I have been having an affair with another woman now for 6 months. My wife and I have been married for 4 years and have been together for almost 8. Although I love her I know in my heart that I'm not in love with her and am not sexually attracted to her. I have not felt this way for a very very long time now. We have two children together a boy 2.5 years and a girl just born. I don't want to hurt the kids but I also want to be happy. There is no passion, no sparks and no intimacy. I am deeply in love with the other woman and the sex is better than with any other woman I have ever had. She's worried I wont be the right man for her due to my financial responsibilities but she says she loves me dearly. What should I do?
2007-01-12 10:16:12 · 69 answers · asked by what should i do 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Try and find the small ounce of whatever led you to marry her in the first place. I think right now, you are just lusting over this "other lady" and sooner or later, you'll be sick of her, then regreat having left your wife and kids. Or maybe the wife will kick your butt out the door (which she should do).
But you should leave the other woman, and work on your marriage. No one said it was easy. Find new ways to appreciate your wife.
2007-01-12 10:19:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
It was wrong to start the affair but you can not take it back and it seems you started the affair when your wife was pregnant was that the reason you were not attracted to her or has it been for awhile? I think that you should stick through with the one you married BUT with you saying you are madly in love with someone else how can you stay...You end the affair and stay with your wife you will resent her even if she never knew. I know you have kids and don't wanna hurt them but you can not control your heart and sometimes people are not with the right person and while being with the one they are with they find the one for them. Talk to the other woman and ask her if she would want to be with you? If she is still stuck on what you make I think you should end with her and end it with your wife because you can't not stay in a relationship where your not attracted to her and where there is no passion. I hope I helped you even a little but. Good Luck Love~
2007-01-13 10:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by Danielle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing you should do is talk to your wife. You need to have communication between the two of you. If in fact the true love is gone, your wife will be in agreement with you. What you should have done is spoken to your wife prior to beginning another relationship. It might have made things a little bit easier. No one ever wants to hurt their children. Your children are very young and will not understand what is happening. However, sometimes in a couples life, there is something that goes missing along the way. Once children become part of your/our lives, we sometimes find that as a married couple the romance and everything that we loved about each just kind of gets hidden in the hustle and bustle. I have suggest this to others and I am going to suggest to you as well. If at all possible, find a family member or someone you trust to watch the kids for a weekend, go away with your wife and find what it is that brought you together in the first place. Good luck to both of you
2007-01-12 11:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can never truly tell if the other woman is the one for you, not enough time has passed for you to know that she is truly the one for you. It could be, due to the fact that you are living with your wife day in and day out with two pregnancies and two small children, you are feeling lonely and unsatisfied sexually, stuck in a routine that consists of diaper changing, never ending chores screaming kids, tired stressed out wife and financial strain.
If you end up having kids with your mistress, who's to say it won't end up the same way?
I think you need to try and work on your marriage. For better or worse, remember? It's not easy, I know. but such is life, where will the world be if we all walked out when the going got tough?
Invest in your marriage, find a good babysitter and have regular date nights with your wife, do whatever you can to find the spark and romance you had with her once! It is there, I assure you.
Your mistress could be just a temporary illusion and is distracting you from doing the right thing. Make sure you try your very best before you end up divorcing the mother of your children.
2007-01-12 10:34:11 · answer #4 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have left your wife BEFORE going with this other woman.
You have a new baby... Why did you do that if things were that bad between the 2 of you? No way, can I believe that everything you described happened in the 3 months between starting this affair and getting your wife pregnant.
Are you aware that a woman's drive goes down and she may not be ready to get back to being passionate or intimate.
My advice is tell your wife NOW. It is better for everyone, but especially the children if you leave now.. Because 1. they are not old enough to know why their dad is going 2. they will not have to grow up in a house where it will be obvious that their parents don't have the type of relationship they should and 3. They will never have to catch you with the other woman and wonder if it is their fault, if they should tell their mom and from them possibly hating you for it.
2007-01-12 10:25:06 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What a jerk you are....I totally agree with someone else's comment about Trying 2 find the small ounce of whatever led you to marry her in the first place. I totally think this is just LUST...thats why you've supposly lost the sparks and love with your wife, you've brought in a 3rd person into a 2 people relationship. This thing you have going on doesn't come attached with any kind of responsibility thats why you think its fun and the bit** thinks she loves you. LATER YOU WILL REGRET THIS...especially because you care more about the other lady than your wife and kids. I Feel so bad for your wife cause I'm going through a wierd experience with my husband too...WAKE UP! STOP BEING SUCH AN *** OR JUST LEAVE UR WIFE FOR HER SAKE!!
2007-01-12 10:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by LILIANA S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No what ever you do don't jump ship.only 5% of the marriages that start with an affair survive. You and your wife do not have an even playing field as long as there is someone else. Break it off and seek professional help If your wife is not sey that is your fault she needs affection to feel good about her self.You feel guilty and avoid her as often as you can. You are looking at that other women as the perfect answer but look out she is on her best behavior just as you are. Instead if you invested as much effort in the wife she would change please give it a try and find help
2007-01-12 10:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Roger W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this has been going on for 6 months there's a good chance your wife at last suspects somethings going on. You are not being a good parent / spouse staying just for your children, and from what you have said it sounds like you have really already left this marriage behind......do your wife right, and cut her losses. Be a good father and make sure your children are taken care of even if you don't live in the same house. Be prepared to accept the responsibility for the decisions you have made, the anger its going to cause, and be a better man in the future.
2007-01-12 10:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by irish eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dont continue to have sex with your wife in the meanwhile and make more children thats for sure. You should have a sit down talk with your wife and express your feelings to her. She will be hurt of course, but dont live a lie and string her along. If you feel that it is some love left, then try to make the marriage work with some counseling. If you feel that it is useless, then she at least deserves to know the truth. You might want to evaluate the things you like about the new woman as oppossed to your wife. Ask yourself when and why did the spark go out. Of course you know that starting an affair before you are divorced is wrong also. But you need to make up your mind ASAP as to who you want to be with. If it's all but over for your love & attraction for your wife then go ahead and start filing for divorce.
You will have to pay child support, but why live in misery if you are not really happy? Try to stay away from your mistress to clear your head and give yourself some time to think hard and rationally before you do anything. But your wife does deserve to know the truth.
2007-01-12 10:28:51 · answer #9 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The term "I love you, but not in love with you" to me is a cop out. You may leave your wife, and eventually marry this girl, then find out that you don't love her either. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. You made vows, not only to your wife, but to God that you're going to be by her side...for better or for worse. My advice....keep the wife you have...and the family....and break off the adultery. No matter what your intentions are, you'll hurt your children if you divorce their mom......and I believe you know that is a possibility. Just whatever you do, you have to weigh it all out...think about it......all the pros and the cons.......I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-12 10:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was your sex life like with your wife when you were first together? All new romances are great, it's the heated passion that drives you. After you've been married awhile, the passion starts too fade and after having children, you forget what passion really is. Trust me, it won't be any better with the other woman after 8 years. Your wife just gave birth to your baby, SHE SACRIFICED HER BODY FOR YOU AND YOUR BABY, and for you to say you aren't in love with her anymore just kills me!! If you want to ruin the wonderful things you have going on in your life for someone who is afraid you won't have enough money for HER...be my guest. But there are many a man out there that would love to get together with your wife and show her what real love and romance are all about. I am sure she is missing it also. So, go ahead and leave this wonderful woman for the OTHER woman but I guarantee you....you will be sorry later.
2007-01-12 10:27:37 · answer #11 · answered by Mustang Sally 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋