Thx to anonymity, why would you chose to go outside your marriage and have an affair? Be blunt, honest. Why did you have no consideration of your spouse and their heart, your children if their were any?
2007-01-12 09:58:14 · 23 answers · asked by carenffb 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Want to hear also from those who have done this. Perhaps the reason why at the time was not clear however now it is in retrospect.
2007-01-12 10:21:41 · update #1
When reality is too much, we seek the fantasy. Sometimes it seems like the best choice, tho it never really helps. Who considers the happiness of others when they have none of their own? Only really mature, well grounded people, that's who, and there aren't that many of those around.
The lesson to be learned is that 'happiness' is elusive. It won't be found by chasing a fantasy. Happiness is a by-product of the right kind of living.
2007-01-12 10:10:01 · answer #1 · answered by outdone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm on the other side, I'm the outside person. The reason the married person and I had the affair was because we were in love before the marriage, and never let go. He married someone else, but before, during and now, he feels he rushed into it and made a mistake, married the wrong person for him.
Rather than telling his now wife this and rescinding the marriage, and rather than saying what was done is done, we had an affair. Stupidly. He let things go on and dug a deeper and deeper hole... he was afraid to trash his finances, his kids, his reputation and his career with a divorce (like an affair is better - we're both dumb!). She is an innocent (the wife), this whole thing was unfair to her too... she thought he loved her like a husband should. Overall, the affair was a HUGE wrong, and I'm sorry I was so stupid to do it. The guilt and dishonesty creeps into everyone's lives. It's best to keep that higher ground and avoid an affair at all costs... in hindsight I should have kept away. If he eventually divorced on his own accord, that would have been the time to be around. I just always felt so angry at the circumstances that he was with me, and things got so screwed up that he ended up marrying her, and never really wanted to in the first place... but that was his choice, and he did make it. Affairs are just bad for everyone.
2007-01-18 00:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by Raven 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really no valid reason to ever have an affair if you are married.... Usually an affair is a selfish want and only ruins lives and causes heartache.... I agree with you that when people do this they do not have any consideration or respect for how their spouse feels..... People should really think before even thinking about having an affair.... Great question by the way!
2007-01-12 18:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I travel half the year, every year, even when I was married. We ended up separating because she had an affair. As soon as she was out of the house, I spent the next two years traveling the world and enjoying the company of women I had always said no to during my marriage. I ended up getting back together with my wife, and stopped seeing other women. Is what I did during our separation an affair? It ended up not working out, and we split up for good, it took about two years for the divorce to go through, and this time I did not seek the company of any women, near or far... I decided to wait for a legal divorce, rather than hey we are separated and I can go for it... I feel better for my actions the second time around. To answer my own question, yes, if you are sleeping with someone, while separated, you are still having your own affair.
To answer your question, I think my affair was to get even, prove I still had it (vanity), and the enjoyment of meeting new people (it isn't always about sex).
2007-01-19 04:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by alaskan_hammer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question.! I see an affair as getting close to someone. Like spending time with her and feeling close and sharing things etc. This I only have with my wife. However sometimes I would like to have a sexual affair where all I would do would be to have sex.eg a hooker. I think men and women have different ideas of what an affair is.
2007-01-12 18:05:08 · answer #5 · answered by spils 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd be sooo bummed if my husband cheated on me. however I guess I wouldn't be shocked... after years of marriage and children, things get so routined, everything revolves around the kids, we both work, money is a stressful issue, by the time we're ready for bed we're too tired to do anything. I love him very much but like I said I wouldn't be shocked if he was looking for a little spark in his sex life... although I don't know where either of us would find the time to have an affair... lol
2007-01-17 10:27:54 · answer #6 · answered by me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk about playing Russian roulette with that question,,, WOW.
Maybe the fun, excitement, no commitment would be nice.
In an affair there would be that extremely hot passion where you have wild sex ripping each others clothes off, "and enjoying it",,, it would not be a scheduled thing,, it would be spontaneous.
Also, you would not be able to predict the others every move as you can with you current spouse.
2007-01-12 18:14:24 · answer #7 · answered by scott in minnesota 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should know that things like that just happen. It is a situation that you put yourself in. If you are not happy with the person you are with there might be other things holding you there. I have cheated and you are right, I was no thinking about my children but I was thinking about making myself feel better. That is selfish, but people are very self indulgent these days. I didn't want to hurt anyone intentionally but it is almost always the final result of cheating.
2007-01-18 12:10:17 · answer #8 · answered by Lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband emotional and physically abused me. He always told me I was lucky to have him because I was fat and plain. I was seeking emotional fulfillment. In retrospect, I shouldn't have done it. I should have just left and moved back in with my mom. I was just too young and stupid back then. I would never, never do something like that now. If a marriage has problems, fix them however you have to. Affairs never make someone happy.
2007-01-12 18:58:54 · answer #9 · answered by StormyC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex cheated on me and after I caught her at it she explained that she was extremely unhappy, didn't feel love towards me anymore, didn't like my personality or my body anymore, and was too chicken to divorce me. Then she divorced me.
She claims the kids are better off this way than having to witness arguments and hostility and disrespect (never from me, only from her!).
Now shes still extremely unhappy, alone, and much worse off financially, but still claims that her and the kids are better off. Talk about denial!
I've found someone else who appreciates me and loves me, but I can't feel love for her cuz my heart was broken too badly. Sad, eh?
2007-01-12 18:54:11 · answer #10 · answered by wijit13 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋