do what you feel is right... If after six months to a years time she is not ready to give you another chance then by all means move on if at all possible.... You may want to talk with her and ask her how she feels about things. A;plogize to her for anything you may have done to have hurt you and ask her to forgive you... Why did she end the relationship if i may ask?
2007-01-12 10:46:24 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 7⤊ 2⤋
heavy heart, your name caught my attention and saddened me. i think you have given her enough time to at least talk to you now. maybe she can't explain why she broke it off but you do deserve some kind of input. i also think you should stay put. you don't want to rush into anything right now while you are grieving. i probably would send her a card, and ask if she is ready to talk. if you don't get back together just treat yourself to what you are feeling. it's ok. it's good. it's a loss and needs to be treated as such. for a while. then, remind yourself that we can not see the bigger picture, or can not always understand god's plans for us. you will start to see the positives. your strong. your perfectly capable of going it alone, and you can accomplish whatever you really want to. in your quiet moments you will hear what to do. as they say, just do it. god bless you .my prayers are with you as you grieve
2007-01-12 11:19:11 · answer #6 · answered by annilori 2 · 7⤊ 2⤋
if u think she still loves u, than yes i would go to her, tell her what is truly in your heart, resolve the problems u may be having, even take the blame for whatever, if u love her it doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong does it? get in touch soon as there is always the possibility another will come into her life, and if her emotions are fragile now, and she is feeling sad, it wouldn't take much to start up a new relationship with someone else, if only for emotional support.
2007-01-12 11:16:44 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 5⤊ 4⤋
Honest, open, communication would be the resolution to this situation. You could write a letter. Find out the ROOT of the problems that were in the relationship. Only then will you have peace of mind. Your life should always be filled with hope.
2007-01-12 10:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by gigimusic3 1 · 6⤊ 3⤋
You need to explain exactly what happened between you and her because I am lost. She is guarding her feelings for a reason, why I do not know. I think you should tell her how you feel now and you should ask her if she still has feelings. There is no other way to know. I think you should pursue your feelings, because it sounds like it is tearing you apart not to.
2007-01-12 10:49:00 · answer #9 · answered by christinedaae 3 · 6⤊ 3⤋
well it seems like she is going through some things and its probalry good that it was broke off since she dosent know how to communicate with you and that is so sad but i think that you should most definatly tell her your feelings and ask her why she did it and that you can move on, but in the meantime you just try and mend that broken heart of yours and you stay strong:)
2007-01-12 10:44:51 · answer #10 · answered by brown_eyedgurl22 2 · 6⤊ 3⤋