A girl that I slept with nine months ago recently gave birth to a baby girl two days ago. Thing is, I hadn't talked to this girl in eight months prior to her telling me last week that the baby was due any day now. She claims that I'm the father, I want to believe her but I know too many people who have been in situations where they find out months and years later that the child isn't theirs. Due to their situations, and the fact that I haven't talked to this girl in months before she gave birth, I asked for a paternity test. She agreed, but is still trying to pressure me to take an active role in the baby's life. I went and saw the child yesterday, and will go visit and spend time with her in the near future, but I refuse to contribute moneywise to the situation until I know for sure the child is mine. I am getting constant pressure from her and her family because of my stance. What should I do?
2007-01-12 10:16:52 · 17 answers · asked by Brooks A 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Don't let them make you feel guilty. Due to the circumstances (her waiting to the last minute to tell you she's pregnant and ready to pop), you have 100% right to first demand a paternity test.
Plus you're doing the smart thing, cause if years down the road after playing daddy and it turns out not to be your child, you could still be legally forced to pay for it.
2007-01-12 10:28:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
have found out that in most states, she can't MAKE you pay anything or have a court order unless it is indeed confirmed that you are the father. i'm sure this is really hard, but know a girl who actually said that a child was someones when it wasn't (and she knew this, but he was more ''reliable'' and the ACTUALLY father and her broke up, so went to someone else.) which is beyond messed up. i also dont think it was very mature of her not to tell you before hand. i mean she did have 9 months to do so.... my advice would be get the test done asap so you know for sure instead of thinking the ''what if's''. my husband and i used DDC (http://www.dnacenter.com) because he's in the marines.... so we needed to know for sure to have them go through every thing and be covered under them.. it's a lot less expensive than most places for paternity testing, plus gets you the results pretty quick (at most 5 days). you can have it done today, just look at the site, call the number, and set up an appointment. easy as that.
i'm sure its hard to be in this situation, and wish you the best. but it would be extremely hard on you to get attached to the baby and in the end find out it isn't yours. so my advice would be just get the testing done asap. and take it from there. glad you are a man about it though, even though you aren't sure. most guys wouldn't. so definitely respectable. wish you the best, and if the child is indeed yours, congrats!!
2007-01-12 10:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by ricleigh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont blame you for being wary, that is fair enough. For now it is fair to see the baby at least every few days because if this little girl turns out to be yours, you will want to have spent this time with her. They really do grow fast so dont miss this precious newborn time with what could be your daughter. Contribute financially from the time you find out the paternity results. Till then, a few outfits or something won't hurt as a gift will it? Tell her family this is what you are willing to do, to spend time with the child until you get the paternity results and that you would appreciate not being pressured about being there more til that time. Good luck mate.
2007-01-12 10:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're doing the right thing. You just found out last week that you could potentially be a father. I think it's important that you spend time with the baby, in case she is yours, because you will never get that time back again.
Take that paternity test ASAP, because babies do cost a lot of money, and I'm sure she could use a hand financially. How about buying a pack of dipers or something, just as a token of your committment to the baby.
Good luck...
2007-01-12 10:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by naenae0011 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing by taking the test to see if the baby is yours. " BUT" how do you feel towards the baby? Does the baby look like you? do you and her respond to each other?
If they " The parents and the mother are looking for money from you, Don't give it to them. If you must do anything untill the test results are in. You buy the baby things like diapers and such. Be sure to make it known that it is a gift not an admonition.
I hope this helps.
2007-01-12 10:30:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by going to see the baby. I would tell this girl that after the test comes back positive that you will start giving her child support and be a presence in your child slife but right now you feel it would be too hard for you to start biulding a bond with a child that you dont know 100% is yours. Tell her that you want to get the test done immediatly so that you know for sure and can start helping her out financially and start getting to you know your baby girl. Hope this helps. Take Care.
2007-01-12 10:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait for the paternity tests before making financial commitments. Just tell the girl and her family that you will contribute as soon as you have the results and are positive that this is your child.
Be prepared to pay arrears once you find out.
In the meantime, wouldn't you be kind and gentle to any baby?
Just love the baby for being a baby - whether she's yours or not. Love given isn't love lost. It's love added.
2007-01-12 10:26:39 · answer #7 · answered by flywho 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time have protected sex.
For now though, do whatever you feel like doing. If the test comes back and you are the father, then financially you will be bound to the child for the next 18 years. Emotionally, you'll do what you want. Just remember, the child did not ask to be here.
2007-01-12 10:22:10 · answer #8 · answered by kathy059 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're doing the right thing in asking for a paternity test. If it turns out that you are the father, it will be important for that child to have a father in her life.
If you don't want to be involved, can you sign off parental rights? If not, it's a tough lesson on protected sex, especially with someone you are not committed to.
2007-01-12 10:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by Searcher 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get that test done. The sooner the better. That way if it is your child you can let yourself bond with the baby. As far as contributing to the baby's care, maybe help with diapers at the very least. If it turns out that the child is yours, believe me she will use not helping out against you.
2007-01-12 10:23:04 · answer #10 · answered by zinntwinnies 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋